I’m a girl. A girl that over thinks about the way she looks. Gets upset about things she sees and has no control over. I stay up at night driving myself insane with my own thoughts swirling around in my head, letting my mind as well as my eyes become blurry and clouded with non existing situations and past events. I change myself too much to fit the title. I give up too much of myself in order to please and then feel that it wasn’t enough in the end.

When I seen what I saw...it hurts. It hurts more knowing that he did it and it hurts knowing that I won’t be able to fit the image that he’s drawn to. I can’t be like the people he sees. Especially now in the situation I’m in. A stay at home mom is what I got in my future and I did it for him....I did it because he had said it’s what he wanted. I wanted it too but only with him. It’s not right of me to go through messages no matter how many times he says he doesn’t care. The guilt still stays after I’ve looked but when I hadn’t looked before...he saw what everyone else had to offer. It may not have been his body but his eyes, the eyes that I wanted to just look at me, to think I’m beautiful and that I’m what he wants, they saw different things. Reacted to different things and that can’t be changed. Even with my complaining and outburst.

It hurts and my eyes are heavy and swollen. I won’t tell him any of this of course because I need to just “get over it”. Just like the incident. Problem is, I was never able to get over things so easily. That’s why I don’t tell anyone what I have a problem with. If they don’t know, they can’t tell me to get over it. I don’t know why I get hurt over these things...maybe because I’m just a girl