I didn’t know why I was there. I didn’t know why I was coming back for more. I didn’t know why. I didn’t know anything. I just didn’t know. But somehow I knew I was going to get hurt. I knew I was going to plunder and drop. I knew that my heart would crack and sink to the floor. But how could I resist? He wasn’t what I needed he wasn’t what was good for me. He was like a drug. A personal addiction I myself could not break. He would have to break it for me, but he wasn’t strong enough either. I tried to get sober but it tore me down each time. It hurt to be away from him. There was a rip that made my heart almost vulnerable. But how could I resist? Every breath he imprinted on my neck, his rare but cordial laugh that was so pure in his throat, his crooked but glorious smile every time he picked and fought his battles, his strong arms wrapped around me tightly as a Heaven’s Haven.

I was trouble. Inside and out. She was the most flawless, most beautiful, most caring girl. Bottom-line…she was amazing. The other thing, I should have nothing to do with her. We came from separate worlds. I was looking to settle in she was looking to break out. She wanted to be her own person. Something I had already done. I just wanted to be normal. A real family, a real life, a real love. She wanted to be her own she wanted to live on cloud-9, wanted real love. And that was about the only thing we had in common. When we got each other, that one thing kept us real. When I had my frantic doubts she held my face and told me what I needed…well more like wanted to hear. She gave me life. But the horrible thing was that I couldn’t give back. I was hurting her more than I was hurting myself. So when I just needed to sleep at night, when I needed air, when we were alone or unified, when we were healthy or not, I would think of my Heaven’s Haven and everything would be alright.