A full moon hangs high in the sky, a bright white sphere against an otherwise black backdrop. The orb illuminates the crashing waves below, each wave fighting violently to get closer to the sky than the last. The wind whirls around, a challenge to the water to see who can be loudest. When the tide crashes against the rocks below, cold water splashes up to bite the toes of my shoes before falling across the surface of the pier in defeat. The sleeves of my jacket are soaked up to the elbow from leaning against the railing and the wind makes my whole body shiver, but who really cares about discomfort at this point?
Who cares about anything anymore?
Only the creaking of the rickety pier allows me to hear as cautious footsteps make their way toward me, water splashing with each step.  I feel his warmth as he settles himself next to me, leaning over the railing. We keep our gazes cast forward over the cool ocean and our hands shoved into the warmth of our pockets.
I swallow hard before asking, “Did you bring them?” The wind swallows up the unsteadiness in my voice, making my words barely audible. My friend registers the words yet still does not meet my eyes. He reaches deep into an inside pocket of his bulky jacket and pulls out a small black pouch. His hand is pale and shaky as he unties the bag, reaches in, and produces a pack of cigarettes and a lighter before shoving the bag back into his coat, an object still inside. I take the worn box of cigarettes in my hands, pull two out, and stuff the box into my back pocket. We each take one and light up, allowing the smoke to fall from our lip and the wind sweep it out into the dark sky. We stay like that for what feels like an eternity, shivering and smoking.
Finally, he speaks, his voice hoarse. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
I look over at him and wish I hadn’t. His normally bright blue eyes, once lively and full of light,  are dull and grey. His cheeks are red and puffy from crying and his bottom lip won’t stop shaking. His skin is pale and his cheeks are sunken in. My heart lurches; he’s falling apart.
“Matthew?”
I blink several times at the sound of my name before nodding solemnly. He purses his lips and nods once, a sad short nod.
Sad and short: like my life.
We both take another drag on our cigarettes. The smoke rises into the blackened sky before it disappears, barely a memory.
“Don’t do this.” I glance sideways at him, meeting those sad, pleading eyes. He breathes out and smoke pours from his mouth and nose.
“You know I have to.” I say, voice as flat and steady as I can manage.
“You don’t have to do this. We can get through this together. I can help you-”
“I have to do this.”
“But-”
“If you were really my friend, you’d do this for me.”
Silence.
He holds my gaze for a moment, words just on the tip of his tongue, but he swallows them back into his throat, never to be seen again. He drops his eyes to the soaked pier just as more freezing water splashes over our feet. "Please." he says simply, still studying the ground. "Stay."
He looks up as I take a step closer to him and place a hand on his shoulder. I lock my tired and dark eyes on his deadened ones and croak, "There's no other way out."
He moves his head down slightly and then up again, just barely an agreement. I drop my arm off his shoulder as he reaches back into the depths of his coat for the black bag. He produces it and holds in cautiously in his hands. He keeps his eyes down as he carefully unties the bag and pulls out the third and final item: a small handgun.
We take a moment, our eyes fixed on the gun shaking in his hand.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" His voice comes out like a sob.
I nod.
“Say it.” he demands.
I tear my eyes from the gun to look at him. “I have to do this. It’s the only way out.”
He nods.
With that, we press our cigarettes to our lips and suck long and hard, letting the cruel smoke swirl in our lungs, stealing what’s left inside us, before releasing it through our mouths only to be devoured by a dark and unforgivable sky.
We pitch the butts of the cigarettes into the waves below, watching as they fall and fall until they disappear into the depths of the water.
He steps away from me, the smooth, silver gun reflecting the light of the moon into my eyes. It shakes violently in his tight grip as he continues to back away from me, allowing a few feet distance between us. I press my back against the railing of the pier, the cold water still seeping through my many layers of clothing. My mouth is dry and taste like smoke, making it hard to swallow. The wind whips into my ears, making it hard to hear anything but my own thoughts. The tips of my ears, toes, and fingertips are so numb they can no longer be felt. I let my eyelids fall over my eyes and squeeze shut. I pull in a deep breath of air before pushing it out through my lips. I open my eyes and allow them to adjust.
He is standing a little ways from me now and is watching me carefully, studying my moves.
“I’m ready.” I say just loud enough for him to hear.
He adjusts his grip on the weapon but does not aim it. He takes a breath himself, his eyes closed to calm himself.
When his eyes are open once again and focused on me, I breath, “Do it.”
He, ever so slowly, raises the gun until it is level with my chest. He grips it tightly with both hands, yet it still shakes uncontrollably. His eyes are dark and unfocused and his lips and skin have run dry of color.
"You have to-" I begin.
"I know." he cuts in just before releasing the safety. He swallows hard, "Matthew?"
"Yeah?" I breath.
He struggles for the words, his voice sounding defeated, "I love you."
"I love you too." I manage .
In the next second, there is a loud bang and just enough light to watch as we both crumble to our knees. There's an even louder cry of agony and I don't remember if it ripped from my throat or his. My vision is blurry and I taste blood on my tongue and my hand is clawing at my heart and, dear God, there's a fire in my chest and I'm burning alive. Through squinted eyes and a foggy head I watch as he slowly presses the gun to his temple, his eyes locked on me and I try to scream but everything goes black.