James told me that I’d like it here better. James is my husband. We’ve been together for three years now, but it seems like yesterday he walked right into my life. He takes care of me. Every day. But I only see him a couple times a day. His visits are brief. He’s a busy man. He travels around the world to help other people. He’s a very kind man. He loves taking care of others. I live with my sister when James is gone on business. It’s such a big house that I can’t live in it alone. It’s a beautiful house. I’ve only been here for about six months. It’s the beginning of October now. There is a huge backyard and flowers everywhere. Flowers make everything more beautiful and calming. There is a fountain in the way back that I like to go sit by and watch the blue birds drink and just chirp sitting right by it.

When I first got here James wanted me to stay in the room on the first floor. I didn’t like that one bit. I couldn’t see the backyard in all its glory from that room. There was a huge rose bush blocking my view. I told him I wanted the room on the top floor in the right corner. It must have been a nursery. There was faded wall paper on the walls but I couldn’t quit tell what was on it. I saw blue, yellow and a little bit of white. Maybe it was the sky and the yellow was the sun. It could have helped a child fall asleep at night. The wooden floors had marks all over covering the whole room. The kids must have played in there a lot. They must have if there were bars on the windows. The parents didn’t want them to fall out or throw their toys out there. This was my room, the only room I wanted.

My sister, Courtney, told me it was a lovely room but she had to make sure it was ok with James if I could have it. After talking it all over with James, Courtney came back in the room, where I was waiting, and said that it was mine. I was so excited I felt like a little kid again. I wanted to bring all my things in right away. Courtney told me I had to wait a minute because James had to see me real quick. He came in and was asking how I liked the new place so far and said that we will be staying here for a while. Then he asked how I was feeling and if my headaches went away yet. My headaches are the worst and they happen every day. So my headaches were still happening and he told Courtney to go get me some medicine. I usually don’t take the medicine maybe that’s why I’m not getting better. They make me very sleepy and I find myself sleeping for days. I think they are catching on to me. Lately they haven’t been leaving the room after they give me the medicine. They watch me take the medicine and then James leaves and I don’t see him for a while.

I don’t do much with my days. I never leave the house. James told me it’s not a nice world and that it’s better if I just stay in with Courtney. Courtney is my baby sister but not by much. She is about four years younger than me, but she is the smarter sister. I never went to college and I never had a job in my life. My parents told me I didn’t have to work; it’s not good for me. Courtney is so smart she went to nursing school. She’s a nurse in a big fancy hospital. I heard there is a lot of flowers at her hospital. I think she has a family now. I’m not sure though, I haven’t talked to her in a while. Actually I haven’t talked to my dad in a while either. My mother died when I was a teen but my father has always been there for me. I need to give him a call when I’m all settled into my new house. It’s just James, Courtney and me. I don’t talk to anyone else because James says the world is a bad place. We don’t have any children. I wish I had two children running around the yard. James told me when we met that we could never have children. That’s all I’ve ever wanted in my life but I was willing to give it up for James.

I love being outside in the garden minding my own business but my headaches have been getting worse. I can’t go outside because the sun bothers me. I can’t open my eyes up outside in the sun because of my headaches. I’ve been seeing James more since I’ve been feeling worse. He really does worry about me when I’m not feeling well. I’ve been spending my days in my room just lying in bed. I’m not allowed to read because Courtney said it might make my headaches worse and there are no TVs in any of the rooms. The only TV is down stairs in the living room. James has been giving me more medicine because I’ve been very angry lately. I know he’s just trying to calm me down but the medicine just makes me sleep for three days straight. I don’t like to lose track of time. I like to know everything that is going on.

January I woke up and my arms and feet were tied down to the bed. I had no idea what happened and who has done this to me. I think it was January. I had my heavy pajamas on and it was a little after Christmas. Yes, it was in January because the decorations were still up in the backyard. I could see out my window. I see Courtney and James out of the corner of my eye but they don’t know I’m up yet. I was trying to listen into their conversation. I can’t believe my ears. They were talking about sending me away because I think they are my family. They are my family, my sister and husband. But I’m mistaken. James is my doctor and Courtney is my nurse. My mental state has gotten worse, they say, and it was time for me to start fresh in a new mental hospital. It’s hard to live with myself. I still believe that James and Courtney are my family and are just on vacation or something but I have to be reminded that it is all in my head.