Palms sweating, heart racing…He knew it was time. As he approached the family room with impending doom at the forefront of his thoughts. He knew this day would come, just not so soon. What will they think? What will they say? The young man couldn’t stop this unexplainable feeling. Not just fear, or stress, but a thousand different emotions all rolled into one life changing moment. Thump, thump, thump. As he heard the sound of his heart racing he could feel the weight of this moment crushing down upon his shoulders.

This was it.

It was time to face his family.

Thump, thump, thump. The insatiable noise of his heart grew fiercer with each passing second. Looking back on it, the young man can’t remember a thing. He had blacked out before he could even step out of the shadows of heterosexuality.

As he watched his father’s stoic disposition his anxiety was boiling over like the pot of tortellini he had cooked with his mother the night before.

This was it.

He could feel the words struggling to escape the cage he had so long buried beneath his carefully crafted facade. He began to speak. The words were choppy at first, as he struggled to pull all the right words from his subconscious. The word he had been afraid to use for as long as he could remember. A euphemism for hate; dumb, irritating, utterly useless.

Gay.

There it was. Gay, such a simple word, with such a complex undertone. The young man spoke the word and with that time stood still as he waited for his family to either pull him out of his crushing waves of anxiety or push him further under.

His father spoke first. With a gentle tone and eyes to match, one sentence flowed out of his mouth.
I am proud of you.

The young man’s misty eyes slowly dissolved into inexplicable joy and relief. The boy’s father stood up to do wrap his arms around his only son who needed to be comforted in this moment. Looking up from his father’s shoulder he saw his mother gazing upon the two leading men in her life.

You’re joking. You’re joking.

The boy smiled weakly at his mother not uttering a word. The two shared a moment, as what felt like forever slowly passed by.

I need wine.

He was happy to see his mother keeping her subtle sense of humor. She reassured him of her everlasting motherly love and undying support. The boy then turned to face his harshest critic of all.

His sister.

The one who had an answer for everything, the one who had the upmost confidence, the one who he was most nervous to share his biggest secret.

Want waffles?

The young man knew this was his sister’s way of dealing with her emotions. He realized then that no matter what he did he would always be her younger brother. The one that she would torment and tease to hide her true affection. Throughout his life, the young man could always count on the one constant, his sister’s unrelenting instinct to keep his feet firmly planted on the ground.

The family went to sleep leaving the young man to restlessly wanderer the desolate halls of his home. The colors seemed more vibrant, the air cleaner, his eyes now opened. His mind was racing thinking of all that had happened in those short few hours on that unique New Year’s Day. As he paced up and down the hallway waiting for his closest confidant and cousin to return home to support him in the time he needed her most, he noticed the thump, thump of his heartbeat which was once overbearing and loud was now strangely calm.
The silence of his house comforted him where as in the past it sent him on edge into a never ending spiral of stress and emptiness. He heard the squeak of his front door opening and was relieved to hear the jingle of her keys that reminds him of childish joy of Christmas. The stomping of her feet up the old wooden steps signaled to him that she was nearing the door of his bedroom where they have had so many meaningful conversations in the past.

Hey boo.

She peeked her head through the door. The boy struggled to find the right words to express the raw emotions he was feeling that were fresh in his mind. She laid on his floor with the warm smile that always made him feel at ease. They had an enduring conversation, discussing the night’s events and how his family reacted to the life changing news. As the night progressed the conversation became less about the day’s struggles and the heartfelt conversation with his family, and more about her.

Things were back to normal again.

The next morning the young man woke up to silence. He slowly crawled out of bed hoping it wasn’t a dream. Hoping that it would be over and he would not have to hide his true self anymore. As he walked down the stairs, each step sending more tension down his spine then the last. He was expecting the worst, but hoping for the best. As he reached the bottom step he glanced around the room to find an empty house. The young man walked into the kitchen to find a note with his name.

Went to work, love mom. Reading the note sent chills through his body and put a smile on his face. One thought rushed through his mind. It was real.

The tapping of shoes on the steps rang through the house. The young man turned around to find his cousin smiling at him. He smiled back remembering the previous night and the conversation that he will never forget. The fear that was once his life’s biggest obstacle was now an obsolete pebble in his path.