I vividly remember my childhood paradise. The magical place, that only brings back memories of laughing, and playing with friends. Every summer I can recall, my family would voyage across New England, until we reached a small beach house on the coast of Cape Cod, Massachusetts. I can picture the lovely lilacs swarmed by yellow jackets. I can still feel my feet struggling to climb down the rocky stairs, and all the way out to the ocean, past the clusters of sea glass and shells. My face soaking in radiation from the blistering sun, and the soft sand nipping at my gentle toes. A sea breeze whipping back my brunette curls, and nose drowning in the salty aroma. Gentle waves float to the coast, and softly rub against the Earth.  As the day passes, dawn becomes night. Violet sweeping over the sapphire sky, and crying for the inhabitants to rest. Morning arrives with a grey blanket of clouds covering the atmosphere, and trapping the sun from shining through. Wave after wave comes crashing down on the sandy shore. Building up in momentum until finally reaching its peak, and washing everything away in the wake. Rolling in uncontrollable right after the last, and clearing its path for the next rush to follow. Large drops of cool seep through the sky dampening the sand, and everyone trying to catch a glimpse of the sun's rays. Shortly after the nightmare, enclosed homes begin to open curtains, and the playful dogs sprint across the sand like it’s their first time seeing day. Colorful dye splashes against the bank, and the people diving in get drowned in light. Each horrific day leaves the rest appearing beautiful.
I loved taking long walks on the beach with my dad, competing to find the most shiny shards in between the polished pebbles. He’d always joke that his 40-something year old eyes were better at finding the blue glass that reflected off our matching aquamarine eyes. Every day seeked a new adventure; whether it was a race to the ice cream shop, or seeing who can catch the most waves before diner. There was no one there to dictate my every move, and freedom stretched from coast to coast.
The dynamic duo had always been Ella and Meagan. My chestnut waves contrasting her pin straight blonde. Memories of us skipping down the beach, and surfing in the ocean at the beach house stayed fresh in my mind. She was the one person who shared every experience with me as a kid, and set foot on the front porch of the sacred building. She was my person; we told eachother everything, and I never trusted anyone more.
As I got older, my parents lost the beach house. The budget couldn’t afford to take weeks off of work, and I was stuck at home. My world became my bedroom, and the horizon was the screen of my phone. Every second was spent checking up on social media, and finding out how to get people I barely know to double tap my pictures. I was obsessed with what people thought of me, and was addicted to getting the approval from my peers. Ella was the only person I saw the summer before freshman year. I went over to her house once a week, and there she gave me beauty tips, and we fantasized about what high school will throw at us. She gave me my social status, got me through middle school, and I relied on her for the next four years of my life as well.
The start of freshman year I remember my first crush; how Meagan patiently waited through all my rants of how amazing the day was, and how much I laughed and how he smiled at me. I remember my first boyfriend, and Meagan’s quick response to whatever text he sent to me, that maintained the relationship, and gave me confidence. And I remember my first breakup. How she was standing in my doorway, waiting to collect the tears of all the emotions that past year on her shoulder. And I couldn’t have pictured these moments with anyone else. But even picture perfect things wear off. Meagan changed with the seasons. By the start of sophomore year, she was dating a junior, and made a whole new set of friends. I was the invisible one, and was slowly evaporating from her life. When her boyfriend was caught cheating on her, I wasn’t informed until two weeks later, when she posted it on instagram. It was like I never knew her, and without her I was nobody. She brought out my confidence, and I shared all her friends, because I was too scared to make my own. Whenever I was talking to a classmate, their friends who saw instantly questioned who I was, even though we have been in the same class since the first grade. The embarrassment kicked in, and I was forced to hide my outgoing personality behind  an introverted skin. Every time I opened my mouth to speak there were three thoughts drowning out all hope: They don’t know you, they won’t like you, and nobody cares.
Summer vacation before my sophomore year of highschool, I spent my two months plotting how to get my life back. Every idea that I could think of had one main goal: to win Meagan back. I wanted her in my life, and desperately needed her fame to improve my social status. There was no way around it. She was the only well-known person who I was previously friends with, and I guarantee that she's the only one who vaguely remembers my name.
The first month of school, I tried to be as outgoing and friendly as possible. Strategically choosing where to sit in each class, and only talking to certain people seemed like a good action plan to making the “right” friends. It thought it was working for a while. Everyone asked me for help with homework, and to follow them in instagram, and to my knowledge, they wanted to be my friend. At lunch one day, I was telling everyone how some people were really annoying and weird so I seemed “cooler” at the time. I looked around the table, receiving nods of approval, until this guy,  Andre, who sat a few seats over, mumbled under his breath, “It’s like she doesn’t even notice”, and “why does she even sit here?”.
I called him out on it, “Well, someone's not feeling included... Andre” teasing him like we’ve been friends for years.
He immediately responded with “You should know all about that,” and I felt my heart sink into the ground. I laughed it off, but the thought of whether he was kidding around of not kept slipping into my head.
In history class, I gave my presentation on the Russian tsars, and how with absolute power, they didn’t realize the harm they were causing people. Looking out into the audience, I heard Andre whisper “I think Peter the Great would have gotten the hint by now,” to Meagan, and she started laughing. I stuttered, and stared at my “friend” and ex-best friend who were obviously talking about me, and probably wanted me to hear that. My face flushed a cherry tomato hue, and my eyes began to fight back tears. I took a deep breath in as my lip quivered, and finished my presentation as quickly as possible. Immediately after, I sprinted to the bathroom, and cried until I looked like a raccoon from the mascara running down my cheek. I had no idea why he would ever say that about me, and most importantly, if everyone was saying those things too. He must not have been joking when he said I didn’t belong at lunch, and probably everyone at that table thought the same way about me. I was an embarrassment, and people only wanted me there to make themselves look better.
The next Saturday was homecoming, which included the football game, and the dance. I spent weeks finding my dress, and searching for the perfect hairstyle. I chose a beautiful royal blue dress that complimented my eyes. It had the most intricate and lovely embroidery, and was the prettiest and most expensive piece of clothing I owned. After the incident in history class, the last thing I wanted to do was show my face at the football game, or show up at homecoming alone. That Saturday afternoon, I watched all the instagram posts roll in of people decked out in blue paint, at the high school football field. I desperately wanted to go, but I couldn’t risk being singled out again, and possibly in front of more that just my history class. So instead, I went through an old photo album, and found pictures of when I was five, and running across the Cape Cod beach. I thought to myself why my life can’t be this carefree anymore, and had the desire to return to the home of my childhood.
That night at dinner, my mom wouldn’t stop questioning me why I wasn’t at the dance. “I can’t believe you spent $60 on a beautiful dress, and are sitting here instead of dancing with your friends!”
I decided to bring up the beach house, and asked “Can we could go back to the house this summer? We haven’t been in years, and it's time for a vacation”.
“We would love to take you back, but I’m not sure if the budget will allow it. I think it’s definitely something to consider though” replied my mom. Even though she said that we could possibly return, she was right: there was no way we are financially able right now, or anytime in the near future. My mom was struggling with a new job, and couldn’t afford to pack up and leave this summer. The sunrise over the ocean from my bedroom window would just have to wait.
I couldn’t mend the family income, but could try to restore the harmony between my classmates. In attempt to fix some friendships, I considered talking to Meagan about the situation. She always understood my problems when we were young, and I still would trust her with my feelings even though we don’t talk often. That night, I texted her and asked if she wanted to grab lunch next Tuesday, because I had something important to tell her. She replied with a yes, and I was happy to hear that at least one person doesn’t hate me yet.
I met her at a small cafe downtown, and we both ordered coffee, and caesar salads, like we did when we were best friends. “So what did you want to talk about?” Meagan asked me.
“Well, I may seem paranoid, but I think people are saying things behind my back. I overheard Andre twice mention that I didn’t realize something, and I feel like everyone thinks I’m annoying now”. That was about the hardest thing I’ve ever said to someone who I once cared so much about. Meagan could either be supportive, or could ruin my life with my own words.
She replied with “Honestly, there are some people who aren’t a fan of you, and are just trying to make themselves look better by making fun of you. Was it just Andre, or were other people saying things too?”.
I really didn’t want to call her out on this, but I couldn’t help it. “In history class, I heard Andre tell you that I needed to take a hint or something, and then you started laughing”.
“Oh my god! I didn’t realize you heard that, and I’m so sorry. I didn’t even mean to laugh. It’s just that even I want people to like me, especially him”.
“What are you talking about? Literally everyone loves you!” I replied, sounding shocked. I didn’t think people like her have to worry about these things.
“People only like me because I try to hard to blend in. No one would ever talk to me if I was the same person as two years ago,” she answered. Even though I didn’t believe her completely, she seemed like she was telling the truth.
School the next day was a blur. All I remember was walking into history class, and trying to read the lips of Meagan and Andre’s conversation. It went along the lines of “She told me everything”, and “Try not to be so obvious”. She was using me to gain popularity, while was helplessly sitting here, plummeting down a bottomless trench. I wanted to scream, and sprint out of this classroom, back to my house where I would be safe from the teasing. The horror was interrupted with the bell, and hundreds of students flooded into the hall, and I was washed into the crowd. I broke free when I got to the cafeteria, and I had two options: face the people who are going to humiliate me, or hide in the bathroom, where they will do it behind my back. Before I have time to analyze which will limit the embarrassment, I hear Andre yell from across the room “Ella, aren’t you gonna sit down?”. With that, I slowly crept toward the table where I saw him, Meagan, and five other people staring at my every move. I awkwardly sit down, prepared for whatever they are going to throw at me.
“So, you’ve finally saw the sign. I tried to warn you Ella, but I guess you’re just too dumb to realize that nobody likes you,” stated Andre. I was speechless, and didn’t know whether to stay and wait for someone else to talk, or pack up and leave with a trial of laughter. Andre interrupted my thoughts with “you can leave now” and I slung my backpack over my shoulder, and slumped away to the farthest empty table. I looked over once to see what they were doing, and the whole table was staring out me, and wouldn’t stop laughing, and I began to cry. The cement wall blocking out my waterworks cracked, and the whole ocean started pouring out of my eyes. Meagan must have saw me, because the next time I looked up, she was sitting by my side, looking heartbroken. She put her arm around my shoulder, began sobbing and apologizing simultaneously.
“I don’t know what I was thinking! I tried to tell Andre to stop being mean to you, and he just does this. I can’t explain how sorry I am. I hate him, and all of his friends. They have no reason to bully you, and if they are, then I’m not their friend anymore. Screw fitting in. All they care about is themselves, and won't stop ruining lives until they are the number one.” We hugged it out, and went to her house after school. Her mom made us coffee and salad, and we talked for hours, until we have said everything we hated about everyone at least three times.
The rest of sophomore year was significantly improving. Every day, I sat next to Meagan at lunch, and our relationship continued as if we were best friends the whole time. We caught up on all the family drama that went on, and talked about what we were going to do this summer. Whether it was beach days, or pulling revenge pranks on Andre, the common factor was that we were always together, and it was decided that nothing or nobody would ever separate us again.
The family dinner on the last day of school was the due date for how we are going to spend the next eight weeks. “I know that Ella wanted to go to the beach this year since we haven’t been in forever. Last week, my boss gave me a raise, so I am happy to say that we are going back to the Cape this year! I’m also letting you bring a friend Ella, since you are much older now, and don’t want to hang out with your parents for a few weeks” exclaimed my mom.
After the dreaded six hour car ride across New England, I woke up with a stunning yellow and pink sunrise on one side, and my best friend on the other. Taking the first few steps out the side door, and down the steep, rocky steps was like flashing back in time, and running down to the cool ocean made me feel like my five year old self again. My long brunette curls flying behind my ears and the ocean splashing up my legs. I ran down the beach, picking up every piece of sea glass I could find. That night there was a campfire, and we sang songs, and toasted marshmallows under thousands of stars. After a few hours, we felt a drop of rain, and sprinted back inside to the beach house, where we took a break for the night.
The sky kept crying the next morning, but wasn’t going to hold me back. I was a horse being let out of its cage, galloping towards the sea. The rain soaked me before even getting my hair wet. I splashed around in the water with Meagan, and had so much fun, the freezing water was cancelled out by the warmth in our hearts. Nothing was on my mind. Not Andre, no school; just me and this paradise. Before we knew it, hours passed by of catching waves, and racing to beat the wake. When mom called us in for lunch, the sky was painted with vibrant colors, that stretched as far as we could see. Gazing up into the sky, I thought about the happiest way imaginable. My poker face instantly transformed in a smile ear to ear, and before I knew it, we were packing up, and on the road to Massachusetts for the first time in 11 years, and rewinded back to when I was five. I vowed to live the rest of my life like this: carefree, and full of laughter and color. Even when a storm strikes, you have to dive right in, and in the end, a rainbow will always appear.