Mama says I’m special, like Daisy. We found her poking through the snow last year. She said the flowers wouldn’t come in for a few more weeks but she was wrong. Mama let me keep Daisy in the big dictionary she kept on top of the bureau, and we pressed down it’s petals in between “Harmonically” and “Harvest Moon”. It's November now and I haven’t seen Daisy for a lifetime. Mama says we have to keep her there, but this morning I couldn’t wait any longer. I climb onto the old chair that's been here for as long as I can remember. The old legs creek as I climb it like a mountain. I stand on top of the seat on my tiptoes and the chair wobbles, back and forth like branches in the wind. I hold out my arms like they’re wings, standing like a bird for what feels like hours until the chair stops moving. I brush the edge of the dictionary with the tips of my fingers. Mama calls that the spine. She says I have one too. I do a little jump and miss the dictionary, and fall backwards off the chair.
I hit the ground and the kitchen shakes and I think there might be an earthquake. I scream and cry because I want Daisy and my back hurts, my spine hurts. I can hear Mama fling the sheets to the ground and run out of our bedroom.
“What happened?” her voice is loud, but I can’t tell if it's angry or worried. I point to the chair (it’s lying on its side, hurt, like me) and then up to the dictionary, tears running across my face. She’s on the ground now too, kneeling next to me, her hands on my back. She stares at me and tilts her head to the side, like the owl we saw during the winter time.
“Daisy!” I spit the word out through my tears as they flow down my face like the Niagra falls. Mama told me about that when we saw it in a big book full of maps which she says shows the rest of the world. She pointed to a spot on the sea of green and said “You've never left here.” I asked her if she had and she just sighed. I asked her about the falls and she said that it's in Canada and that made me laugh because that's a silly name but not anymore because now I’m hurt.
Mama says that my tears need to stop so I say okay and close my eyes tight and count to one hundred. She says it’ll be fine but I don’t believe her because everything still hurts and I still don’t have Daisy.  After the tears stop, she brings me to the kitchen and leads me into my chair. I know it’s mine because the red and white striped cushion is beginning to fray at the seams like Mama's hair in the summer. We sit and drink tall glasses of orange juice in silence. I stare at her big moon eyes, then down at my eggs, than back at her and I think that I’m starting to feel better. I don’t think she’s angry anymore, just sad. She seems to always be sad these days.
There’s a knock at the door and Mama gets up slowly from the table and goes to answer it. I turn around in my chair and stretch out my neck to see who’s there. At the door is Mrs. Cathy with a cold face, and I can tell the words she’s saying are mean ones. Mrs. Cathy’s dress is the same as Mama’s, but much more worn and the edges aren’t as smooth. It’s also a darker color, like the tablecloth when I spilt coffee on it. But everyday Mrs. Cathy washes her’s and hangs it on the big line that spans from our house to His house. Mamma won’t tell me his name and she gets upset whenever I ask. His house is high up on the hill, overlooking the rest of us, and is the largest one there. Mr. Scott, who lives two houses down, told me he has three bedrooms! I wonder why he would need that many because it's just him in the house, but I know better than to ask.
Mama and Mrs. Cathy are still talking but it's gotten louder now so I walk away from the kitchen and toward our bedroom. There’s a small window there, and you can just barely see the green trees through it if you squint real hard. Mama tells me that there’s more out there, more people and places, but I don’t believe her. No, it’s just us Me and Mama and the Mrs.’s and Mr.’s. And Him. I hear the door slam shut and Mama groans.
I don’t need to ask her what’s wrong she just starts to talk so I sit back down in my chair as she paces around the kitchen. “Daniel,” Her mouth begins to sag into a frown. “He wants us to come tonight. He says we have to go tonight.” I frown too. Every night and every morning He talks. Mama says He’s talking nonsense but sometimes I listen. When Mama is away in the garden or asleep, I open the screen door just enough to fit my pinky through. I stare at the fire and everyone around it and listen to Him. Sometimes he looks my way and I know he sees me but I just stay there, I just listen and I just watch as the flames jump around. He stares at me and his eyes aren’t like moons, they're like pebbles and they lock onto at mine. He talks about Salvation and something called Judgement Day. I wonder if that’s a holiday because that means we get cake. I’m too afraid to ask Mama.
The sun is in the middle of the sky so Mama says we have more time before we have to see Him. Mama looks at me and smiles, but I can tell it's fake. She turns and walks out the door. I race to the door and watch her walk away. She crosses the center of the circle of houses, passing the firepit and well. There are eight houses, three on each side of me and Mama and His directly opposite of ours. I see Him from his window, watching Mama as she drags her feet through the circle, towards the garden to the left of His house. I run away from the door and go back to our bedroom. I look through the window again, but this time I only see fence.
I spend a long time trying to get the dictionary down from its jail and I finally do by tying a rock to a blanket. I throw it behind the dictionary and pull it towards me real fast and THUD it falls onto the ground. I rush over to it and flip through the words. Mama and I used to practice spelling the words but we stopped going through them after a while. I flip through the pages until the H’s and then I find Daisy and I forget everything else. She’s smaller than last time but she looks prettier now. I hold her close for a while and then put her in my pocket. I lift the dictionary to put it back on the bureau but a letter falls out. I pick it up from the ground and can tell it's old because the paper looks like Mrs. Cathy’s dress. I squint and try to understand the letters. Me and Mama haven’t read together in a while. Dick and Jane sat alone on the shelf and collected dust with Spot. I hold the letter real close to my face and the words start to make sense.
It’s been 5 years and I-
Mama rips the letter from my hands.
“What are you doing Daniel?” This time I can tell she’s angry. Her face looks red and like its going to burst. BAM she slams the door shut and I can hear the birds fly away into the clouds. She has the letter in her hands and is reading it so fast I don’t even know how her eyes are staying in her head. Her hands move fast and the letter is now nothing but shreds on the ground. I want to cry again but I grab Daisy and pull her from my pocket and hold her next to my heart. Mama is too angry to notice her and she runs to the door. She pulls at her hair like it was a bunch of carrots stuck in the dirt.
She turns and looks at me and her face is so red I think she might be a strawberry. “Sit down,” she’s speaking much quieter now and I feel safe again. When Mama gets angry I get worried. For both of us.
We sit at the table and she looks at me then down at her hands which she tangled together. I look at her and know I’m her mirror, I tangle my hands and look down too. The room is all silence and nothing else. “Daniel, we have to leave.” I giggle a bit because Mama is being silly. Leave and go where? We’re here and that’s all, there is nothing outside of the fence. Why would we want to leave? “This isn’t a joke Daniel,” her voice is mean again and I want to cry. “I’m sorry honey but we have to go. It’s not safe here. We aren’t safe anywhere near Him.” I stand up from the chair and stomp my feet on the floors. “You’re not Mama!” I yell the words in her face and she closes her eyes and turns her head. I know Mama and she would never want to leave. We’re happy here and she knows that. Now Mama’s hurt my feelings and I want to kick and scream and cry at the same time. She gets up and walks over to the bedroom. I sit back in my chair and face the other way.
I can hear her lift up the duvet and scrape something across the floor. I want to look back at her but I resist and keep on staring straight ahead. I hear two clicks and then two more and then SCREECH the wood screams and then the sound stops. Suddenly she’s in the room again, sitting across from me. I’m not looking but I can tell. I wait for another life and I finally can’t look at the wall any longer because all the wood starts to blend together and I spin back around and look at her. On the table is a big book with thick pages. The front says ‘Maggie’ in big foam letters. I wonder who it is because she has pictures of Mama and a lot of other Mr.’s and Mrs.’s too. Mama points to the girl in the photo and says “That’s me Daniel.” Her voice sounds like it’s choking and now I’m scared. Her eyes are like little ponds and the water streams down the sides of her face. I’ve never seen her cry.
“Daniel there’s so much more.” she covers her face and looks up to the sky. I don’t want to believe Mama but I look back at the book. I flip through the pages and she’s right, there is so much. She’s laughing and smiling with a man, dancing in a room full of rainbow, throwing something into a pan with a little white hat. That one makes me giggle because the hat looks funny. Mama smiles at me and this time I think it’s real.
“Daniel we have to leave.” I don’t want to but she won’t stop begging me to get out of this place but is it really that bad?
“Can we ask Him first?” She stares at me like she’s lost and folds her head on the table. “Please Mama, it’s not fair, shouldn’t the others know?” She rubs her eyes and looks at me. The moons are smaller now and she can’t even try to smile anymore. The air flies out of her mouth and she nods slowly. Mama isn’t happy and I don’t know if she’ll ever be.
I spend the rest of the day drawing pictures of Daisy and walking around the house. Mama sits in the bedroom and writes something on a piece of paper she tore from one of our books. The sun is almost gone so I wave goodbye. I can hear the crackle of fire so I go to get Mama. But first, I put Daisy in Mama’s big book and carry it with me. She grabs me under her arm and we walk out of the house together. Mama closes the screen door and the wooden door on our way out. She’s never closed both before. We find a seat on the cold dirt near the back of the group and I count the heads all around us, there are 15 including me and Mama. I stare up at His house waiting for His door to open. I try to hold it shut with my mind.
I grab Mama’s arm tight as He walks down the hill. He’s taller than Mama and wears big brown boots that are tied with nice little ribbons like presents. On His waist is a little silver plate that has a small chicken on it. He fiddles with it as he looks over the cloud. His eyes aren’t like pebbles, they’re like sharp rocks. His face was narrow, like someone grabbed his chin and pulled forward making it all pointy. It looked sharp enough to make me and Mama bleed.
“I praise the lord that on this beautiful evening that God has brought us all together.” He stares at Mama and I move in front of her. Mama was right, He’s not safe.
He clears his throat. “You are all ------. Every single one of you. ------ to the deepest and darkest pits of hell. However, friends, there is still hope for us. The claws of Satan cannot smother the light that is our lord and savior Jesus Christ. Because even when we have been struck down by the sharpened sword of sin, when we have been kicked and beaten and isolated by those who do not appreciate the truth and Christ’s love, He is always there. And we must remain persistent and accept our lord with open arms.” Everyone whispers something about a man and I look around for someone but I see nothing. Mama was right. This is nonsense. He opens his mouth to speak again but I can’t take it any more.
I stand up and look at him across from me through the fire. I hold up Mama’s book and she tugs at my sleeves but I won’t move. “Let us leave.” My voice is so loud, even though I don’t know what I’m asking for. I stare at him and he starts to come closer. He tries to rip the book from my hands but I fight back. He’s stronger than I thought and I fall back and go crash and hit the ground THOMP. He laughs and walks away with the book and throw it into the fire. “Daisy!” I scream it as loud as I can. I run through everyone else, stepping on Mrs. Cathy’s dress and Mr. Ben’s hat I run up to the flames and stick my hand in and touch the book. I pull my hand out and scream and cry because it hurts so bad and I think this is what dying is. Mama runs to me and grabs me. We walk towards the house and I can’t stop crying no matter how hard I shut my eyes. He yells to stop but we keep going. He yells again and then there's a click and me and Mama look back.
In his hand is a shiny metal ‘L’ that he’s pointing at Mama. Her face is empty and the moons are now tiny grains of sand and she won’t move. I pull at her arm and she stays still even though I want her to because my hand hurts too much for me to handle and I need her to help. Mama looks at Him and drags me back to the pit. I don’t believe her because I’m hurt and she doesn’t care. I scream and scream because I’m hurt and Daisy is gone and Mama doesn’t love me. I kick at the ground and the dirt flies like little sparrows. I look at my hand and it’s red and blotchy and all bumpy. I feel the back of mouth is full of salt and stuff comes up but I just swallow it back down. Mama sits and looks down at the dirt and I stand there looking at him. He’s pointing the L at the ground now and I want to hurt him. I want to make him feel the fire a thousand times and maybe a few more. My breaths are big and loud but there are no more tears and I feel like I can’t breath. Mama tries to rest her hand on my shoulder but I scream. She doesn’t care about me anymore, nobody does. He turns away from us and stares towards the stars
“You -----!” He hisses the word at Mama. My hands still hurts and she might not love me but I still love her. I don’t know what he means but she looks scared again and I don’t know what to do anymore. “I give you a child and you do this? You’ve raised a monster. You taint us all, you are the snake in our garden” His tongue rolls with each sound and he spits with each word. “You have ruined us. You have ruined everything!” I feel him swallow us whole because he’s a monster and I look at Mama and she’s crying again that’s twice today. I grab her arm tight with my burned hand and squeeze hard. I can’t remember how much it’s supposed to hurt. He storms towards us both and I hold on tight to her dress and we both close our eyes, huddling together like mice.
“You could use some teaching.” He’s disgusting up close, his face tight and skin flaky. He grabs Mama by the arm and pulls him with her towards the hill. I scream and he slaps me across the face but it doesn’t hurt because I want Mama back. She’s stopped crying and looks afraid and sad. I want her to fight back but she doesn’t. I reach out to her again but this time he hits me with his fist. The others hang there heads and Mama lets out a scream like she was hit but she knows it was me because she saw. A tooth comes flying loose from my mouth and I didn’t think that was supposed to happen. My mouth is full of red and I keep spitting it out but it won’t stop and I fall to the ground all dizzy. By the time I stand up they’re at his door and he has Mama by the hair. I can’t scream anymore because it hurts to much, worse than losing Daisy, worse than falling of the chair, worse than the fire or the tooth. I fall on the ground and curl up tight because this mouse is alone without its Mama. I reach out and there’s my tooth and he’s alone too and we hold each other.
We hold each other for forever and then we sit up and look around. The fire’s gone and it stole all the light. The moon looks scary now, it's not as beautiful as Mama always says it is. The rest of them must of went back to their houses and left me alone. I look up at His house and there He is, in the window looking down at me and I’m scared now because the smile on his face is real. I close my eyes but when I look back all that’s there are shadows, running up and down the walls. I go to the fire and there’s the book, it’s only warm now. All that's left are the letters ‘M’ and ‘I’on the cover and one photo of Mama kissing another man with silly hats in front of a tree. I can’t find Daisy so I put the photo in Daisy’s old pocket. I stumble through the blindness and find our house and pull open the screen door. I walk into the big wooden door and hit my head. I forgot Mama closed that one. I twist the knob and the house is empty. The kitchen’s a mess but Mama will clean it up. Then I remember she can’t because he took her and I want to cry again but the tears aren’t there so I just stand still. The darkness doesn’t give as good a hug as Mama does. I close both door and lock them behind me. I head to our- my bedroom and crawl under the duvet. I let my tooth swim around in my hand until it gets tired then I put it in my pocket with the photo. I hear a knock on the door and I hold my breath because I don’t know if it's Him or Mama.
I crawl out of the bed and slink across the floor to the front door. I put my ear against it to make sure there is no one there. I swing it open and look around but all that’s there is a poppy, sitting alone on the front step. I can’t see anyone so I just grab the flower and run back inside. The dictionary is sitting on the kitchen counter and I flip to the ‘H’s. I press down the petals in between ‘Harmonically’ and ‘Harvest-Moon’ because that’s what Mama would have wanted me to do. I drag my feet back to my bedroom and stand there for a while. I wait for Mama to tell me that everything will be better but then I remember she’s not there. I don’t think that she’ll ever be. I look through the tiny window in the corner of the room. Fence is only gray specks now and outside I see trees and a little river. A tiny bird is hopping around a million daisies.