A Fickle Thing | TeenInk

A Fickle Thing

April 5, 2010
By DreamWriter17 PLATINUM, Marengo, Indiana
DreamWriter17 PLATINUM, Marengo, Indiana
34 articles 1 photo 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
learn from your past to live for the future.


The door opens. You sit in the lavish insides of the room, surrounded by computers full of graphs and maps and figures: your companions. Your expensively clad feet are propped up on the dashboard, one over the other, and you are leaning back in the chair, appearing comfortable. I know different. I know you made a mistake. I know you'll try to hide your composure from me, but I'll see through it, anyway.
Moving forward silently, I come to stand behind your chair. You are playing with you knife again, twirling it like a baton in the air before catching it deftly between your fingers. It used to intimidate me. Now it only made me feel contempt. I let my hands fall softly, coming to rest on your shoulders, messaging slowly. Your muscles tense, then relax. You know who it is.
"You need to sleep."
You snort. "Nonesense. Sleep is for the dead."
"You will be dead in due time," I retorted, moving my hands away, trying to ignore their shaking. I stepped to the table containing your special drink and pour you a glass of amber liquid. I hand it to you, then pour myself one. You do not even look at me, but set the glass squarely in your hand, glaring at it as if it were the cause of all your problems. Taking advantage of the distraction, I threw my glass back into my throat, swallowing quickly, before pouring another.
"You know that the effects of this drink only last until morning, my dear," you point out. I grit my teeth. You'd seen me. "It doesn't matter how much you take, your headache will only be greater."
I turn around to face you, hands on hips. "And yet you always have a bottle of it somewhere near your whereabouts." I try to keep my lips from trembling, which they do whenever you call me "my dear."
Grinning, you finally grace me with your attention, looking into my rebellious face. "But of course, my dear. How else would I keep sane? That little bottle of gold keeps me from falling to the monsters of insanity which plague my brain every night I do not sleep."
I fight the twist of guilt in my gut at your words, turning to hide my warring features. I curse my translucent face. You never affected me this way before, yet now, your very word made my knees tremble, my heart ache. I did not want to continue these evening visits, yet this new feeling would not let me stay away.
"Hypocrite," I whisper.
I hear you move, get to your feet. I can sense your every motion, and my heart quickens as you draw near. You tailored arms wrap around my shoulders; manicured hands seize mine. The musk of your aftershave overwhelms my senses as you lean down, your lips brushing my ear as you speak.
"Indeed I am, my dear. A hypocrite, a traitor, a villain, an emperor. With your help I have taken over the world. With you at my side, we shall shape the earth's destruction. You can not be these things without being who I am, and I know you will agree with me."
I shudder under your touch. This had not happened before; you had never shown the kind of interest in me my heart had nailed into you. Why now, when I was so close to deciding? Why do you taunt me?
"You will fall with the world's destruction, Abraham." My voice is a barely audible rasp.
Your tenor chuckle vibrates through my being as your arms tightened around my frail body. "This I have known, my dear, ever since I begot this nightmare. I simply choose not to enlighten on the impending, as you should not." Your lips move from my ear to my jawbone, and I close my eyes, fighting back a groan. "It is not good for the health."
My mind did not process your dark words as they should have; all I was aware of was the way your body was close to mine--VERY aware. This was what I had wished for so many times before, what I had help myself from indulging in, because I knew it could never be. Now to have you give me what I had thought only I could take....it overwhelmed my senses. Could it be...?
Your perfect fingers were running over the soft skin of my upper arms, sliding down again to grasp my own shaking fingers. As your lips travelled down my exposed shoulder blades, I moved in slow response, lacing my finger through his and turning to face you. Your frozen crystal eyes bore into mine, something unreadable, yet excitedly wild, stirring my heart strings. The dim lighting only accentuated your coal black curls, hiding the gray that had created the rift between us. You seemed half your real age as you grasped my shoulders and drew me closer, a strangled moan escaping your lips. I was still scared, still holding back, so used to being spurned by your granite behaviour. What was happening had to be some kind of morbid dream; I would wake up soon, alone. But no, your whisper of my name and your mouth coming down on mine created emotions too real to be imaginary. With that final token, I gave myself fully to you, wrapping my arms around your neck, swirling my fingers through your velvet-soft hair. I gasp for air, but do not want to come up for it, afraid this will not return. Tears come to my eyes as I drown in the pure ecstasy of being in your arms at last...
Your chuckle breaks the moment. As you pull away, I play the sound back in my mind; cold freezes my nerves. No...
"So I was right, my little queen," you rasp, breathless as I, yet the contempt and smugness in your voice was nothing like what had just happened. "You do, in fact, have...feelings for me. I had thought so."
Something in your voice caused me to back away, shaking my head. This could not be happening...you could not be so cruel.
"It is quite amusing, you know," you continue, sitting back down with your glass of whiskey, "because now I know that you will never betray me, as your prior plans were, no doubt."
I jerked. My hand reached into my pocket to grasp the silver knife I always carried into this room. How had you known?
"Ah, love is a fickle thing, no?" You sip your drink. "I am forever safe from you, as your heart is mine."
"You mean....you didn't mean it?" I choked out passed my tear-clogged treacherous throat. "It was just--"
"Just a simple test, my dear," you confirm smoothly, "just to make sure that you would not be of any...inconvenience to my plans. You may go."
At your dismissive words, I feel a white hot anger deep within me, pushing back what I had thought was alive only moments before. Stepping behind your chair, I rip the knife from my pocket, advancing for your exposed neck. Now was the time, what I had planned ever since he had accepted me as his counterpart. Now was the time I avenged all the merciless murders we had committed together. Now was the time I rid myself once and for all of your lying love. That one kiss would be your undoing.
"You can't do it," you say calmly just as I bring the knife to your jawbone. "You have too much heart, despite all of your beautifully wicked ways."
My fingers trembled with rage, and I screamed at them to do their work, to end your life. But they would not obey me. Tears leaked from my traitorous eyes, falling onto my tremerous fingers. I was crying because I knew you were right. My twisted heart would not allow me to do what we both knew would save us a lot of trouble.
"It doesn't matter if I cannot do it now," I hissed, amazed at how level my voice sounded, "you will meet your death one way or another, if not by my hand, then by your own. We strive for the fortunes of the world under our control, and that includes our own. If we succeed, humankind's destruction will be off of your hands, as will your own."
"I know this. It is why I began in the first place. You see, my dear, the one thing every man fears is death. If he does not, then he has no life. This mortal fear of what will happen no matter what we do is what drives my actions, and I have worked to be rid of it. For all my fancy words, I am still afraid. However, once I have control over the fortunes of who dies and who lives, I have control over my own life, so that if I die, I die by my hand, with no fear of a sudden end, and an everlasting death."
Your words frighten me, as I had never known you to be scared of anything. I had known of your "philosophy" about death, but never the source. Suddenly your granite life seemed void of foundation. I moved the knife an inch away from you, then come to the realization: if you needed to have control of your life in order to be unafraid, then the most frightening thing for you would be someone with your life in their hands. I held your life by a mere inch, now. I saw now that your fists were clenched, shaking the liquid in your half-empty glass. The realization did not give me satisfaction, as I had anticipated. Instead it gave me a sick, sordid feeling of inhumanness. If I took your life, I would become the monster I had worked so hard to keep my heart away from. It was too late for that, now. You know now. So it really should not have mattered one way or the other; you were a monster, and I had the power to slay you.
The silver knife slipped away from your neck, laying bare my heart as it did.
"If that is all you desire--" I stumbled over the word which had meant something so much more different minutes before "--then I will not take it from you. For all that I love you, I'm wise enough to know that when you do get what you want, you will not be satisfied. As the monster you are, you will realize what a mistake you've made of your life. Of...me. I will not take that away from you, because it is what you deserve. In fact, I shall stay with you to make sure it is achieved, so that in the end, when your life is proved pointless, and the whole world is at your feet, and your greedy heart yearns for that which you cannot obtain, I want to be there. I want to bask in your pain and anger. I want to watch the fruits of your labor wither and die around you as the nations of the earth curse your name, and mine with it. You will wish, then, that you had loved me. You will wish, then, that you had heeded the words you know are true, the words that could save your life."
I threw the knife into the bottle of whiskey, causing shards of diamond and liquid amber to explode across the computer consoles. They glowed in the near darkness. I turned and headed for the door, strangely calm.
"You realize, Ariah, that if all that you have prophesied comes to pass, that you, too, shall die with me." Your voice was as level as before, but I detected a tremor in it that I had never heard come from you. "You cannot escape death, either, no matter how well you claim to know life."
I smile at you as I opened the door to leave. "I do not fear death, Abraham. You have shown me that life is pointless, took the only thing that I believed worth while. I have achieved what you will die never grasping, thanks to you. The only thing I want now is to have your own world crumple around you, as you have made mine."
"Ariah..." your choked voice made me pause before shutting the door behind me. I can barely hear your voice as you say, "Hold of death is no the only thing I want. I wanted you...too."
I bit my tongue to keep from screaming as I closed the door, hiding your words so that they would not betray my heart once again. I knew that I had left a part of myself in that room; a part that I would never get back. I nearly laughed as I headed toward my own quarters, because I felt strangely happy. I now know what it feels like to be you, to have everything you ever wanted, and yet have the one thing you actually need slip from your grasp. It made me feel both closer, and farther away from you than ever. It also filled me with relief. Sickly-sweet tendrils of insanity creep into my mind as I enter my own quarters and pour myself a glass of whiskey.
Love was a fickle thing. In one sitting, it had built up and torn my heart down. Yet it also gave me immunity over my life as nothing else would ever do. Tonight was not the last. I smiled at the prospect of the future as I slipped into mindless madness.


The author's comments:
This idea was inspired by the idea a friend gave me, and the deviously creepy intelligence of my three-year-old sister, who will take over the world when she grows up. I know its a little dark, but...it was a good idea.

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This article has 9 comments.


on May. 5 2010 at 10:27 am
DreamWriter17 PLATINUM, Marengo, Indiana
34 articles 1 photo 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
learn from your past to live for the future.

I understand about the endings.  I have tried writting several stories before and added people to get the main character where I want them, but to make it realistic, I had to think up an entire background and future of this side character, because in real life, everyone has a life, and for a realistic story, characters need life to.  It's your decision how much life you give them, and a lot of characters don't have much life at all, but in contrast with your main character, Rex seemed like a little bit more than a foil, but you made no reference to him in the end, making him seem like a passing acquaintence of no real value and not really worth remembering, and since it was his fault the story happened in the first place, this is not the case.

...hehe, sorry for rambling, but i hope you got something out of it.  My best friend is writting a book and asked me to edit it and the pages are COVERED in editations.   ...he hasn't gotten back to me on that.

I thought it was awesome when my mom told me that no one is completely happy without God, and a little sad.  Because I realized it was true, but I also realized that in order to fill the hole only He can fill, people do the most heneus of things and bask in the sick coating of BADness it ensues.  It's a sad, sad world where children watch things like Family Guy to ease their minds from daily trials and tribulations...


on May. 4 2010 at 11:25 pm
christianjedi, Roundup, Montana
0 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir your blood.

Thanks for comments; I appreciate it.  Hehe, I always have difficulties with endings.  As for Rex...hmm, I always thought of him as just a foil to get Trevor where I needed him.

I don't have much work on Teen Ink.  I'm a little hesitant to post articles because then I can't really submit them to other publications.  Maybe when I get some free time this summer I can write some stories specifically for Teen Ink.

I agree with your thoughts on the verse.  When we delight in God, He ignites within our hearts desires that match His will.  Just because we are servants doesn't mean our dreams can't true.  Instead, our dreams can come true because we have a God with whom nothing is impossible.

If you're interested in the "desire" topic, I would suggest reading Dare to Desire by John Eldredge.  It's excellent, as are his other books that I've read.  Epic is incredible from a writer's point of view.


on May. 4 2010 at 11:09 pm
christianjedi, Roundup, Montana
0 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir your blood.

Thanks for the comments; I appreciate it.  Hehe, I always have a hard time with the endings.  I guess I'd never thought about Rex...he was just a foil to get Trevor where I wanted him.

Sorry, not much else on Teen Ink.  I'm hesitant about posting anything because if I do, I can't submit it for actual publication elsewhere.  Maybe this summer, when I get some free time, I'll do a few stories specifically for teen ink.

I agree with your thoughts on the verse.  We might want a lot of things, but when we delight in God, He will ignite within our hearts desires that are truly wonderful...and that He will bring to fulfillment.  Our dreams aren't crushed because we are obedient Christian servants; instead they made possible because nothing is impossible for the God we serve.

If you are interested in the "desire" topic, I would suggest reading Dare to Desire by John Eldredge.  It's excellent...actually, I enjoy all of his work.  :)


on May. 2 2010 at 8:22 pm
DreamWriter17 PLATINUM, Marengo, Indiana
34 articles 1 photo 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
learn from your past to live for the future.

I read it, and commented.  I liked it...but it was too realistic to like like people like fantasy stories, and that's a compliment.  Again, a breath of fresh air from all the liberal suicidal romantics out there writing just so they can have their work praised when it's lacking in everything that makes good writing!  You had everything, albeit a little too-swift ending (aka, what happened with Rex?).  I'm going to look and see if you have other work and comment on it, too, though I don't know why I haven't before now.

I HAVE heard that verse, and I love it's frank truth, because it is true.  Me and my mom had a whole discussion over how one cannot be truly happy unless he/she has God.  I think that some people may think that they may have desires that may not be truly godly, and they interpret that as saying that you can do whatever you like as long as you apease the Lord.  I think it means that if you delight yourself in the Lord, you will FIND the desires of your heart, what you truly want, as the Lord has planned it for you.  ...sorry for rambling, I kinda do, but it just amazes me the small discussion universe compacted in each verse.


on May. 2 2010 at 6:01 pm
christianjedi, Roundup, Montana
0 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir your blood.

Umm, yeah, I can post it.  Because it is a dark tale though, I don't really want to submit it, so it will be on the writing forum under short stories.  It's called "Breaking Night."

Hebrews 11: 1 is a beautiful verse.  I really like that one.  One of my favorites that God seems to keep showing me this year is Psalm 37:4.  Actually that whole chapter is amazing, but that verse reminds me to keep reaching for my dreams.


on May. 2 2010 at 5:43 pm
DreamWriter17 PLATINUM, Marengo, Indiana
34 articles 1 photo 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
learn from your past to live for the future.

Haha, that's totally alright, it's not the first time I've been told I write too darkly...only the people that tell me usually mean it as a compliment...which I guess is not a good thing, so thank you for a breath of fresh air.  It just seems like writing sad stories with deeper meanings comes easier to me, as you might have seen in my poems, if you read them...which I think you read one...and if you put this story you wrote on TeenInk, I would very much like to read it, if it's alright with you.

"My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer."  (Psalm 45:1)  I've never had this particular verse brought to mind, but I can see why you love it, because I love it too!  Though my favorite's Hebrews 11:1...it just sounds like a poem to me, somehow.


on May. 1 2010 at 3:51 pm
christianjedi, Roundup, Montana
0 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir your blood.

I'm sorry for the guiltrip, DreamWriter.  I can sympathize though.  I wrote a fairly "dark" story last year (a boy makes an unwise decision and ends up having to put his horse down as the consequence) that, while it got the point across extremely powerfully, wasn't the most uplifting read.  My mom and sister really critiqued me about that, so I guess I'm a little more careful now.  You really do have talent.  I will look forward to reading your "lighter" stories.  Psalm 45: 1 - one of my favorite writing incentives.  :)

on Apr. 29 2010 at 10:48 am
DreamWriter17 PLATINUM, Marengo, Indiana
34 articles 1 photo 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
learn from your past to live for the future.

Thank you, christianjedi.  Yeah, it is dark, but I wrote it on a whim while talking to one of my friends about how he was going to take over the world and...unfoutunately I can't write a sequal because the end of the story is the girl (who is in fact my three-year-old sister) does kill him, but then ends up killing herself....yeah, dark.  You make me feel guilty that I have not, in fact, said anything about the light of Christ because He is essential to any happiness.  This is a fictional story, though I know that gives not excuse.  I intend to write another story of a much lighter atmosphere.  Till then, thank you for your comments!

on Apr. 23 2010 at 11:15 pm
christianjedi, Roundup, Montana
0 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir your blood.

Wow.  Umm, I'm not sure what to say about this one.  It is extremely well-written...very intriguing.  But you're right, it's rather dark.  It shows nothing of the light of Christ...the hope and purpose that He offers through life.  I would encourage you to write a sequel...something that maybe shows a change of heart?  You do well portraying how Abraham knows that he is wrong.  But has he reached that decision in time?  All in all, it is a very well-done story.  And a few messages are poignant...grasping for complete does not bring satisfaction...beware of love until you know it is real.  Well done.