The bitter gusts of wind whipped my hair around my face as I gazed at the skyscraper before me.
Family.
It’s a word that most people take for granted, you see it carelessly dropped in NFL commercials and casually tossed around when referring to your closest pals. But it was a word that meant so much more to me. Only because I never had one.
I had lived in an orphanage since I was an infant, at first found mercilessly left on the noisy streets of New York. Growing up, all the other kids had known their parents at some point in their lives, our bedrooms would be filled with silent sobs late into the night. Me? I never cried. It’s hard to cry about losing something you never had.
A couple weeks ago at school, we had assignment at school to create a set of five questions and ask each family member about those questions. This assignment was slightly difficult for me, as you may have noticed. So instead, my teacher suggested that I try to trace one of my parents to the best of my ability. I should have rejected the idea of even considering to learn about somebody who obviously didn’t care to learn about me, but I shyly nodded my head. I finally found my father after hours of scouring the internet for anybody with the same name as me. As I gazed at the picture of him staring back at me, I noticed the familiar dark curls, defined lashes, and thin lips, slightly lifted to resemble a smile. The picture was from just last month, and it was taken at a charity event. Apparently my father was an extremely rich and generous stock broker on Wall Street. I was more mad than happy, considering that he didn’t even have a valid excuse to ditch me on the road, as portrayed by his financial status.
After gazing at the tall building for what seemed like minutes, I snapped out of reality. I stepped towards the glass door, peering through to see a lobby with a great golden chandelier hanging from the red velvety ceilings. I opened the door and walked inside, my cheeks flushing from the current of warm air that rushed in.
As I heard a loud beeping noise signifying that I had reached my floor, I took a large gasp. I had never felt so nervous in my life before, since I had nothing to lose. Now, I had everything to lose.
The secretary looked up from her work, the tired look into her eyes morphing into an astonished look. I wondered if she noticed the uncanny resemblance between my father and me.
“Hello dear, are you lost?”
I was tempted to say yes. I was lost in ways that nobody would be able to understand. Instead I shook my head and then proceeded to ask her, “May I please meet with Chris Carter?” The name of my supposed father didn’t quite roll off my tongue easily.
The secretary looked at me blankly after a flash of an inexplicable emotion flickered in her warm eyes.
“I’ll do the best I can.” She replied. She picked up the landline and her fingers flew over the buttons as she dialed a number. In a hushed voice, she spoke to whoever was on the other line. After a short conversation she gave me an empty look as she pointed to another large glass door and went back to filing her papers.
A middle-aged man opened the door for me before I reached out for the handle and ushered me inside. His smile seemed genuine but there was a hint of suspicion in his eyes.
“So, I take it that you’re waiting for Chris Carter?” The man was in a clean suit that was complemented by a red tie. We both took a seat in the plush chairs around the glass table. Everything seemed to be made of glass, making the whole building seem transparent yet fragile. “Do you mind if I ask why?” He carefully prodded.
“I’m his daughter.” I stated, not sure whether to feel proud or utterly betrayed. “Or, at least I think.” I cautiously added.
The man gazed at me intensely and then slowly nodded. “For sure you are.”
Then he smiled sadly at me and stuck his hand out. “Nice to meet you. I’m your Uncle Samuel. Chris’ only brother.”
I felt a shiver of anticipation; I had already met somebody related to me.
“Nice to meet you, Uncle Samuel. Now may I meet my father?” I enquired.
He just stared at me for what seemed like ages, as if he were taking in every bit of my features.
“Honey, I wish you could. This is just really unfortunate timing for you.” He replied.
I furrowed my eyebrows and c***ed my head, “What do you mean?”
Uncle Samuel took in a deep breath and clutched my hand. “Oh dear. Just last night, your father, err, well he was in a car accident. He didn’t quite make it out.”
Tears started to well up in my eyes. I bitterly laughed. “So you’re saying that the one day my father chose to die was the day before I found out he existed?”
Uncle Samuel shook his head, “Sweetie, he didn’t choose to die. It doesn’t happen like…”
I cut him off.
“I know. I’m sure he didn’t choose to die. Just like he didn’t choose to abandon me on the streets of New York.” I pushed my chair back and reached for the door handle.
“Please, don’t leave just yet.” He beckoned for me to sit down again. “Where are you living now?” He enquired.
I snorted. “In a poorly funded orphanage where the food makes even cafeteria food bearable. Thanks for asking. Now, I have somewhere to be now.” I lied, gritting my teeth in frustration.
His face morphed into an expression of panic, knowing that he was about to never see me again.
“Before you leave, tell me who you are at least. You know, just in case I want to make sure you’re doing alright.” He begged.
He almost looked like he wasn’t the equally horrible brother of one of the worst fathers on Earth.
I sighed, my shoulders sagging. I thought about why I came here in the first place. Did I expect my father to be happily remarried with a family? Did I expect him to be an alcoholic? Did I expect him to take me into his arms and say that he would never let me go ever again? I certainly didn’t expect my father, Chris Carter, to die the day before I came to find him. For the first time in my life, I felt that I had lost something that I never had in the first place. My identity.
But at the same time I found a new one.
“My name is Christina Carter, I am a thirteen year old girl, and I am officially an orphan as of today.”
There was really nothing more to say about myself.