In the darkness, Sydney put her jeans on. They were tight. In the mirror, she could see her stomach pouring out of the sides. Her heart raced, this was a nightmare. In reality, her frail legs were swimming in the blue denim. There was nothing pouring out of the sides of her pants, there was nothing to even fill the jeans. It was in her mind. Like looking in a fun house mirror, distorting her own body image in her head.
     She stood staring at herself in a full-length mirror. Turn, stop, look, turn, stop, look. It was a formula, every morning, every night.  She bent down and reached her arm under her bed and pulled out a large book. She turned the page and looked at the pictures of girls. There were girls with thigh gaps, girls with countable ribs, girls with long hair, and girls with tiny waists. A scrapbook of self-hatred.
       Sydney put on a pair of running shoes and left her house. Everyone was fast asleep. It was early. The sun had not risen yet and it was raining hard. The air was freezing, no normal person would be out in this weather, but Sydney was battling more than the cold. Her feet hit the pavement and the world around her began to spin.
      “Push through, push through the pain.” She whispered to herself. And that’s exactly what she did for 6 miles. When she got home, she walked right through the kitchen defying the food that called for her, that her body reached out for but was rejected.
Everyone ignored her “habits”. She would skip dinner; her mother would put the food away. She went running at 4 am, her father bought her new running shoes. It was easier for the people around her to ignore her disease; it was easier for her too. If she really let herself see what she was doing to herself, she would be devastated.
     Sitting in school, in a desk, in the back of the room. Fidgeting, moving, clicking her pen, tapping her foot, shaking her leg. She needed to keep moving, she would burn more calories that way.
“Class, before we start we have a new student joining us all the way from Ohio, please give Addison a warm welcome.” The class barely stirred, and a short, plump girl with short blonde hair walked into the class. She was clearly blind, with thick black sunglasses and a walking stick that led her to the front of the class. The teacher brought her to her seat, right next to Sydney.
“Sydney you can show Addison around! Show her the ropes!” Sydney rolled her eyes and bit her nails. This was not apart of her plan; she was going to go home, go for a run, and skip dinner. Addison smiled so large and reached her hand in the direction of Sydney.
     “Hello! So nice to meet you, I’m Addison!” Her words stuck to Sydney like bubblegum, sickeningly sweet. Sydney took her hand and shook it. Addison gripped her hand and felt it in her hands. A worried look crossed her face, “I think you need a sweater, you’re cold.” Sydney ripped her hand away and went back to her work.
Sydney stood at the cross walk with one hand on her hip and one arm wrapped in Addison’s arm. Addison was smiling, enjoying the breeze and the smells. She noshed on pretzels, which made Sydney extremely uncomfortable. “Do you want one?” Addison swung the bag around to Sydney and Sydney bit her tongue and looked away. They crossed the street without speaking, and Sydney led Addison down the road to her house.
     “How long have you been like this?” Asked Addison, the rain was starting now. Sydney stopped and wrapped her arms around herself. “Anorexic I mean.” Addison added. Sydney gritted her teeth.
    “I have no idea what you are talking about, you can’t even see me, and you have no idea what I look like.” Snipped Sydney. Tears were welling up in her eyes; she gets emotional when she’s hungry. Addison gripped her stick as the rain came down harder on the girls.  Dark clouds were rolling in now, and a storm was on the horizon.
      “I can feel it. It’s like this dark orb that follows you, that’s around you. It’s like feeling a black hole, feeling it suck the life and happiness from you. I’m sure you know that feels like.” Sydney knew exactly what she was saying. She had a black pit in her, the less she ate the more it grew, the darker it became. She did not think anyone knew what was inside her. The hole had also built walls inside her. Large, thick, concrete walls so high that no one could climb over them. She felt she could not climb over them either. A prison she built on her own.
     “You see it just has gotten so out of hand…  I never meant for any of this to be this way.” Sydney began to cry. The rain hit the pavement hard and her tears hit harder. She could not catch her breath, and the walls inside her began to crumble. Addison slowly walked toward her and reached out for her hand. They walked the street together, slowly. The rain had stopped now, but the street glistened with the past rainfall. 
    “I can’t see all the models and all the media that forces girls to hate their bodies. Even if I could see them, I know that you have to love yourself. You are much more than a thigh gap or ribs, you are a human being and I know you are a beautiful person.”
     Sydney could not sleep that night; she could not stop replaying Addison’s words in her head. She imagined the hole inside her growing larger, and engulfing her. Now would come the decision to stand against this disease or let herself succumb to. She closed her eyes and let the darkness take over.