Razed Expectations | Teen Ink

Razed Expectations

December 24, 2009
By Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments

Wisps of smoke danced into the wintry air from my lips, creating ornate designs that could never be replicated. I carefully tilted the corners of my lips into a smile that I meant to be wry. Of course, it's difficult to articulate emotions that I can't feel, but I find that irony is relatively simple to demonstrate. I inhaled the toxic vapors of the cigarette casually. Its sinister, black cancer couldn't cripple a seventeen-year-old boy with no lungs, let alone a heart.
I glanced in the direction of the horizon, and flinched. The sun was dying flamboyantly, casting its radiant colors across the sky. Its last waves of light caressed my cold, pale skin. I wanted to snarl rebelliously as I felt its warmth slide against me deviously.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
My muscles went rigid, and I had to focus madly on controlling my shaking hands. I would know that voice, that beautiful, disastrous voice, in the realms beyond that of Earth. I grated my teeth, reeling in the disturbing sensations that she unknowingly always aroused in me.
I cocked my body towards her arrogantly, and lifted my mouth into a crooked crescent moon. I felt my eyes flashing, but I worked vehemently to fixate an arctic, hard tone into the dark of my indigo irises.
“I find the sunset lifeless and meaningless, actually,” I countered flatly, and a beat too late.
She laughed merrily, and I struggled within myself as my mind and body became entranced by the beautiful movement of her laughter as the colors of the sun played about her.
“You amuse me, Darian. How can you have such a pessimistic view of the world? The sun will not be lifeless until it disappears beneath the horizon, and the night falls. It’ll rise tomorrow, though,” she said.
I dared not think of her name. I hated the way my soul-if I had a soul-thrilled when her voice lingered over my name. It reminded me of music. I had to close my mind defiantly as I thought of music. I wanted nothing that resembled passion.
“That’s an inane notion that foolish women entertain. You want poetry, and ridiculous vows of forever. You aren’t difficult to read. If you want that sunset to mean something, then you want unrequited love. It doesn’t work like that,” I growled unmercifully, angry at her for unleashing the flood of feelings upon me.
Her lovely green eyes shifted into hard emeralds.
“What do you know about me, Dare? And what’s so wrong with having dreams? And why are you talking to me like that? I was simply commenting on the sunset.” She tossed her red curls, clearly miffed.
I lifted my chin, and blew smoke in her face. It was easier on me when she was angry. I don’t know why she bothered with me. Why she was brave enough to confront me. Why she didn’t follow the laws of the superficial high school we both attended. Why she didn’t stay away from me, like everyone else.
“You’ll die from that smoking, Darian.” She glared at me. We’d had this argument a lot. I lifted my eyebrows, and turned away from her, signaling that the conversation was over.
She didn’t obey, and I sighed.
“You know, Dare, you could let yourself feel. You could understand it.” Her voice was soft, a whisper in the darkening air. She was air. My air.
I reviled the potency of the emotions I could feel pulsing through me. I ran a hand through my black hair nervously, my body skidding with strange, unfamiliar energy. I didn’t want to answer her. Why didn’t she leave?
I made a fatal mistake when I looked at her. Every nerve inside of me screamed, as though my body and internal organs were recharging hurriedly in the rare moment of my awakening.
I think I felt my heart beat hesitantly.
My voice seemed like that of a stranger. It had a rich, deep tone to it. It had color.
“Understand what?”
Something in my expression changed the way she was looking at me. It may have mirrored the arrangement of my own features. She became vulnerable in that instant.
“Kiss me.” She whispered brokenly.
Surprise jolted keenly through me. God, I wished I was numb again. Everything felt electric-too intense and too vivid. Emotions scattered across my being, a mutinous invasion of the raging war against myself. I was defenseless and an easy prey to her request. I breathed jaggedly, and there was a husky vibe to it. Want. I recognized it more clearly as it bloomed vibrantly through me.
And she was waiting. For me.
I destroyed the walls I had so warily built as I leaned towards her. She lifted a creamy hand and laid it tenderly against my cheek, the expectation making her bold. I moaned, and closed my eyes. My own hands loosened, and reached for her face greedily
Something hot-burning-ignited against my skin. I wrenched myself away, dazed by the unpleasant sensation. Had a spark traveled through our bodies? That’s when I noticed the cigarette kindling like a faint ember beside my marred hand. It had burnt me. The throbbing pain brought a wave of consciousness through me. Reality. And I stared at her face, inches from mine, and something clicked inside of me. Gears that began humming smoothly, like a tuned clock. I pulled back, and tossed her hand away like it stung. I grimaced as the vitals within me slowly resumed their state of nothingness, and shook my head to clear it of its nonsensical ideas.
She watched the change take possession of me, and tears began to collect in her eyes.
I found that I could care less.
I grinned at her, and mocked, “I taste of cigarettes, Clara.”
She got up shockingly to her feet, and backed away as if understanding for the first time what I was. Tears stained her nondescript face.
I smiled, that careful replication of a smile, and said acidly, “Did I humor your silly fantasies well?”
Her face crumpled entirely, and she pivoted away and ran sobbing from my scathing ridicule.
The sun died, and all was dark.

The author's comments:
Reality sings truthfully against the generic lyrics of fantasy. What does your soul and heart sing of?

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This article has 206 comments.

Endearing said...
on Mar. 15 2010 at 4:31 pm
Ah, it would ruin the fun! But the depth and the passion of the words...it's impossible to imagine!

AquaGem SILVER said...
on Mar. 10 2010 at 5:25 pm
AquaGem SILVER, Kalamazoo, Michigan
5 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger

Life it too short to let you matter.

Very sweet of you to say! There are not words to express how much comments like this mean to me :)

on Mar. 10 2010 at 5:23 pm
KiraKira PLATINUM, Cardiff By The Sea, California
35 articles 0 photos 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and above all, pity those who live without love -Albus Dumbledore


on Mar. 10 2010 at 5:02 pm
JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
1 article 0 photos 31 comments
more.more.more i need more! This is amazing! Probably the best thing i've read in this site before (i've read a LOT of things!)

Keep on writing, you have so much talent, i really hope you use it!

Good luck

Escribo said...
on Mar. 10 2010 at 3:28 pm
Escribo, West Linn, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I never thought a teen could write like this. This deffinately makes it to the list of the best writing I've read. And I've read a lot.

JeanGrey GOLD said...
on Mar. 9 2010 at 11:18 am
JeanGrey GOLD, Mason City, Iowa
10 articles 0 photos 258 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."-Oscar Wilde

Wow. Amazing. Now what would be sad is if you had all this great talent, yet you were shallow...i hope your not....it would ruin the fun...

Seen said...
on Mar. 8 2010 at 8:09 pm
I can see it from that perspective. It is a moment, and a breath of a story. I wish I could write like that too. Capture that.

Feels said...
on Mar. 8 2010 at 8:07 pm
Simply beautiful, and it is powerful - it makes you feel.

O'Shea said...
on Mar. 8 2010 at 8:06 pm
This beautiful story reminds me of my heartbreak, too. I understood the sweet, bitter tenor of the story. It really is a work of emotional art.

Wow! said...
on Mar. 8 2010 at 8:05 pm
Your the author of "Opulence"! If you like this, it must be good. You write awesome.

Rose said...
on Mar. 8 2010 at 8:03 pm
Oh. My. God. I seriously did not think you could do it twice. It's brilliant. You need to ease up on the details and descriptions, but the ideas are cool. Good, really good.

Whoa! said...
on Mar. 8 2010 at 8:00 pm
Don't listen to fools like that! You are too talented to be sickened of! Good luck Demon!

on Mar. 8 2010 at 7:58 pm
I'm a bit scared to post it publicly, especially when II have you for competition! But thanks!

Pink Floyd said...
on Mar. 8 2010 at 7:56 pm
I thought you should know, with a talent as riveting as yours, should know that you could have a chance of being published. Visit Ink Pop for young writers' work. It really helped me picture the kind of audience we're writing for. I think dark, emotional, and beautifully complicated, artistic souls would love your writing. I never expected to see work like yours on a Teen site.

Actor said...
on Mar. 8 2010 at 7:53 pm
I'd like to see this kind of moment in film. I like it. Inspires thought.

Glint said...
on Mar. 8 2010 at 7:51 pm
Ah, but the expectation has been met. You write beautifully - I nearly cannot believe you are a teen writer!

on Mar. 8 2010 at 7:49 pm
I disagree. I think the author meant to capture that rare moment, and portray it in a realistic way. A sharp edge. The story isn't a story, but rather emotional victory. I think.

on Mar. 5 2010 at 2:33 pm
BrittneyCloud SILVER, Albuquerque, New Mexico
7 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Dont tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon!"

i agree with A.C. You have a powerful way with words! The discription is awesome. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!

A. C. said...
on Feb. 28 2010 at 3:12 pm
A. C., La Mesa, California
0 articles 0 photos 6 comments
Wow... talk about the power of words. That was amazing! Truly an amazing piece. Keep writing!

on Feb. 19 2010 at 4:46 pm
ClockworkLightbulb SILVER, Nottingham, Other
8 articles 5 photos 36 comments
Reminds me of my ex boyfriend. ¬¬ xD This was amazing writing, and I really liked the main character. Great work.(: