The Doors that Determine my High School Status | Teen Ink

The Doors that Determine my High School Status

June 30, 2015
By HSSeniorGirlPro27 GOLD, Wilbraham, Massachusetts
HSSeniorGirlPro27 GOLD, Wilbraham, Massachusetts
10 articles 11 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"- FDR
"If you were born different, don't ever change."- Taylor Swift
"What goes around comes around"
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"


The doors to my school cafeteria define a mountain that is unbearable to cross. They stood in front of me, tall and wide, as they stared deep into my sole. They intimidated me as they mocked my reflection in the rectangle above the knob. Strangers moseyed into the picture, but left too soon to be identified. Butterflies swarmed around knots inside of my woozy stomach as freshly released sweat glistened on my brow. I reached for the knob with my sweaty hand. Opening that door will determine my social status for the rest of my high school journey. Lunch on my first day of high school a waits.
I slowly inched forward as I looked left and right to see if I knew anyone in there. To my dismay, I did not, but I kind of expected that. The unfamiliar faces of my peers found their friends at soon-to-be-filled empty tables as fast as Usain Bolt reaches the finish line.  I stay close to the back wall near the large wooden entry doors that forever determine my high school status. It was as if I walked into a dark cave with no way out. I didn’t want to be rejected even though it was a social norm for me at that time.
There was a loud chatter amongst my peers that entered my ears and swirled rapidly through my already hurting brain. The sound substantially amplified the feeling of loneliness I had in my heart. My right leg jittered in lightning fast motion as fear perpetrated my body. I needed to act fast. I turned my head to face the right half of the cafeteria to notice a round table standing quietly next to the calming glass windows. I stopped my leg from jittering so viciously before I could arrive at that table before anyone else.  One by one, my feet stepped in its direction. I picked them up, one after the other, and then placed them delicately on the green and white-tiled floor that gently hugged them.
There it was, just feet in front of me. My head whipped from side to side yet again to make sure no one would spring up from behind me to steel that one kind open table. To my advantage, no one did. I swung my skinny and blotchy legs around the bench like a monkey swinging on a vine. Then, a puff of anxiety released from my soul just as my bottom touched the bench. It formed a cloud around my head, but slowly dissipated away and out of reach.
But now what was I to do? I didn’t want to sit there all alone but I didn’t have any friends in the cafeteria. I placed my purple and white paisley patterned lunch box on the table. After unzipping it, I pulled out a home-made chicken salad sandwich and a fruit cup. My heart ached, but at least I found a table. However, classmates at the tables adjacent to mine gawked and laughed at me as I ate alone at my isolated table. It was in that moment I realized where I will stand on the social ladder for the rest of my high school journey.


The author's comments:

I wrote this piece as a way to release my inner emotions of lunch on the first day of high school. I've never been an outgoing or popular kid so finding a table in the cafeteria was difficult. I want people who do have friends to sit with at lunch to feel what it's like for those who don't. And let me tell you, it's not a good feeling. 


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