It was a cold February morning. Gloomy sky, and sad raindrops fell out of the dark black clouds. It was a feeling I had never felt before. Tears rushing down my face like a heavy rainstorm. And that is when I heard the bad news. I noticed everybody feeling the same way. As the day when on, the air was filled with emotional cries, and it was hard to believe after his long fight, Pappy had died of cancer.

He was diagnosed with Lung Cancer, a powerful nasty disease many people have also been diagnosed with. As we all gather around him in the hospital, I sat there remembering all of the things we did together. From him coming to support us at games, or picking blueberries with us as kids in the backyard; to taking pictures of valuable memories in his life.

There is a quote that reads: “I’d like the memory of me to be a happy one. I’d like to leave an afterglow of smiles when the day is done. I’d like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways, of happy times, and laughing times and bright and sunny days. I’d like to be the tears of those who grieve to dry before the sun, of happy memories I leave behind when the day is done.” Which basically summed up the type of person he was. He was always dedicated and loving.

Pappy was always such a great man, he did a lot with us. He always had a great unique scent to him too. It was like breathing in fresh laundry detergent.  He supported me through athletics, schooling, musical performances, and many more! He was such a big part of my life, and he was always there for me. I would always hear him on the sidelines saying, “C’mon 22!” as I was playing. He would always find a way to make everybody happy, from when he first started his day, until the very end, and I cannot believe that something as stupid as cancer decided to take his life.

But there was something special about that day. He died on February 22nd. Which had been my favorite number since I was a young child, and something strange had happened.

    I woke up the next morning, and noticed I was still in the hospital room. But I actually wasn’t. I was up in heaven talking to Jesus and Pappy. I know it may not seem like it happened, but it really did. I saw Pop-Pop up there too.

It was beautiful. The sky was orange/pink and big fluffy white clouds covered up the tender baby blue sky. When I was up there, I saw Jesus. He was sitting in a tall brown chair, his hair and eyes were a rich brown color. Heaven was so beautiful. And I’m glad that he was able to enter the gateways into Jesus’ hands.

    I asked him, “Why did you decide to take Pappy from us?”

    He responded softly “I needed someone to come up and help me with all of the other angels.”

    I added,“But we need him back down there with us. Living down there without him is so rough, and everybody misses him so much.”

    He looked down to the ground in disappointment.
    I looked at him and asked, “Sir can you tell me where he might be up here?”
    He replied, “I’m pretty sure he is over by the racetrack.”
    Pappy had loved the Indycar races, that was his favorite thing to do when he was down with us; he always used to travel all over to see them.

    I had then walked over to him, and I realized that his head was carefully bowed down. I finally got to him, and we both stared at each other in shock and amazement. He looked much better now that he wasn’t down there fighting the cancer. We started to talk. He wondered what I was doing up there. I knew just what he was thinking too.

    I replied, “I wanted to come up to visit you Pappy.
“For what?” he answered.

“Pappy, I can’t live down there without you, no one can. Everybody misses you so much. We’re all sitting down there in grief and pain, and it is so difficult to be there without the happy, loving, character that you are.”
He explained that he couldn’t do that. He said that Jesus needed him, and he couldn’t do anything about it, because he was already gone.

“How come you are just sitting up here alone, I mean I know someone is here to talk to you, why are you by yourself?”
He responded, “Lynna, I miss the racetracks a lot. Especially because this was my favorite thing to do when I was down there. I miss my favorite racer, Mario Andretti too.”
“Pappy, remember when we went to that Indy Race in the Poconos?”
“Yes I remember that, and I remember you, Cayden, and Abby had the greatest time.”
“I surely know you’ll miss Mario down there to support him.”
Pappy sat there with a sad look on his face, and I knew something was wrong.
I asked him, “What’s wrong Pappy?”

“I remember all of the good times we used to have honey, and after I was put in the hospital, I couldn’t do anything. The medications just kept coming and coming but none of them seemed to really effect my body, and my body wasn’t functioning correctly, and it just stopped operating. But let me tell you, when I was down there, I was in so much pain and it was so difficult for me. But now that I am up here, all of the pain has gone away, and I feel so much better now that I am not suffering.”

I looked at him, then stared directly down to the ground. I felt so bad after he said that, but I knew it was true. He was always this happy individual, but once he started getting sicker and sicker, his looks became worse, and you could tell at that moment that it was the end.

Later in the day, everybody seemed to start departing places, and others did their own thing. I also noticed some people crawling into their comfy little beds, and they fell asleep. Pappy and I were those people who just did their own thing. We wondered all throughout heaven. It was magical. I couldn’t believe I was able to see him again, it was like a dream come true!

Even though he wasn’t down with us he was still able to crack a smile, because he knew he was safe and in a better place, in the hands of Jesus. We finally decided it was time to settle in, that we had, had enough for the night, but that wasn’t for me.

After Pappy fell asleep, I sat and looked of pictures of me as a baby, and Pappy, Nana, my sisters, and I all playing in the backyard. It made me cry myself to sleep. We woke up the next morning and decided we would go out for breakfast. After breakfast we walked around again. It was so amazing. I showed him the pictures of us and it brought tears to his eyes.

“Those memories were some of the best, and I will remember this forever Pappy.”

“Me too honey.”

I woke up and realized I wasn’t really in heaven, I was lifting with pappy’s spirit up into heaven.

As I woke up, I sat on the window sill and watched the rain fall from the clouds. It was yet another crappy day in Williamsport. My parents sat out in the waiting room, as well as my two sisters, patiently waiting for me to come out. I saw the nurses changing the sheets he had lay on for the past two months.

When I returned home, I had stayed off of school for a couple days. I wrote a letter for Pappy to put in his casket. And a couple days later, we attended the funeral. It was one of the worst days of my life. Dreadful and unbearing, but we Jesus gained us strength, and we pulled through it. But knowing that Pappy is actually safe and in a good place, I don’t have to worry. I hope I will be able to see him again, and even if I don’t, he will always be with me. Deep inside my heart.