The wedding bells tolled. Wyatt stood at the altar, in a black and white tux with a blue bowtie. His palms began to sweat, whether because of the rather fluorescent lighting or from his anxiousness, he did not know. The doors whooshed open, and his four year old niece walked through, with her hair in tight coils, and a midnight blue dress. As she pranced down the aisle, she tossed flower petals carelessly on the floor. Her complete and utter happiness shined through in her smile, and Wyatt couldn’t help but smile too. After she got to the front of the room, he averted his gaze back to the open doors, and there stood the most breathtaking woman he had ever seen.  

       His soon-to-be bride, Jacinda, glided into the room with such grace that no one, not even Wyatt, could tell that she donned heels. Her pristine white lace dress spilled onto the floor around her, and followed her as she made her way down the aisle. Her makeup was done ever so simply, her cheeks a light pink and just a dash of color on her eyelids. Her skin glowed as she smiled widely at Wyatt. Her hair, pulled back on both sides into a braided bun, save for two wispy curls framing her face, shined in the light. Wyatt suddenly felt overcome with a wave of emotion, because he got to spend the rest of his life with this woman, who chose him, despite all of his flaws, and his parents, who did not like Jacinda at all.

        When Jacinda saw Wyatt standing at the altar, she felt so grateful. He looked absolutely astounding in his tuxedo, with a pop of blue, because he said that he wanted to show off his favorite color. She knew, from the moment that they decided to take the risk and join each other in a relationship, that he was the man for her. He understood her in ways that no one else could, or ever tried to, and because of that she cared so deeply for him. It was completely crazy, she thought, how she had a life before him. It seemed baffling to her how she got past her mother’s death without him to be her shoulder to cry on. When she met him, she still grieved for her mother almost every day. However, after meeting him, all of the sadness she felt changed. She started to see a future where she could be happy, and focus on the good things in life. Wyatt brightened up her life, and if she had not met him, she had no idea where she’d be. Despite the fact that his parents did not like her, she knew, without a single doubt in her soul, that this was the man that she was meant to be with, forever and always.

As she stood at the altar, eagerly awaiting the “I do’s”, she pondered how special the concept of marriage was, and how thankful she was to have found a good man who shared her same views on it. There were really no words for the type of marriage that lasts, and that was what she wanted to have. No. It was what she needed to have. Marriage was so much more than a legal document to her, it was a promise. It was a lifelong promise that was not meant to be broken, regardless of the trials and hardships that they faced, because they were supposed to conquer everything together. She knew that together, she could face anything with Wyatt, and they would come out stronger together.  

One year later, on their one year anniversary, however, Jacinda began to lose her faith in the man she married. Wyatt had been spending more time at the hospital, where he worked as a neurosurgeon. He wasn’t able to take off from work for their first anniversary, and instead opted for a phone call that morning to let her know.

“I’m sorry honey, you know that I would rather be there than here,” he said.

“Yeah, I know, you say that all the time, and yet you’re still there instead of here. I get that what you’re doing is incredibly important, but I need you here at home too.” She sighed, knowing that this conversation was going to lead to the same place that it always did. He would say that he wanted things to be different, and that he did want to be there more, and then he wouldn’t be. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep believing his words when his actions showed otherwise.

“I promise, I will be home tomorrow morning. I love you, Jacinda.”

“Okay, it’s fine. I love you too,” she replied curtly.

She had really wanted him to be home today, for it was the day she was ready to tell him about their life changing news. It would have been the perfect day, she thought. If only he could be here to rejoice with her about what she had discovered a few days ago. She had been waiting for just the right moment, and she thought that tonight at dinner would be the perfect time to tell him. When she had confirmed what she had started believing to be true, the happiness and joy that she felt was unmatched to any other happiness that she had felt before. Jacinda felt that this could be the reawakening that her marriage needed, because it would bring them closer again, and they would be able to take on this new chapter of life together. If only Wyatt understood how important today could have been. Right now, she could be telling him how she was pregnant, and they would start dancing around in the kitchen in pure delight like they used to. Knowing that this beautiful picture of what they could be wasn’t real anymore, she looked around the empty house and wished for nothing more than to not be alone.

        Wyatt walked through the door of his house early the next morning, feeling guilty for not being able to see Jacinda on their anniversary. He slid his shoes off, and entered their bedroom. Jacinda was still sound asleep, her chest slowly rising and falling with each breath. She looked so peaceful. Because he did not want to wake her, he decided to go get some breakfast. While he was eating, he thought about ways that he could make it up to her. Should he take her out for donuts after she got off work, as it was her favorite dessert? No, he told himself. He would let her decide what they would do today.

        He heard footsteps padding down the hall, and Jacinda appeared in the doorway, her arms crossed.

“Glad to see you finally made it home,” she commented sarcastically.

“I don’t want to fight about this. I wanted to be here, but I just couldn’t. We’ve been over this.”

She turned her back on him to pour a cup of coffee, and he could feel her rolling her eyes at his explanation. He resisted the urge to try to further explain himself, because he knew it would do no good. Instead of bringing more of yesterday into the present, he chose to change the subject.

“I made us eggs and biscuits,” Wyatt told Jacinda. He handed her the ketchup, because he knew how she preferred her eggs.  She turned around, and blanched at the sight. She rushed to the bathroom, and Wyatt heard her vomiting. He ran to the bathroom to check on her, but she had the door shut.

“Are you okay?” he questioned. The bathroom door opened, and Jacinda stood there, looking pitiful.

“Wyatt, this is what I wanted to tell you yesterday. This is why I wanted you home. I- I’m, I’m pregnant.”

Immediately, she felt her annoyance at him slip away, because this was the first time she had said this out loud. Saying it made it a reality, and she couldn’t be happier that this reality belonged to her. His face instantly broke into a wide grin, and his eyes started sparkling with tears.

“Oh my gosh! I’m gonna be a dad, and I’m getting the opportunity to be a parent with YOU! How far along are you?”

“I couldn’t be more than 7 weeks along,” Jacinda answered. She had already scheduled a doctor’s appointment for the next week.

“So next Saturday morning at 9 I have an appointment for an ultrasound and to meet with the doctor and discuss everything. Do you think you’ll be able to make it?” Wyatt looked at her, with such hope in her eyes, that he knew there was no way he could tell her he was scheduled to be on call that day.

“Yes, without a doubt, I’ll be there,” he lied.

She saw something flash in his eyes, and in that moment she knew exactly what was going on.

“You have to work, don’t you?”

After over a decade of being around him, she knew when he was lying. His nostrils flared and he couldn’t make eye contact.

“Well, yes, I’m supposed to go in at 7 on Saturday morning, but I’ll try to work the night shift instead.”  

Of course, Jacinda thought. Of course he would “try.” She would have her hopes up all week, and then on the day of he would call her from work, telling her that he was so sorry, that he couldn’t make it. That was always how it went, and she should know that by now.

Seven months later, things had actually gotten better between them. Wyatt started being more present for Jacinda, and he made it to nearly every appointment. As for Jacinda, she could not be happier with how things were going in her life. She had found out that she was going to be giving birth to a baby girl, and she was scheduled for a C-section in just a few hours. On the way to the hospital, Wyatt made sure to play her favorite songs in the car. He knew how important this day was for both of them, and how they were soon going to have a family of three. She was very anxious, but she knew that she could do this if Wyatt was by her side. When they arrived at the hospital, they were ushered into a room in the maternity wing by a nurse.

“We are going to make your stay as comfortable as possible. Are you excited?”

Jacinda turned towards the nurse and replied, “More than you could possibly imagine.”

Shortly after they made it to the hospital, Wyatt’s parents showed up. His mother, Karen, was the first to walk into the room, with her hair in a bun and pearls around her neck. His father, Steven, entered in behind her, nearly a foot taller and just as thin. He was wearing his golfing shorts, because he had been golfing when Wyatt interrupted him with the news of today’s big event. He did not look happy. His mother also wore a sour look on her face. She gave Jacinda, who sported a hospital gown, a once over, and rolled her eyes. Jacinda thought that it was best for her to just ignore her mother-in-law’s attitude for today. After all, this was supposed to be one of the happiest days of her life. Nothing could ruin that, right?

As the nurses rolled Jacinda into the operating room, she couldn’t help but notice her shaking hands. Wyatt strolled along beside the hospital bed in blue scrubs, looking happier than ever. When the bed finally stopped moving, one of the nurses with dark brown hair looked at Jacinda.

“We’re going to go ahead and give you the epidural so we can start the operation, we just need you to sign this form. Are you ready?”

She handed Jacinda the paper and a pen. Jacinda looked down at the form, more nervous than ever. She lowered the pen to the paper and, with unsteady hands, signed her name.

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose.”

The nurse retrieved a long, pointy needle from a nearby cart and walked over to Jacinda.

“I’m going to need you to turn on your side for a moment and I’m going to unbutton the top buttons on the back of your gown, okay.”

Jacinda followed suit, and soon after felt a pinching sensation on her spine. This feeling was like nothing that she had felt before.

She could feel the medicine trickling throughout the lower half of her body, her legs quickly going numb. After a couple of minutes, she felt no feeling below the middle of her torso. The main surgeon walked in, and the surgery began.

When Jacinda heard the doctors’ silence after about five minutes into her C-section, she immediately sensed that something was off. Then, she realized that she didn’t hear the crying of her baby girl. The room broke out into a commotion. Oh no, she thought. What could be wrong? Everything was just going so well. Her baby girl was fine. She had to be. She looked up and saw one of the doctor’s kind eyes peering into hers.

“Ma’am, I am so sorry. Your baby girl isn’t alive. We will do everything in our power to get her breathing, but I’m not sure that will do much good.”

Jacinda instantly went into panic mode. She couldn’t move, because her arms and legs were strapped to the table, but she caught a glimpse of Ivy. She was blue. She knew that she wanted to sit up, to see what exactly what happened, but she couldn’t. She felt so helpless. She looked up to see Wyatt, but he sank to the floor, head in his hands. All of a sudden, the door burst open. Wyatt’s mom came storming in, demanding to know why everyone in the room went into an uproar. When one of the nurses informed her of the baby’s condition, Karen turned on Jacinda, looking for someone to blame.

“How could you let this happen? This is all your fault, you know! Do you know what this will do to Wyatt?” She pointed at him, still on the floor sobbing. “His soul with be crushed, along with his dreams. Did you know that he called and talked to Steven and I every time that you went to an appointment? He felt so happy, and now, because of this, he is never going to be the same again. I never liked you, and I always knew that you would cause Wyatt nothing but pain!”

    The doctors already called for security and were trying to move her out of the room, but the gravity of her words settled deep with Jacinda. Maybe it was her fault. Maybe she did do something wrong. Maybe if she hadn’t forgotten to take her vitamins that one day. Would their baby still be alive? Would she be cradling her bundle of joy to her chest right at this moment, instead of feeling like everything inside her was rapidly dying and decaying? When Karen was forcefully escorted out of the room, the rest of the day went by in a blur. Jacinda just felt so numb, like she didn’t even deserve to feel the heartbreak, because this was all her fault. If there was nothing wrong with her, and if she did everything right, then Ivy would without a doubt be going home with them. Instead, they left the hospital empty handed and heavy hearted.

    The last few days in the hospital changed them both forever. Even though Jacinda was healing well physically, her mental state was in shards of glass on the floor. Wyatt turned completely numb. He adopted a stoic manner, his actions revealing nothing and his heart cold. On the drive home, Jacinda peeked at his face. His eyes were glassy and his face showed no sign of emotion. Wyatt thought that if he acted as though nothing had happened, nothing would happen. He was able to stop the heart wrenching sobs after a few hours, and after that he felt nothing. Nothing but pain and rage, not that he could show that to Jacinda. He didn’t want her to think that he was mad at her, even if he was. How can I be thinking this, he thought. These things happen sometimes. It had nothing to do with Jacinda. These were the facts, and maybe if he focused on those all of this would start to make sense. Deep down, he knew that it wasn’t that he was mad at Jacinda, he was just mad at the world and how having his baby girl die made NO SENSE AT ALL. It wasn’t like the world had anything to gain from taking his happiness from him, so why? Why him?

    Wyatt stole a glance at Jacinda, who was sitting in the passenger seat beside him. She was staring out the window, her face expressionless. Her unkempt hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and despite the lifeless look in her eyes, she still managed to look beautiful. Her knees were turned to the door, and her arms were crossed. She appeared to be in deep thought, or deep sadness. Probably both, Wyatt concluded. We’re in the same boat. He knew that he should talk to her about the situation, but talking about it would mean that it was real, and that it happened, and he just wasn’t ready to face that reality. The one where their Ivy was ripped from their arms far too soon. The one where they didn’t get to watch her grow up. The one where she never went to kindergarten, or any school, or made friends. The one where she never got to find a love like the one Wyatt and Jacinda shared. The one where he never got to walk her down the aisle, and hand her off to a worthy man. The one where she never got to have children of her own, for Wyatt was sure it was the most pure joy that anyone could ever have the luck to experience. Now all he felt was pure sadness.

    As they walked through the front door of their home, Jacinda realized just how difficult it was going to be to get back into the regular schedule of their lives. She knew that with school starting right around the corner, she probably wouldn’t be able to go back right away. As much as she wanted to be able to go to the school and teach English like any other year, this year would be too painful. Looking around her bedroom, she realized something. She would have to see the kids, all of those who survived past birth and childhood, and be reminded of her sweet Ivy, who did not. Oh gosh, she thought, her eyes welling up with tears for the millionth time today. She quickly turned away from Wyatt, who had began to unpack and was standing in front of their dresser. Wiping her eyes, she turned back. His back was still turned to her, but she could see his face in the mirror. He looked completely and utterly lost, and she felt the same.

“Wyatt, we should talk about the last few days.”

       “Actually, I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that tonight. I was going to go out.”

        “Go out? After everything that happened? Where would you even go?” She looked at him, astounded. “I think that this conversation takes priority over whatever last minute plans you made.”

    Wyatt turned to face her, and glared at her. As if talking about things would bring Ivy back. It wouldn’t change anything, and it certainly wouldn’t help him get over it. While he felt guilty for lying to her about already having plans, he was sure that he could find somewhere to go. Somewhere to forget about his pain. To forget about his reality that was now a complete living hell, and that he was living with the most painful reminder of Ivy’s death. Jacinda.

    Turning into the parking lot of the local bar, The Ugly Boar, Wyatt thought he was going mad. He had always told himself that he was never going to be “that guy” who goes to bars. But tonight, he thought, he deserved to forget it all. After the worst weekend of his life, he definitely deserved to let go. As he sat down at the bar, he thought about everything that had went wrong, and how fast everything went from joyful and magical to tragic and heartbreaking. No, he told himself, I don’t want to think right now. I can’t think. If I do, I will never be able to recover. I will never be the same.

    After Wyatt had left, she had ran to the nursery and destroyed the room, the same way that losing her Ivy had destroyed her. She had never felt such a sadness in her life, because she had never lost everything that she had to live for at once. LIfe had not given her any time to process what she was about to lose. It didn’t seem fair. Everything was supposed to be so different at this moment. She ripped the ABC poster from the wall and shredded it to pieces, all the while hysterically crying. All of the items that she had set on Ivy’s dresser before leaving, the baby powder, the bibs, the diapers, were slung off in one clean swipe of her arm. As the objects clattered to the floor, Jacinda stormed out of the room. She leaned against the wall in the hallway, and sunk to the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest. How is this fair? Why would life take away her happiness, her joy, and leave her with nothing? Not even Wyatt wanted to be there for her, wherever he was. Oh, how she longed for nothing more than for him to be here with her, and to be cradling her Ivy as he held them both endearingly. But that was not reality, she reminded herself, feeling her heart turn colder towards Wyatt at the thought.   

    She wondered where he was. Had he gone to his parents’ house, so they could talk about the death of Ivy? How it was all her fault? Or had he gone to the hospital, to bury himself in his work to distract himself from the reality of their life? Or even worse, had he gone out to find comfort in the arms of another? Jacinda felt as though she was being stabbed with a thousand knives in the stomach at that image. Her breath was momentarily stolen from her lungs. No, she told herself, that wouldn’t happen. That couldn’t happen. Regardless of the many problems that they had faced over the decade that they had been together, his faithfulness to her was unwavering, as was hers.

    However, this idea was now in her head, and she couldn’t help but wonder if all those times that he had to stay late for work were really about work. Had he met someone else there and wanted to spend more time with her? What if this was why his promises always went unfilled, because he had somebody else? Though she tried to push these ideas out of her head, she felt what little confidence she had left in their relationship waning.

    Wyatt had now been at the bar for an hour, but he couldn’t bring himself to have a drink. After seeing his father as a drunk as a child, he had always told himself that he wouldn’t ever take it that far and go down that path. Though his father had been sober for nearly twenty years, he knew how negatively it had affected his parents’ marriage, especially when he was in middle school. His father had cheated on his mother, and his mom hadn’t been the same since. She used to be so happy and carefree, but after she found out about his father’s affair with one of his coworkers, she had never been the same. Now, she tried to portray the image that she was in a picture perfect marriage, and that they were so happy. She even made sure that they had yearly portraits made, hanging a new one above their fireplace every Christmas. Wyatt knew that their marriage was a loveless one, so he had always strived for his to be the exact opposite, but then his work had gotten in the way.

    Suddenly, Wyatt got the urge to leave. Nothing good would come to him, or to his marriage, if he stayed here. He was not going to end up in the same boat as his mother and father, because he felt that there was still something to fight for. Without a doubt, he knew that divorce was not going to be an option for him, nor was staying in a loveless marriage. Wyatt knew now that he should have never stopped trying to prove to Jacinda that he loved her, and that he should have never let his career get in the way of something that was much more important. He should be at home, with Jacinda, talking and crying and grieving so that they could move forward together. He briskly walked out of the bar, opened his car door, and sped out of the parking lot.

     Jacinda stood on the balcony overlooking their backyard. She had never felt more alone. Every reason that she had to live had left. Wyatt had left her to go God knows where, and it had been over an hour and he wasn’t back. It was clear to her that because of Ivy’s death they were going to grow further apart rather than closer together. If tonight was any indication, Wyatt was going to be spending even less time at home and constantly making excuses to avoid having the dreaded conversation with her. Ivy was actually the one chance she had at saving their relationship, because without her in their lives, things would go right back to the way they were. He would never make time for her, and he would continue to break all of his promises. With Ivy, she knew that would’ve been different, because it had been different for her entire pregnancy. Without that, though, she knew life would be the same as it was before Ivy, and she didn’t know if she would be able to do that again. Jacinda quickly realized that what she needed to do. She was so tired of the broken promises, and the empty words without any meaning behind them. She also felt that she didn’t need the constant reminder of the future she could’ve had with Ivy and Wyatt thrown in her face, because living with him would’ve been too painful.

    She peeked over the balcony again, the drop seeming more intimidating than ever. It must’ve been at least twenty, maybe even thirty feet from the edge to their concrete patio. Her breathing quickened, and her palms began to sweat.

All of a sudden, she had a flashback to when she was a child. It was a warm summer night, and she was dressed in denim shorts and a red and white striped T-shirt. Her hair was done in pigtails, but after recess that day it had started to come down in pieces around her face. She had snuck into her parents’ room so that she could look over their balcony; every time that she gazed over their backyard, she felt like a princess, who would one day rule the land. The balcony doors were open when she walked in, so she sprinted to the ledge. After only a moment of peering at the vast landscape behind their house, she heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs.

Her father appeared in the doorway, in a black button up shirt and jeans. He immediately rushed to her side, seeing that she was leaning on the balcony railing. He spun her around and pulled her away from the ledge, a look of great worry and concern on his face, with ocean eyes that matched hers.

    “Jacinda, your mom and I told you not to go near the balcony without one of us. You could have gotten seriously hurt, or worse. Please, don’t do this again,” he begged.

    Sucked back into the present moment, Jacinda thought about her father’s words. Here she was, about to go against his warnings, and with much different intentions than those that she had at five years old. She wondered if he would even miss her. Ever since her mom had died, he had spent most of his time holed up in his house, rarely going out. In fact, Jacinda realized, she could probably count the number of times that she had spoken to him since her mom’s death on one hand. No, he wouldn’t care, she concluded.

    Then there was Wyatt. He was still out, probably with someone else, and he had left. He had lied to her, broken promises, and in general did not treat her like she was his wife. Ever since they had gotten married, he had stopped making her feel like she was the one for him. He did nothing but make her feel like she was someone, rather than the one.

    If Ivy were here, she would have a reason to live. However, she was not, and it was all her fault. Jacinda undid the lock on the balcony railing, pushed it open, and jumped.  As soon as she had done it, she knew that it was a mistake. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. The wind was rushing through her hair, and the ground was coming closer with each passing millisecond, but all Jacinda could think about was Wyatt.

    Every dinner that they had ever went to, every movie date that they ever had, ran through her head. The night that Wyatt proposed flashed before her eyes, more vividly than the rest. They were at an outdoor restaurant on the beach, and the sun was just starting to set. The sky was a mix of pink and blue hues, and there was an indie band playing at the front. On each table was a single rose in a clear vase. There were golden lights strung up along the wooden bar. Wyatt led her to their seats, and pulled out a chair for her. He had looked extra astonishing that night, with his hair styled and his midnight blue shirt fitting him just so. He had insisted that they had color coordinating outfits, so she was wearing a dark blue lace dress with black sandals. After they had eaten their food--chicken tenders and fries for both of them--Wyatt suddenly stood up.

    “Um, Wyatt, are you okay honey?

    Instead of responding, he walked to the front of the room, where the band had abruptly stopped playing. The singer handed the microphone over to Wyatt, who turned to face the crowd. He looked nervous, and even from her seat, Jacinda could see his hands trembling.

    “Jacinda,” Wyatt began, “I just want you to know how much you mean to me. I never thought that I could love someone, after I saw what my parents went through. I never thought I could let myself be that vulnerable. But with you, it just came naturally. At first, I thought that you were just my best friend. But then, there was that one night freshman year of college, when you were deathly ill with the flu or something, and I came over to bring you some soup. Now we’ve got to keep in mind that I’m a huge germaphobe, so I guess me being there was a grand gesture within itself. I just remember sitting next to you, and wishing that I were the one who was sick instead of you. I think that’s when I knew for sure that I loved you.”

    Wyatt paused, and Jacinda pushed herself up from her chair. Maintaining eye contact the whole time, she moved to the front of the room, and finally joined him onstage.

    “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’ve loved you for a long time. At times, it was one of the most difficult choices I’ve had to make, but it was always worth it. You’re my light when life is dark and dreary and terrible. I love everything about you. The way that you walk so confidently into a room like you own it. The cute way that your eyes crinkle up when you smile. Your intelligence. Your sense of humor. How freely you love others. You’re always worth it. You mean everything to me, and more, and I would love it if you gave me the chance to prove it to you for the rest of my life, forever and always.”

    At this, Wyatt reached into his back pocket, and pulled out a blue velvet box. He bent down on his left knee, and opened the box, revealing a shiny silver ring with a magnificent diamond, gleaming in the light. He peered up at her hopefully through his long lashes, his smile showing his perfect set of teeth.

    “Will you marry me?”

Mere meters from the ground now, Jacinda saw no way out of her situation. Out of the blue, she saw a blur and felt the wind knocked out of her lungs. Her elbows and knees scraped the concrete, but something had wrapped around her, protecting her from certain death. No, not something. Someone.

    Jacinda pushed herself up from the ground and propped herself up on her elbows. Quickly taking in her surroundings, she noticed that the someone who saved her was Wyatt. Then she noticed the pool of blood that was rapidly flowing from his head.

    “Wyatt!” she cried out, reaching for his head and cupping his face in her hands. He opened his eyes, and looked up at her.

    “Jacinda,” his voice cracked, “I just want you to know that I love you. Please, I’m so sorry for not being there for you.”

    “You saved me just in time, please stay alive.” She reached for her phone in her robe pocket, but Wyatt stopped her.

    “No, it’s no use, I’ll die before they get here. I need you to know something. Your life is worth too much to throw away, especially over me. I want you to know that Ivy dying was not your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s. It was just life’s cruel way of being life.”

    At this, Jacinda started bawling.

    “Wyatt, stop. I’m so sorry. Please, just stay with me. I love you. I need you here. Please, please, please,” she pleaded. Tears fell from her cheeks and onto Wyatt’s jacket.

    “I love you too Jacinda, forever and always.”

    Wyatt’s eyes closed, and Jacinda looked to the sky, her face tear streaked and red.

    “There! Are you happy now? I have nothing. You win!”

    She turned back to Wyatt and continued sobbing.