I was at our bench. The bench we met at. This is such a nice bench. I was waiting for you at our bench as the half-hour of lunch we had was rapidly ticking away. I’d check my watch. I’d look around. I’d twiddle my thumbs. I’d check my phone. I’d look around again. I’d glance at my watch again. I’d look around one more time. I’d text you. I’d almost press send as I saw you out of my peripheral vision. You looked sad, like your cat just died or something. Then you sat down next to me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked to attempt to fix the problem to make you feel better. You sure as hell didn’t try the same for me. You told me what you thought was wrong. You told me…you said that…that it was us. You told me that you needed more space, more time to think, that it was never going to work out anyways, to reevaluate your life, to find yourself, that you were done with me and this petty relationship that we are in. You told me, “I don’t love you anymore.”
You left.
You left me there on our bench that is now no one’s bench. My heart died. All the blood drained from my body. All my love, All my hate, All my joy, All my pain, All my emotions…Gone. You stole my heart and took it with you. Treat it well. Bury it with the respect you never had for me. The bell rang. I got up and tried to catch up to you as you crossed the quad. I wanted my heart back. I wanted resolution. I seemed invisible as I ran to you because as I ran to you, others were running into me. I thought maybe that’s why you ended our relationship. Because I’m invisible.
I caught up to you and put a loving hand on your shoulder. You spun around and looked at me. Mascara coated tears streaked down your face adding an ugly contrast to your beautiful blue eyes. I wiped away the tears and embraced you in my arms. You knew that you never stopped loving me. You hugged me back. I asked for forgiveness and a second chance. You nodded into my shoulder. I asked if you were busy on Friday night. You said no; now you were.
I tried to give you only the best that night and it was wonderful. Dinner, since we shared like we always do, was only $9.17. On the way home, you put your hand on mine. You leaned over. you kissed me on my check. You whispered that you loved me right in my ear. The light was green so I started through the intersection. I thought it was safe. I was terribly mistaken. Out of, it seemed like, thin air, a pick-up hurdled itself into the right side of the car.
Into you.
The driver of that car was drunk. He will have to live with the fact that he killed you. He will have to suffer for the rest of his life knowing that.
I couldn't save you. I wish I could have. I am going to suffer the rest of my life without you. You always caught me looking the wrong way, so I wrote that poem for you.