I haven't told anyone what really happened. Not till now. I want to forget, but I want to remember. I still don't know what to think honestly. It was so unexpected. To this day I hate myself for it. If only I could have been there five minutes before. I could have done something to stop her but I didn't.

I was walking home from school that day where all I wanted to do is be at home and listen to music. Preferably Panic at the Disco or something emo pop. I was nervous to come home at the same time. I had 2 Fs for my report card and I know my mom is going to kill me. I didn't think about it much. I remember I just wanted to get home and get away from the summer heat burning at the top of my head. When I finally made it to the house I had forgotten that I left my key on the kitchen table in the morning.

So I knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked again. No answer. “Sarah.” I called, “Open the door.” Still no answer. I looked down getting frustrated and saw a bump under the rug. It was a key with a tiny piece of paper attached to it. “I'm sorry.” I was confused at first but a few seconds later I crumbled it up and threw it in my backpack. When I opened the door to the house it was dark. “Sarah?” She was always home before me and she wasn't supposed to leave the house till I  got home.

“Sarah?” There was no answer. I threw my backpack on the floor, turned on a couple of lights and went straight to the kitchen for an after school snack. There was a gift basket laying on the island with a letter. I figured it was Sarah’s gift but I was going to see what was inside it. As I tore through the basket I saw a letter that was titled “I'm Sorry.” It was ironic. Just like the one under the mat. I read the letter in a mumbling whisper  

“Isabelle. I don't know how to tell you this but I've decided to take my own life. It's not your fault, it really isn't. This is by my own choice. I feel as if I wasn't ready to live in society yet. Preferably not this one. Don't be sad when I die. Hopefully you are reading this message and not anyone else because I wanted to let you know first. I want to thank you for being the best sister ever. You have brought joy and happiness to me. You are beautiful and strong and have many loving friends and have a great future ahead if you. Please do not ever do what I have done. It may be shocking to you, but lately I have been under stress and taking lots of pills to calm me down. I haven't told anyone because I didn't want any of you to worry about my troubles. I thought I can fix my own problems but I have failed one too many times. But pills can not fill this empty, broken, betrayed heart. You and mom have nothing to do with this and I wish you for the best of luck on your journey through life. Be sure to have many wild, crazy adventures and don't be afraid to take risks. Have fun and enjoy life to the fullest cause you only have one. I was not crying when I wrote this, I was smiling. Do not go into my bedroom if you don't wish to see me. The gift basket is for you and Mom. Tell her that I love her and that I love you too. I'm sorry.”

   I was on the kitchen floor with my shaking hands grasping the note. I couldn't believe she's gone. I was terrified of what I had experienced. I thought that it could only be a dream. Sarah was always a happy person who had good grades and loved to dance. I walked upstairs heading for her room hoping this wasn't real.

   A tear streamed down my face as I turned the doorknob. I closed my eyes opening the door and I held on to the paper even tighter and I knew this was reality. I didn't want to open my eyes, I didn't want this to happen, I didn't want to live in a world without my sister. I let go of holding the truth back and opened my eyes to see that my pale faced sister was lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling with an empty pill bottle in her loose right hand.

I ran over to her and shook her. “No. Sarah wake up! Wake up Sarah!” She wasn’t moving. Her eyes were open and her head slightly tilted to the side. “...Sarah… Wake up…” I planted my face to her bed and held her left hand. “Sarah,” I quietly weeped. “Don't.” There was nothing I could do at that point. I got up and reached for the phone to dial 911.

  I had called the police in a calm voice. Well at least I remembered I was calm. As soon as I hung up, mom called. I picked up the phone and placed it on my ear staring at Sarah. “Hello honey.” There was a long pause and I replied. “Sarah says she loves you.”