Perfect | Teen Ink

Perfect MAG

February 10, 2009
By Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
2 articles 1 photo 1 comment

The eyeliner makes the dark circles less pronounced. The lip gloss hides the trembling. The ponytail conceals missing patches of hair. The Abercrombie sweater covers bruises. I might look at bit thinner, but everyone will ask about my new diet. My hair might not shine the way it used to, but the pink ribbon will distract curious eyes. One hour of preparation and I look like myself. One hour of preparation and no one will know. One hour out of 24. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it – wasting a twenty-fourth of my day on a lie. But then I see my wispy hair and baggy eyes, and I have to do it.

Checking my makeup one last time, I push my sleeves up, though not past my elbows. I slip on a cute pair of flats – heels are too dangerous with shaky legs – and grab my Hollister bag. Padding downstairs, I inhale the scent of waffles and syrup.

“Morning, Mom,” I call.

“Morning, baby,” she chirps. “Did you sleep well?”

“Better than I have been.”

She sighs, and her eyes look a hundred years old for a minute. “Any improvement is good,” she says half-heartedly.

“Of course.”

“I made waffles.” Her offering.

“Thanks, Mom. Smells delicious.” My offering.

I sit at the table and she hands me a plate. The thought of all that food turns my stomach, but I force a smile and thank my mother again. She busies herself at the sink and fills the silence with chatter. When she turns around, she takes in the waffles still on my plate, only missing a few bites. I smile apologetically.

“I’m not very hungry this morning.”

“You’ll need your strength for this afternoon.” She bites her lip. She doesn’t like to bring it up over breakfast. I eat another bite.

“I packed your lunch.”

“I’m 18, Mom. I can pack my own lunch. You have more important things to do.”

She reaches for the paper sack. “But now I know you’ll have something to eat. And you need to eat, okay? You have to keep your strength up.”

Sighing, I take the bag. I know this peanut butter and jelly sandwich won’t be eaten, not any more than the one yesterday or the day before. And even if I do eat it, I’ll just throw it up later. Anything consumed after 11 ends up in a plastic basin at 4:07. It’s just the way it works.

“Hon, have you thought about what I said the other day?” she asks.

I shrug noncommittally.

“Sweetheart, you can’t hide this forever. Eventually you’re going to miss school and people will start asking questions.”

“Mom, I have two months left of high school. I can make it ’til then. I’m class president and probably valedictorian. I was voted ‘Most popular,’ ‘Most fun to be around,’ ‘Best smile,’ and ‘Most likely to succeed.’ I’m the girl who’s got it all together. People don’t want to know that the girl who’s got it all together, doesn’t have it all together. People don’t want to know that girl is dying!”

“Honey, don’t say that. You’re not dying.”

“Yes, I am. I have cancer. You heard Dr. Morrison. I have maybe a year left. But that means I can graduate and then never see those people again. I’ll die and they’ll feel sorry for me, but at least I won’t have to endure their pity.”

“But …,” she tries to interrupt.

“Mom, listen to me. I don’t want to be the girl everyone looks at and whispers, ‘Look at her. Poor thing, she has cancer.’ I can’t handle that. I want to be normal. Just for these last two months.”

“Okay,” she whispers. “Okay. Just remember, it’s okay if you don’t have it all together. Sometimes things just fall apart and there’s nothing we can do.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I grab my bag and lunch and kiss her on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” my mom replies. This exchange, once taken for granted, is now a vital part of every morning, every afternoon, every night. Three little words, followed by four more, have come to mean more than an entire conversation. They bridge all gaps and disagreements, because we both know there is now a finite number left.

Keys in hand, I open the door and blink in the early morning sun. My silver car waits in the driveway and as I walk toward it, I check my reflection in the tinted window. Perfect.



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This article has 838 comments.


on May. 8 2012 at 5:38 pm
Number_One_Mommy GOLD, Springfield, Oregon
10 articles 14 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Your Only Out Of The Game, When You Take Yourself Out!"
-My Daddy

I really Like the way that you describe Your Character and how she is "perfect" but how it is really all a lie. it reminds me of how i used to be. Hiding what and who i really was with the make-up and clothes. Hoping that no one would know the change. You are amzing and i absolutly LOVE this piece. :)

on Apr. 25 2012 at 3:01 pm
Claire_baller PLATINUM, Platteville, Wisconsin
40 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have left.
I Don't need easy, I just need possible.
10% luck 20% skill 15% concentrated power of will 5% pleasure 15% game and 100% reason to remember the name!

You probly hear this a lot, obviously becuase you have sooo many comments but that was truely beautiful and amazing!

on Apr. 25 2012 at 3:00 pm
Claire_baller PLATINUM, Platteville, Wisconsin
40 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have left.
I Don't need easy, I just need possible.
10% luck 20% skill 15% concentrated power of will 5% pleasure 15% game and 100% reason to remember the name!

True that!

on Apr. 23 2012 at 8:02 pm
TheMouseWins BRONZE, Cumberland Center, Maine
1 article 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
I have two. I know, very duplicitous.
"I know what you're thinking... and you oughtta be ashamed of yourself." --Robert Preston.
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."- Groucho Marx

This is a lovely story with a twist; I'm very sorry about the haters who read your story. They probably are flunking their english classes.

At this point, I would ask you to read my work. But that would be annoying. So I will selectively choose not to.


on Apr. 19 2012 at 1:35 pm
Piper Shaw BRONZE, Scottsdale, Arizona
2 articles 0 photos 5 comments
This story seemed like an exposition to me, not much of a plot. Nonetheless I liked how the story led me to believe she had an eating disorder and I was surprised when I found it was cancer. The description of her was really well written. I liked the touch of "perfect too". Good story

JMuglia BRONZE said...
on Apr. 17 2012 at 5:34 pm
JMuglia BRONZE, Scottsdale, Arizona
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments
That story was extremely well written. I liked the description in the first paragraph. I also liked how you kept the part about her having cancer out until near the end. It kept me curious and wondering what was wrong.

on Apr. 15 2012 at 8:37 pm
Maddie_Rae PLATINUM, Newalla, Oklahoma
20 articles 8 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
I write my life in ink, that way i can still remember the good things, and yet i can never erase my mistakes.

Very, very, very good!

vazenitran98 said...
on Apr. 14 2012 at 6:57 am
vazenitran98, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 79 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street,I met a man who had no feet."

This was quite amazing,how the character can be so calm and wise at the situation before her. I'm not sure I even said it right,but anyway,still amazing!

on Apr. 10 2012 at 7:08 pm
CallMeAria PLATINUM, Vancouver, Other
30 articles 27 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON :)

This is beautiful and chilling at the same time, and so true for lots of teenagers who fake it all the time.

on Apr. 10 2012 at 6:32 pm
BloglessBlogger GOLD, Somerset, California
10 articles 1 photo 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't let the fear of striking out keep keep you from playing the game."

It's very true... Cancer doesn't strike the weak ones it strikes the otherwise happy and cheerful indiviuals. People need to understand that they don't need sorrow, they need to be able to enjoy the time they have left. If I were to have cancer not even my best friend would know, she is an amazing friend but she'd take pity on me and if I only have a little to live, I'd want to be surronded by the happy people, not doctors and nurses just people who don't know...   You really made me think, considering how long I wrote. Thanks it gives me a different perspective.                            "Don't pity the dead, pity the living. Especially those living without love." -Dumbledore

on Apr. 10 2012 at 5:14 pm
maizyiscrazy GOLD, Washington, District Of Columbia
10 articles 53 photos 261 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe in miracles. ~Audrey Hepburn

What makes you say that?

 


TTTeeSS GOLD said...
on Apr. 10 2012 at 7:41 am
TTTeeSS GOLD, La Porte, Colorado
17 articles 6 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
There is no such thing as nothing, yet there is such thing as nothing, simply because there is nothing such as nothing.

This was really good. It brought tears to my eyes. I know the way it feels to have someone close to you be diagnosed with cancer, and told they have so long left. Then trying to walk around like nothing is wrong.

mollyb SILVER said...
on Mar. 20 2012 at 11:27 am
mollyb SILVER, North Huntingdon, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."

This was absolutely amazing! I loved it, I could read it all day and never get tired of it. Great job!

on Mar. 19 2012 at 8:45 pm
xflighty_firex BRONZE, Clarity, Other
3 articles 1 photo 6 comments
The beggining is good. And your writing is equally interesting. It's just, it's hard to believe she has less than a year left. When cancer strikes, it's not pretty. Not bad, but.  .

on Mar. 19 2012 at 7:54 pm
Perfect-Darkness GOLD, Kennebunk, Maine
19 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
One of the hardest things you'll ever have to do is to stop loving someone because they've stopped loving you.

I Love it, its an amazing piece of writing. It's so sad that for some people this is a reality. 

on Mar. 19 2012 at 5:58 pm
writer3499 GOLD, New Bedford, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
"it's impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might has well not have lived at all-in which case you fail by default."
-J.K.Rowling

WOW this was amazing! I love the part about "I love you" meaning more then the whole conversation. I wrote a poem about that. Anyway...it was brilliant!!!

on Mar. 19 2012 at 12:08 pm
lilyloveswriting BRONZE, Morrisville, Vermont
2 articles 3 photos 23 comments
that is brilliant!!

on Mar. 19 2012 at 8:38 am
Hetalia-otaku SILVER, Sweden, Maine
5 articles 0 photos 47 comments

To all people who hate this story;

There is something wrong with you.  This is a beautiful and touching piece of writing that relates to the harsh real world.  How can you hate what can really, maybe happen to someone close to you.  How would you feel then?  Oh, and a note to the author:  AMAZING job!  This brought tears to my eyes!! :')


ninachoco said...
on Mar. 15 2012 at 8:05 pm
This is amazing! iI love to write and I look to you as a mentor. PLEASE keep writing!

RosyPosie96 said...
on Feb. 18 2012 at 11:15 pm
Oops. Sorry I called him indecent. You're clearly a good person trying to patch things up.