Excerpt from Literally Caged | Teen Ink

Excerpt from Literally Caged

April 5, 2009
By ~Wolf-Woman~ PLATINUM, Carthage, Missouri
~Wolf-Woman~ PLATINUM, Carthage, Missouri
24 articles 10 photos 31 comments

I awoke to a hammering pain in my skull and blood trickling out from a wound on my scalp. I knew I had awakened, yet I couldn’t see any of my surroundings. I tried opening my eyes and reopening them again, but I was still welcomed by the same darkness enveloping me. The only light I noticed in the room seemed to be coming from a crack underneath a door. It proved to be useless because I couldn’t even see my own two hands in front of my face.

I felt around trying to figure out where the heck I was. I knew I was no longer safe and sound, tucked snuggly in my bed at home. Beneath me, what I was crawling on, was cool to my touch, and felt like metal. I crawled about on hands and knees, scared of the environment surrounding me, but soon realized I could not go far. The metal flooring only extended so far out till it reached a metal barrier. I soon realized that I was trapped in a cage, with metal bars, no bigger than a dog’s kennel. There was only enough room allowing me to lay down, curled up in a ball and sitting up on my knees. Only enough room for me to grovel down and beg, just like a dog.

I thought to myself, trying to come up with all the possibilities of where I was and how I got to be where I was at the moment. The last thing I remembered was going to sleep around twelve and tossing and turning due to a disturbing dream I had. In my dream I was asleep, just like I was in real life, and then awoken due to someone breaking into my room through the window. The mysterious person came over to my bedside and seemed to do something to me, but I don’t remember what. That was the last thing I remembered of the dream before I blacked out I guess.

“Uh oh!” I said to myself. “No, this can’t be happening. Oh my gosh! This can’t be real.” I had just realized the dream I had that night was no dream at all. It was in fact real. Some psycho had broken into my house, knocked me out, and literally kidnapped me. “HELP! Somebody HELP me!” I started to panic. I tried standing up without thinking and was welcomed by another sharp pain in my head. “Darned cage!”
It wasn’t long till at least “someone” responded to my pleas for help. I heard heavy footsteps coming from above me, so I got the impression I was being kept in a basement. Such an original hiding place it was. The footsteps traveled right above my head and then they seemed to be coming from the stairs leading to where I was. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” I started to hyperventilate a tad bit and a few tears seemed to leak out and drizzle down my cheek. The door creaked open slowly; the background light from the stairway lit up the room enough for me to see and illuminated the man standing, staring right at me.
With a flick of a switch, the man lightened up the entire room to where I could finally look into the face of my kidnapper. He walked across the length of the room to where I was, then knelt down onto his knees, and became level headed with me. The man wasn’t half bad looking for a kidnapper. He was a white male, probably around thirty years of age, and was nicely built. On top his head was a mop of shaggy brown hair with piercing, cold, dark brown, almost black eyes located a little farther down.
“Hush my darling. There’s no need to cry,” he said in a soft, hushed tone. Everything’s just fine. You’re okay and in perfectly good hands.” The man reached into the cage and whipped away a stray tear streaming down my cheek. I shuddered away from the strange man’s touch. “You have nothing to worry about. I won’t hurt you,” he said, warmth filling his voice.
The only thing I managed to croak out from my mouth was “Why? Why me? Why are you doing this?”
“Everything will be revealed to you in all do time my sweet,” he whispered through the bars. He was so close to my own face I could feel his warm, damp breath run across my face, causing shivers to run down my spine, and making goose bumps appear on my limbs.
“Please,” I whined. “Please let me out of here.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not able to do that. You might feel the need to abandon me, leaving me all alone.” The man seemed to get angrier as he went on due to the tightening grip he held on the poles. “I can’t stand to be alone.” He paused. “That’s why I have you my pet. Pets are meant to keep people company.” As he went on the anger seemed to reside to make room for sadness that was apparent on his face.
The man rose up from bending down on his knees. He moved side to side and arched his back backwards, stretching himself out after bending down so long. “I have to go now. Other errands need to be tended to. Now be good my love. There’s no need for the yelling. I will be out and no one else is able to hear you from down here.” He went to flip out the light, but I cut him off right before.
“Don’t leave me here. Please let me out.”
“I’m sorry Jayla. You know I can’t do that.”
“Wait….how do you know my name?” I was stunned the man knew who I was. I thought he had picked me out at random. Things started to creepier as the time went by.
“I know many things about you Jayla, your name included. I’ve been keeping an eye on you”. With that he was gone. At least he had left the light on.
That’s when I snapped! “Let me out of here you jerk! I know you can hear me! Let me out!” I rammed my entire body against the left side of the cage, using all the 110 pounds contained within my body, then the next side, the next side, and the other lastly. None of the bars even slightly squeaked lose. With all the hope I could muster I slammed my body one last time against a side sending the cage and me along with it toppling over. The cage ended side up with me lying atop the uncomfortable bars. My whole body ached, all the way from my head to my feet. “That’s going to bruise in the morning,” I thought to myself. “Please, please, let me out!” I muttered as I started to cry again.

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This article has 2 comments.

xcrunner16 said...
on Nov. 10 2009 at 1:56 pm
:D! I like this story a lot :)

It makes me want to keep reading.

on Apr. 19 2009 at 3:05 am
Denae Worcester BRONZE, Castle Rock, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 31 comments
Well, aside from a need for a little editing, good job.

The beginning was very abrupt (as was the end, which was different) and Jayla's plight was...scary? Intriguing?

And your bad guy was weird, in a good way. We don't know anything about him, and he flatters the main character while leaving her locked up.

Your story was mostly written well, but you need to work on your description. It wasn't boring, but it WAS confusing. From "metal barrier" the reader doesn't know she's in a cage with bars until much later. Oh, and Jayla sounds blind in the first paragraph, which threw me off. Also, the whole "dream being real" thing was confusing. i worked out what you meant, but it could've been said clearer, in fewer words. Don't describe it twice, perhaps. Try having her say she had a weird dream, then stop and have her gasp and realize it wasn't a dream, that someone really had climbed through her window last night and kidnapped her.