The sun is shining waaaay too intensely today. I don’t think I ever realized before how little the weather cares about my problems. Here I am, on possibly the worst day ever, and the sun is so bright, it might as well be wearing sunglasses and a giant smile.

My car is only a few yards away. I could just get in, drive, and leave this entire part of my life behind. Crouching down on the sidewalk, I put my head in my hands. I really made a mess of everything, didn’t I?

The day had started off very well, mainly because it was Saturday. I was fast asleep when Macey called me, even though it was past noon.

Blearily, I picked up. “What’s up, Mace?”

“Nathan! We’re still on, right?”

I had no idea what she meant, but I figured we had a date. “Of course. Your house at seven tonight, right?”

The line was silent for a while. “My house in two hours. Tell me you didn’t forget.”

Quickly, I scrambled to cover up my mistake. “No, no! Sorry, I just got a little mixed up. I’ll be there in two hours, no worries.”

“Okay, honey!” I could hear her smile through the phone and ended up grinning as well. She made a loud kissing noise as she signed off. “Bye, Nate! I love you!”

“Bye, Macey!” I hung up without returning her declaration. Those three little words haven’t been part of my vocabulary for a while.

I showed up to her door wearing a Superman t-shirt and my only clean pair of jeans. I may be twenty-two, but I’m still not sure how to wash clothes on my own. Until my dry-cleaning is ready, I’m pretty much livin’ on a prayer.

Macey’s door swung open almost a second after I knocked. Her face went from a giant smile to an angry frown in the span of a single blink. Her teeth were clenched as she emphatically spat out, “What. The. H---.”

I was clueless. “Did I do something?” For the first time since I’d known her, Macey had her curly brown hair styled.  She usually just let it fall loosely just above her shoulders, no matter the occasion. As I took in her pretty blue dress and fancy hair, I smiled awkwardly. Belatedly, I noticed the small box in her hand.

Oh no.

My throat constricted when I saw tears make their way down Macey’s cheeks. Despite knowing her for more than a year, that was the first time I saw her cry.

“I knew you would do this.” Macey was starting to do that thing when a person’s voice gets really shaky and sad. “Take your stupid anniversary gift!” She threw the box at my feet and slammed the door in my face. Before I had a chance to react, she opened it again. “Actually, I want the watch. It was expensive.” Her voice cracked, “And I hate you. Never come back.”

I handed the box to her with a blank face and she slammed the door again.

Right now, I’m a little ways from her door and I’m starting to see that I’m a horrible boyfriend. I mean, she was really great. She always treated me well, took care of me when I got sick, and tried to keep our relationship stable. Macey basically did everything. All I ever had to do was show up and pay for dinner.

I don’t think I took time to appreciate her before. She makes me happy. Or, I guess, she made me happy.  She’s never gonna take me back after this.

I admit, I can be a little guarded, but I don’t like making mistakes more than once. Every time Macey tells me her feelings, I get war flashbacks of Samantha. We’d dated for two years in college and I thought I was in love. Back then, Sam and I talked almost every minute of the day. We went on dates and we showed up at parties; I thought we were the model couple.

One day, out of the blue, she called me over the phone and ended it with the words, “I just don’t really love you.” She basically denied every beautiful word we’d ever told each other. A week later, I found out she’d also been dating one of my friends for half our relationship. It hurt like you wouldn’t believe.

If I apologize to Macey, I’d be back in the firing line. What if she and I end things on an even worse note later on? I have a feeling it would be even more painful than Sam. With Sam, everything was about how we appeared, but it was never like that with Macey. She likes dancing even when everyone’s watching and she makes me feel like nothing in the world matters, as long as she’s by my side. I hate getting all sentimental, but sometimes I lie awake and just think of her laugh.

I frown. “She matters.” I stand up defiantly. “Forget everything else!” A passing woman gives me a strange look, but I don’t care. Screw being afraid, screw preserving my feelings. I’m tired of always holding back.

I march back, scowl still on my face. “Macey Rowe!” I pound on the door four times before she opens it.

“What now?” Her face is puffy from crying and she crosses her arms defiantly, glaring up at me.

I steel my nerves and shout at the top of my lungs. “Macey Rowe, I love you!”

Her face goes from fury to shock. “You what?”

Now that I’ve said it, it won’t hurt to say again. “I love you! I love you.” My smile falters. “I’m really sorry about our anniversary.”

Macey flings herself at me, enveloping me in a massive hug. “Don’t worry.” She pulls her face away from my shoulder. “You will be thoroughly punished for it. But now, you’re gonna put on a nice, clean dress shirt, and we’re celebrating our first year together.”

I laugh. “If I can even find a shirt.”

She doesn’t miss a beat, smiling just as wide. “I know you, Nathan. You’re a walking disaster. I keep some emergency clothes here in case you ever spill something at a dinner party.”

I kiss the top of her head. “Thank you. For everything. I don’t deserve you.”

Macey’s answer is muffled from being pressed against me, but I hear it anyways. “No, you really don’t.” Her laugh is just as great as I remember.