It was times like this that Will found himself reminiscing upon the beginning of it all.  He brought his head back up from his arms and looked around once more before he got lost in his thought.  A typical scene for a man well past his prime.  The bar was empty at this time with a small crew of young people mumbling quietly to each other.  The bartender was cleaning the glasses and the mumbling from the rest of the room created a calming background noise.  Will rested his head and began to remember. 
The story started when Will was young.  Will was your average high schooler.  Above average intelligence but other than that he was just normal.  He always felt that if he tried harder and applied himself he could make it.  Life was easy for him in his junior year.  There was only one problem left with Will and it ate away at him everytime he found himself alone(Which was often).  He had an inexplicable feeling that his life until the end of college would be one giant routine.  He knew that his life would end and he would mean nothing and he didn’t want that.  He filled this void with video games and spending time on the internet.  He was scared that this would be his life. 
Things began to change.  Some time in November a new girl moved into the school.  Her black, greasy hair awkwardly hung over her face. Dead brown eyes watch intently on the new people that filled the school around her.  Will found himself talking to her some time later about their common interest in video games.  After some time of awkward but meaningful conversation he found her name was Serenity. 
Serenity and Will became great friends soon after.  They talked about many things light hearted and deeply philosophical.  Serenity was much smarter than Will and he knew it, but she was a positive influence on him.  She awoke something in him that made him try to succeed, some force that propelled him to do his best, and he was no longer just mediocre.  Serenity was very proud of herself and her work which isn’t a bad thing per se, but Will was the exact opposite. 
In the present,  Will rose up from his shallow pool of self pity.  He was awoken by the bartender who addressed him by his first name at this point.  Will looked around once more and noticed the group of kids was gone and the bar was closing at this point.  He stumbled drunkenly into the street.  The city at night wasn’t much to look at.  At night when most people were sleeping the nightcrawling drunkards came to play.  Will was amongst them now.  Somehow our drunken hero had found a taxi and was on his way home.  During the ride he rested again and reminisced about the happier times in his life.
His thoughts went back to the end of high school.  Senior year was a great year for Will.  His grades improved and he was over all much happier.  Except that the feelings of pensive sadness persisted (but on a smaller scale).
Serenity walked up to Will in her almost gleeful sort of way.  Her eyes were sunken in a way to suggest that she was up all night doing something.  She let out a devious but nervous smile as she prepared to speak.  The words caught at her throat and she shied away.
“We’re seniors now, no need to be scared anymore” Will said confidently.  Serenity locked eyes with him and swallowed.  “Whatever you have to say, just say it.” He persisted.
Tears were forming in her eyes as she asked a certain question.  Will was taken aback as he felt he would have to ask first.  With excitement in his heart he hugged her and responded with a loud “Yes!”. 

Will normally wore a stupid jacket that he never took off and a pair of jeans that he treated terribly.  On this special day he wore the fanciest T- shirt and jeans he owned.  Will was scared he’d disappoint Serenity.  On the other end of this Serenity knew that Will wouldn’t deliver and would come in some T-shirt with a design of his favorite fictional character or something along those lines.  With this knowledge she dressed the same with a T-shirt of her favorite band and a pair of “fancy” jeans. 
Back in the present, Will stopped his remembering.  The pain of thinking about it was weird as it was a happy thought but his chest clenched and his heart wrenched every time it came up.  The day, as he recalled, was so splendid that the entire month faded into obscurity.  The entire time he couldn’t help but smile and Serenity found it creepy.  This made Will chuckle to himself slightly.  All he wanted to remember is that he didn’t ruin everything for himself for the first (and last, according to himself) time. 
The yellow taxi crawled up to his home ever so slowly.  Will stumbled out and realized that he was lucky enough to have a first floor apartment.  In his apartment he found that his remote for the TV was broken so in a fit of drunken rage he threw it against the wall.  He lay on the couch staring at the ceiling to find patterns that interested him.  Reality caught up with him.  Tears began to stream down his face and his breathing became rapid and hard to control.
“What does it matter” Will said in his slurred way.  “If I just stayed here and died would anyone care?”  Will continued to go on.  “I’ve lost all connection with my family.  I have no friends.  No one depends on me and I depend on no one, when that’s all I need right now” Will had always talked to himself in this manner as if it made him less alone. “Video games stopped working.  The internet is no help.  People tell me that this is all in my head as if I didn’t know.  I know I’m smart, but that smartness hasn’t helped me whatsoever.  My life has just been downhill since I left Serenity.”  Will decided it was better to get lost in his thoughts again, instead of talking to himself.
They had been dating a while and Will noticed something peculiar while he lay thinking of Serenity instead of sleeping.  She had been losing the thing that Will had been gaining.  She was losing her happiness.  Will was a parasite on her happiness and with the happier Will grew the sadder Serenity grew.  He knew that part of her charm was that she constantly smiled and made him hold his head high, even when he felt that the entire world was hanging from his neck.  Serenity’s eyes grew baggier, she had constant headaches, easily irritable, and Will knew that he had influenced it on her.
Serenity saw it from the start, the way Will was made it obvious that he wasn’t very optimistic.  She saw that he took all the power he had to not give up and breakdown at every turn.  Every chance she got she would turn the conversation on to philosophy and especially his. 
“Life is hard, but one day it’ll be over.” He would reply.
“Elaborate.” Serenity would say unsatisfied.
“What I mean is that life isn’t gonna be nice to you just because you exist.  Life’s hard and everyone knows it.  People just only like to focus on their own problems though.  They love to boast about how their life was harder than yours and that your problems are unjustified.  They’re wrong.” Will would then think for a second about what to say next. “They don’t understand perspective is the problem.  They ignore the fact that this person has only lived this life once and that life is the hardest thing they’ve ever experienced.  When you look at two people’s lives from an outside point of view you’re going to miss something.  Say you have these two people, a teenage girl and a soldier, from the outside the soldier’s life would be harder right?  We just ignore the fact that the teenage girl is different and that these problems are new and hers to deal with for the first time and that these problems are going to be the hardest things she’s faced in her life.  Of course the soldier’s life is hard too but that’s not part of the analogy.”  Will would then chuckle as he thought that last part was funny and Serenity would fake a smile with a hint of a real empathetic smile underneath. 
Will continued to contemplate how to fix the problem of Serenity’s sadness.  He then realized something.  Her happiness means everything to him, and he was causing her unhappiness.  He knew that this resolution would only benefit her not himself, but it would end any suffering he caused Serenity.  To go through with this plan would require a bravery that Will is not familiar with. 
It was spring when he had finally decided what to do.  He approached Serenity as if she was a wild beast who could tear him apart at any second. 
“Hey.  Do you remember that hill we used to spend so much time on?” Will said more frightened than he had ever been before.
“That hill with the tree all by itself?  I always felt empathy for that tree with no other tree around for miles.”  Her smile was meant to be comforting but to Will it only made his job harder.
Will swallowed and began. “I want to meet you there tonight.” Will looked down casually to hide the pain that filled his eyes.
Jokingly Serenity responded. “You’re not suggesting anything bad are you?”  She chuckled and Will faked a smile. 
Hours later Will found himself waiting upon the hill.  It felt like that this was the end for all he knew.  Will took solace under the tree knowing he’ll be just as alone too.  Serenity came soon enough to drive in the nails into his emotional coffin.  Will took a deep breath and prepared for the worse.  Will could only tell himself that this was for her and not for himself.  The moment of truth was upon him.
Serenity greeted him kindly and Will raised his hand slightly and struggled to fake even a smirk.  “I hope that you’re not going to suggest anything too bad.”  She laughed, and sighed after seeing the joke not getting through to Will. 
“I’m just going to say it out right.” Will started
“Yeah?”
“You know how we planned to go to the same college?  Well we can’t.  We can’t be together anymore.
“Are you really doing this?”
“It’s for you.  I’m only doing this because I’ve noticed that I’m just detrimental to your success.”
“Elaborate.” Serenity had an anger in her voice that no one had heard before.
“I’ve had an effect on you.  The sadness and anger that I had you have that now, and I have your happiness.  You mean everything to me and it hurts to do this.  I’ve always been a failure, but you were always smart.  You always knew what to do; you made me keep my head high at my lowest points.  Without you I’d be alone in my room trying to find some meaning or playing video games.”  Will was choking back tears at this point.
“You’re a great person, Will, you just needed someone to bring it out of you”
“I needed to steal the greatness from another person, and that person was you.  I want to give it back.” Tears had just began. “You acted like this whole time you needed me, but in reality you need to leave me”
“You’re being as stupid as you were when I first met you.” Serenity managed to keep her cool.  “After all this time and you’re gonna go back to the shallow husk of a person you were before?”
“It’s not about my happiness it’s about yours.  I’m sorry, but even if we kept going I’ll just ruin it all anyways.”
“I thought you changed!” Serenity was irritated at this nonsense she was hearing.
“All I need is for you to be happy, and with me you’ll never be happy.” Serenity tried to make a rebuttal, but Will interrupted her. “You can find someone who makes you happy.  You’re perfect in every way, so you need someone who can keep up with perfection” Through the tears Will saw Serenity drop to her knees in tears.
Serenity began to speak while crying. “If this is what you really want then fine.” Those were the lasts words they said to each other as she stormed off.
“I’m sorry that my existence has caused you so much strife.” Will said to the air, and slumped down the tree, and cried.  Thoughts raced through his brain of all different kinds.  Am I wrong?  Will she find happiness without me? Of course she will.  But what if she doesn’t?  I’ve messed up everything haven’t I? How can I make it without her?
In the present, Will trudged to his bed incapable of sleeping on that God forsaken couch.  Will lay on the bed; all the thoughts had left his brain at this point.  He felt scared without a something to occupy his brain, so he went into the repressed feelings  to confront them.  There was one particular thing that he repressed for so long that he almost forgot it.  After all this time, he was right.
Months ago a letter was found in Will’s mail.  Serenity had somehow found him through old mutual friends.  The letter was written in the same handwriting she had as a teen, which made Will’s heart pound with emotions trying to escape only to be drowned in more booze.  She told him about how she was sorry they couldn’t continue to be friends, about how he was right all along.  She had found another; someone who shared the same positive outlook on life.  A person who she could rest her shoulders on, and could rest their head on hers.  She found love, happiness, and a reason to continue; something Will had been searching for for so long.  All in all, he got what he wanted, but guiltily felt unsatisfied with it all. 
After crying once again, (He too felt it was getting old at this point) he fell asleep.  Tonight he dreamed a wonderful, terrible dream.  A dream where he was happy with Serenity. A dream where his selfish thoughts were reality. Ultimately, the dream would end horribly with Serenity doing the unspeakable, and Will would wake up screaming, and drenched in sweat.  Will decided he hated dreaming.