“Hello, Ricky,” His muscular body turns directly toward my lean slim figure, his mouth creases into his signature toothy smile, but quickly back into a straight horizontal line, a face, no physic can read.

“Hello, Anne.”

The eighth grade at Maine’s top middle school, everything was perfect.  The sky was always in the happiest of moods, and my friends and boyfriend were the best thing I ever had.  My boyfriend; Ricky, and I were one of the few couples in middle school that actually talked, went on dates, and showed affection… Crazy, right?  We went to movies together, gave each other hugs and a few pecks on the cheek, we made each other laugh, and we could always be happy even in the bumpiest times.  Things automatically changed when a huge bump--No, a pothole in the road came along exactly one night before the eighth grade dance.

“Ricky!” I yelled happily into the phone.

“Hi,” The word was short, abrupt.  I shook off the weird vibe he was giving me.

“What's goin’ on Ricky, are you excited for tomorrow??” There was no answer.  I just waited. 30 seconds later…
  “Um yeah, about that, thats why I called you.” What?

“I can’t go to the eighth grade dance Anne, I can’t.”  My heart felt like rupturing, is this a nightmare? All I could reply with was a, “Why.” In a grumpy tone of voice.

“Not because of you Anne, I really like you I do, I have to leave town with my family, mom got a job in Oregon, and my dd quit a week ago, right after I asked you to the dance.  I was going to tell you I swear… Its just I didn't want to ruin the dance for you, but--”

“Telling me this later is worse, Ricky.”
“Im sorry Anne, we are leaving tonight, I just wanted to say goodbye..”  But I didn't let him say goodbye, this time, I was the one that didn’t answer.  I hung up the phone, hoping he would call again, but he never did.  That night, was the first night in weeks, that it rained.

“Its a great surprise to see you, Ricky, after twelve years… Um, how are you?”  Ricky walks closer to me.  I smell his scent, that i've been yearning to smell for a decade.  Ive been waiting for his presence for years.  The time has finally come.

“Im good.  Everything seems perfect lately.” Ouch, without me?
“How are you, Anne?  How is Maine doing for you?  You still live there, right?”
“Yeah I still live there, and I’m okay.  But Maine is the same as you left it… Cold and dreary.”  He flinches, quickly hiding hiding his emotion that looked like sadness.

Ricky in an oddly casual tone says, “I’m actually dating someone.”  Of course.  Did I really think I had a chance after almost a decade and a half?  How foolish of me.

“Oh. Uh, yeah… Cool.  Whats her name?”  Stupid mumbling gets the best of me.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  Ricky grins a little.

“His name is Ben.” Huh, wait what?

“His? Ben?” Crap.  Ricky looks hurt and shifts away from me.  But starts to talk again.

“Yes.  His, and Ben.  I’m not who I was, Anne.  I’m gay.”  A wave of nausea fills my body.  Is this true?  All that time in eighth grade, he didn’t know?  My brain spins and I try to stay balanced.  No chance. Its gone.  Hes gone.  I can’t love him like that eighth grade year.  My heart stops beating, I feel dead.  I wish I never saw him on the streets.  Every year, EVERY single freaking year I go to Oregon, secretly hoping to randomly see Ricky. Every year.  Am I just stupid?  Did he leave because he realized he was gay? Was he lying to me?  Maybe his parents never really were the problem.

“Anne, hello? Are you okay? Im sorry.”  My eyes are sprinkler heads, unable to cease.

“This is a, a lot…” A crack of thunder wasn’t as loud as my crying right now.  My tears yearn on.

“I still love you, Anne, as a friend.  I found myself here in Oregon.  I hope you understand.  I left you in Maine to find out who I really was, I didn’t feel like myself.  But now, I am me.  Not anything else, I love it and the feeling of freedom of knowing who I am.”  All I can do is nod, and Ricky accepts that.  Ricky siles his signature smile, waves his muscular hand, and says, “A goodbye is never forever.”  And saunters down Green Boulevard, past the crowded saloons and the fancy late night dinners.

I’m free of the curiosity of why he never called me again.  The weight is gone.  The pain is still attacking me, but pain is only temporary… Right? I feel different, but a good different.  Im bad with change, but this change I can deal with.