July 14th, 2016.
The road sprawls in front of the dusty little Toyota Camry that serves as our voyage’s vessel. Driving for miles and miles, we blast David Bowie and let the peace and freedom of the open road distract us from anything troubling. Dust swirls along the sides of the car as we speed through the desserts and farmland. A lazy fly, trapped in the car somewhere between Spokane and Boise buzzes listlessly behind us. Rather than shoo it away, we’ve decided that we could be nice enough to give it a ride. The heat has thoroughly baked everything in sight, giving it the appearance of the inside of kiln. In our oasis of an air conditioned cab we get a glimpse into the world of the rugged and tough. Tumble weeds fly across the road, the occasional cactus points its arms out, at us and the world, with the regal elegance of a king, and the cracked ground looks like it serves merely to remind one of the desolation of a world without hydration. The CD player comes to a stop as the last notes of Bowie’s The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars struggle out of the speakers.
Sawyer turns to me and nods, “Again.”
“Again? Really?”
“Melanie. Again.”
“Sawyer this is the fourth time we’ve listened to it today.”
He yells, surprising me with his temper, “Yes, again. I’m telling you again so play it again.”
Anna chimes in from the back seat. “Damn Sawyer, relax. It’s just an album.”
I see the anger and grief in his expression and decide that it would probably be best to play it again. Reaching up to the buttons I press eject and put the CD back in.
“Five Years” starts and the vibes in the car transform from contentious to calm once again.
It’s been two days on the road. The journey, as cliché as it sounds, was a quest to fix ourselves. We started in Seattle. Our perfect little hometown by the sea. A city in which all three of us had found ourselves, grown up, loved and lost. Emphasis on the lost.

New Years Eve, 2015 11:45 PM.
Grouping around a bottle of champagne, a few illicit materials and some fireworks, everyone is shivering with cold and anticipation. The location is prime for feelings of rebellion and excitement as it is a small park nestled in the streets of Seattle with residential streets encasing us in. The space needle glows, hidden by several blocks of houses and trees.
Jack and Sawyer grab fireworks and lighter, running a safe distance away from the group. Shrieks of excitement and concern for being caught by the police or an authority fill the air but are quieted as the mortars fly into the air, explode and decorate the night sky with glittery, glowing fragments and stars. My emotions are running high. The adrenaline of the possibility of being caught exploding fireworks or underage drinking fills by body but the prospect of a true, New Years celebration with closest friends fills me equally. I turn to Nathan.
“Last year at this time, I’m pretty sure I was with my parents.”
“Yeah, same” He laughs.
“Honestly, I couldn’t have imagined that I would have found friends like this, like you, like everyone here.”
Bottle rockets scream and pop in the background. The group, split into smaller subdivisions jokes, laughs and smokes their way through the fourteen minutes until the big moment. Fireworks are ready on the field and everyone begins to countdown. Nine voices in sync begin “ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two…..” The fire works on the field go of as do fireworks all of the city. We are surrounded by light in the sky on all sides. Child-like wonder and bliss lift me up. The possibilities of a new year float around in my head. My friends surrounding me seem close as family and as more wonderful than I could imagine.
The fireworks closest in proximity sputter out, leaving only the grand Space Needle firework show across the water that is obscured, but for sound, by the houses and trees in the neighborhood. Alexis turns to me, her blonde hair glowing almost like halo in the radiance of the streetlights. She reminds me of a protagonist in a movie. Her content and excited expression indicative of all I and everyone else is feeling.
“Melanie. Lets go.”
Grabbing my hand she starts to run and I follow. Soon I realize that she is pulling me towards the opposite end of the park and down the five or six blocks necessary to go to watch the main city fireworks. Everyone joins us in our hurried but happy pursuit to the viewpoint. Sprinting we run as fast as we can. The brisk air jolts in and out of my lungs as I rush, not wanting to miss the show. Four blocks to go and some residents are watching us with laughter in their eyes. Three blocks to go and someone yells to go faster. Two, I can almost see the Space Needle. One, the finish line is in sight. We arrive and everyone breathlessly looks on at the fireworks just starting to finale. The moment is perfect. A rare glimpse at true flawless bliss. The finale ends but the year is just beginning, one that seems full of endless promise of more perfect moments.

July 14th, 2016.
Sawyer pulls of the road into the parking lot of a dilapidated hotel.  Its nighttime and the dessert heat has evolved into piercing cold. The hotel seems to be something out of a horror movie. The cloudless sky and full moon caste the landscape with a sickly glow. I tell myself that is only one night and that what we are doing out here is worth it. Sawyer, Anna and I grab our bags out of the car and make our way in. Without incidence, we get our room keys from the seedy hotel concierge and spend the night in our grimy suite.
We arise to the sounds of ACDC blasting outside our room. Anna rushes to the window and starts to laugh. The cleaning lady has a boom box, like those that people would put on their shoulders in the 80s and is jamming out as she moves from room to room. The hilarity of the wakeup call brings a cheerful start to an otherwise dreary morning, but soon even this cheerful start goes away.
We gather our things and head out to a diner I saw on the way in for breakfast. A cheerful middle aged waitress greets us when we walk in the door. She seats us and when she comes back to take our order she immediately brings up the fact that we are from out of town.
“Howdy kids. Y’all are some fresh faces. How are y’all this morning? Can I get you started with some coffee or something else to drink?”
I answer for all of us.
“Yes please, three black coffees. No cream, No sugar. “
She rushes away and brings back steaming cups of liquid gold. A welcome sight.
“What are Y’all doing out here in our small little town? Out of towners are so infrequent these days.”
“Alder Mountain. Sawyer answers angrily.
The waitress is taken aback until Anna can cut in and make up for Sawyer’s discretion.
“Sorry Ma’am, don’t mind him. We are here to trek out on Alder Mountain.”
“Oh no worries at all Sweetheart.  He just needs his coffee and a good breakfast to wake him up.”
Sawyer grimaces. “But watch out kids, you’ve heard of what transpired up there a few months ago? Well I know it’s different, its summer after all and Y’all aren’t going out there alone, you have each other, but take care. “
Sawyer darkens, a visual representation of the nosedive my feelings have just taken.
I quickly change the subject, hoping to get her to move on.
“What would you recommend for breakfast?”
She perks up at the question and proceeds to illustrate her favorites and suggestions.
We finish the rest of the breakfast in contemplative silence. On our way out a poster catches my attention. I see Alexis’s face smiling at me from a paper dingy and torn.

March 11th, 2016.
My phone buzzes and looking over I see a text from Alexis.
“hey mel, coffee at upton in 30.”
Happy to be distracted from my schoolwork I grab my purse and run out the door just in time to catch the bus to the U district. I arrive at the coffee shop and see Alexis waiting, already having bought an iced coffee for her and a macchiato for myself. Smiling, I make my way to the table.
“Mel. I have to tell you about last night! It was crazy!”
“Alexis do not tell me you found another boy.”
“Better!”
“No way, what happened?”
“Sawyer picked me up from my house at like eleven and we made our way to the Ave like normal. Sawyer went to get cigarettes from someone on the street and I …..”
The story continued as one of Alexis and Sawyer’s classic adventures. Best friends since birth, the two were the lynchpins of our friend group. Alexis with her bizarre personality and Sawyer always down to adventure were the perfect pair. Sawyer and Alexis’s adventures provided Alexis with the perfect distraction from life’s troubles. Alexis’s family life was troubling and proximity to gateway people rather than gateway drugs allowed the lethal grasp of addiction to whisk her away from the stress and pain. Sawyer likewise came from a rough background and joined Alexis in her escape but was able, by whatever luck, to be less affected. The two supported each other and became each other’s lifelines. A friendship as strong as any relationship was forged between them.

March 12th 4 a.m.
My ringing phone jerked me awake. Sawyer’s name flashed on the screen.
“Sawyer, its four a.m. for God’s sake. What is up?”
“Mel, she’s gone.”
“Sawyer, What the hell are you talking about?”
“Mel. Alexis is gone.”
“She’s probably just in bed, you know, sleeping.”
“Mel, we were supposed to go out. I know you saw her today. Did she seem okay?”
“Yes perfectly! She seemed more than fine, happy. Much better than last week. Chill out. Her phone is probably dead, she never charges it.”
“But her car, its not in the driveway.”
“S***.”

July 15th, 2016.
Shaken from the poster, I open the car door and sit inside. Sawyer and Anna join me. Lighting up a cigarette, Sawyer rolls down the windows and starts the car. We begin our journey up to the mountain.
“Alexis always talked about this place, I didn’t think it would really be this beautiful.”
I’m startled. Sawyer hasn’t said her name since before. It seemed too harsh of a reminder, too filled with pain.
Anna and I agree that it really is. We continue.

March 12th, 2016.
I find Sawyer sitting on Alexis’s bed. Her parents had let him in thinking that Alexis had run off somewhere for the morning and would be back soon.
Tears roll down his face. He looks up, grasping a CD, a not and what looks like a roadmap.
The CD was David Bowie’s The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars, the map one of the area in which Alexis’s lifelong dream of visiting and object of fascination, Alder Mountain, was situated and a note made up of Alexis’s loopy handwriting.
“I’m okay. I promise, I’m okay. Sawyer – you were the light in my life. I love you. You will be okay without me… Mel – I love you, you are the most truly genuine friend and meant the world to me. Anna…”
And with that, as Sawyer looked at me and I could see the desolation, I knew everything had changed.

July 15th, 2016.
We arrive at the base of the trail and begin the hike. Sawyer pulls the map, now crumpled, out of his pocket.
"She wanted us to find something."
"I know." I replied.
It was commonly thought that Alexis had died here. Police and her family believed she had gone off by herself and gotten lost. Search parties were held and her car was found, empty and abandoned at the bottom of the trail, where we were now. Some thought it was suicide and some thought it was pure accident. But Sawyer refused to believe she was really, truly gone. Anna and I, on the other hand, thought that she had indeed passed away. I believed it was likely suicide as she had had some rough patches and never quite recovered. Anna thought it was an accident - a quest for self-discovery gone wrong. Neither of us dared reveal our opinions to Sawyer. He was too broken and defeated at Alexis's abandonment. He couldn't believe that she would leave him to fight the battles of life on his own.
Sawyer held out the map looking at it in the morning sunlight. He pointed to a small ink made dot almost too small to see.
"Let's head towards it."
Anna sighed and replied "Okay, we better get started."
We begin our trek up the mountain. Hours go by and we follow Sawyers directions. I begin to lose hope. Anna asks to stop and go back but Sawyer is insistent we keep going. Another 45 minutes passes and Anna and I lag behind.
From a distance we hear Sawyer yell.
"I knew it! I knew it was here. That something was here! She wouldn't leave me. I knew it."
We find him sitting on the ground clutching a plastic bag with a note inside, covered once again with Alexis's loopy handwriting.
"Sawyer, I knew you would follow me. I'll find you when I am ready. I just had to get away from it all. I've hidden my path so no one will know. But when it's time, I'll find you again.
Love,
Alexis"
And for the second time, I knew everything had changed.