quieting my demon | Teen Ink

quieting my demon

September 8, 2015
By Anonymous

If you look inside me all you will see is a lake of oil. The dark murky substance clouds who I am to the world. When you peer into that lake all you will see is shards of glass. That glass rips away my soul. It is the remnants of all my good memories ruined. It is the reason for my hurt, my scars, and my pain. But in that empty cavern, the lake isn’t the only sinister thing. A voice reverberates around the walls screaming drugs, sex, and murder. The voice is loud enough to drive a sane person to insanity. Thank god im not sane. The only remaining memory that is intact is hidden, six hundred feet under the oil. It shows a little girl in pink laughing with her mom. but take a look at me now. Look at the razor marks on my wrist. Look at the broken glass and see the suicide attempts. Im not that girl. Heartbreak, suicide attempts, and hell is what my life consists of. All the torture all the screams, make me give in. give into the voice echoing around my cavern. It over whelms me drives me to insanity, tells me I need to die, then it quiets. It has been quiet for 4 months now. I became stronger than it. I over powered it. I now don’t have razor marks I have scars. Ones that I wear proudly. I wear them proudly for the girls and boys that cant. I wear the, for the kids and adults who get quieted by their inner voice. I wear it to show the world that im stronger than I look. Im going through hell basically by myself. I still break. I still cry. But I don’t hear the voice. I have no family. I have few friends. But I do have my strength. And as long as I have that my final window. The window to me at four years old, it will never break. Because that is me. Im the girl who was four years old. 


The author's comments:

it is twelve p.m. and all i can think about is the fact that their are people out there trying to commit suicide and cutting and feeling unloved. the world sucks but sometimes you have to be stronger than the s*** it will put you through


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