She swallowed her nerves, feeling each of her fears travel back down into her stomach, and finished the sentence, "I love you". He stopped chewing, swallowed and looked at her. She was hot now, the room had suddenly risen one hundred degrees in temperature. Waiting for his response was like waiting to resurface after diving to the bottom of a 15 foot pool. Was he going to say it back? Had she made a mistake? She let go of his hand and rested it in her lap. All he said was, "don’t say stuff like that" and continued to stab at his food.

Deborah and Sam had been dating for a year and everything seemed perfect. Cute dates, effortless conversations and spontaneous visits flooded her memory but she still couldn’t shake that one awful date.

She wanted him to love her back. She was going to do everything and anything she could to make him say it and mean it. To hear those three words be uttered from his mouth was all she needed. Her thoughts were interrupted by the return of her heavy wheezing and a phone call from her mother.
“Hey honey, are you feeling better? Is Rose still coming by to pick you up for your appointment tomorrow?”
Deborah’s mother was always late and always out of town for business. Deborah’s father had left the picture years ago so all that remained was the support of her friends and Sam. Although her mother said “I love you” often, her lack of presence indicated otherwise.
Deborah rolled her eyes and responded, “Yeah she’ll be here, what time are you coming home on Sunday?”
“My flight gets in at 3:45p.m. Call me tomorrow to let me know how your appointment goes!”
“Okay” Deborah was annoyed with her mother’s absence and couldn’t help but be upset with her mother for making her miss her so badly once again.
“Good night, Deb!”
“Night.” Coughed Deborah, blood sputtering from her mouth. She curled up her bottom lip to keep the body fluid from staining her sheets further. She grabbed a tissue from her night stand, wiped and spit into it, and then tossed it in the small trash can she had dragged next to her bed side.

Deborah nestled into her sheets and pulled her covers up to her chin. She didn’t even bother with the herbal remedies her mother had left behind, swallowing was painful anyway so drinking tea was no use. She just laid there and began to text her best friend Rose in hopes of some sanctuary but that was no use as she reached up to touch her throat and noticed an unusual lump. She coughed and spat once more then shut her eyes tight in hopes of getting her mind off everything.

"Deborah!!!....Deborah wake up! We’re gonna be late. Jeez there’s blood all over your sheets, we need to throw those in the wash before we leave, and you can’t sleep in that…DEBORAH! Get upppppp.”
Deborah blinked open her eyes to find Rose standing in her room yanking the curtains open, flooding the room with blinding natural light.
“Why the hell did I ever show you where the spare key is?” Deborah coughed, annoyed.
“Get up, we have to get to your appointment so you can get better and not be doing…this.” Rose gestured towards the sheets and tissues with a furrowed brow.
“Okay. Give me five minutes.” Deborah wheezed and hastily got herself dressed and ready.

On the way to the doctor’s office, Deborah vented about her mother and Sam stopping short every once in a while to cough into a tissue and catch her breath. Sam hadn’t called or texted Deborah in days and she couldn’t feel any worse. This was a huge appointment and he didn’t even bother to make sure she was okay. Her mother did her best but unfortunately her best wasn’t good enough. Sure, she had Rose but her best friend wasn’t always the best with bad news. She was pessimistic and it was obvious when she overcompensated to try and be positive which usually wasn’t much better.

Three hours of waiting and testing later, Deborah sat anxiously in the room with Rose. Her phone vibrated and she looked down to find Sam had texted her. She unlocked her phone and opened her messages. It was a break up text. No phone call, no visit, a text. She handed her phone to Rose and tears welled up in her eyes. Seconds later, the doctor knocked and walked in the room wearing a hesitant expression. She nodded her way through his first two questions and the room started to spin as everything around her blurred, all she heard were the words “laryngeal cancer”.