I woke up at some point, my dress was wrinkled and completely messed up, my underwear was across the floor somewhere, my head was throbbing and I was throwing up everywhere. The good thing was, I must have had an inner time clock that woke me up before one. The bad thing was, I couldn’t find Joel. Oh well, he’d find me come school on Monday, I was sure of it. I grabbed my underwear, and walked out, stiffly. My hair was a mess, and so was I. I walked out, and then Melanie, Joel’s ex confronted me. “What are you doing here?” she asked, sneering.
I shrugged, “I’m leaving,” I had said, with a newfound confidence after having slept with her ex. That made me better than her, right?
She stared at me as I left, and then I drove home, making it there just in time. My parents had already gone to bed, so I tiptoed to the bathroom and took a shower.
The next few days were boring, not so much as a single word from my parents about that night, I didn’t think they knew, but when I looked in the mirror, even I could tell I looked different. The days passed in a blur, and then come Monday, I was so excited I could barely wait.
I slipped on a pair of my skinny jeans, a Star Wars shirt I’d had forever, and brushed my hair before leaving. When I got to school and spotted Joel, I almost waved, but I didn’t. I looked at him, making sure he saw me, and then when he purposefully looked the other direction, I knew it had all been a lie. Everything he had told me, a lie.
I fought back the tears and headed to my English class. No one else was in there at the moment, and come to think of it, I had Joel in my second period class, oh this was just great. I tried to appear as calm as possible, and when I couldn’t take it anymore and asked to go to the bathroom, I heard Melanie and Chelsea talking outside of the stalls, “so you and Joel really are back together?” Chelsea said.
“Oh, yeah, of course. He can’t stay away from me for long, he just has to get angry with me sometimes to feel good about himself, but it’s not like he could ever want anyone else.” Melanie had said, sounding smug.
And I had wanted so bad to run out there and gloat that I had slept with him, but I was beginning to think that no one would believe me. And that was only the half of it.
After they left, I quietly washed my hands and made my way back to class. And when second period came around, I ignored Joel better than I thought possible. I did feel him look at me once or twice, but only in passing.
But when the office called me out to ask me something, and then as I got to the office, I felt someone behind me, so I turned around, and there Joel was.
I continued to walk, but he called out to me to wait. I stopped and gave him my meanest glare, “what do you want?” I demanded.
He darted his eyes around to make sure no one was paying attention, “look, I was kind of hoping that you could keep what happened on Friday on the down low. Me and Melanie are back together and I don’t want to ruin that, you understand, right, Serenity?”
I looked at him for a moment, “do I understand that you’re a pompous jackass? Oh, sure, I understand. You can go to hell for all I care because I wouldn’t want to tell one SOUL what happened between me and you because as far as I’m concerned NOTHING HAPPENED.”
He stared at me for a moment, “you know you can’t forget it. I was at my top notch that night, I was so pissed at Melanie.”
I laughed, “I may not have much experience, Joel, but trust me when I say, there are a million guys who could do better than you.”
His ego was hurt, I knew, and I was just glad I could hurt him half as bad as he hurt me, “well, look, all I’m saying is please don’t tell anyone, okay?”
“Sure, Joel, I won’t tell a soul.”
“And wait a while before you go back to class, I don’t want it to seem like we were talking or something.” I knew he had arranged for the office to call me, so he could tell me this, so there was no need in going in there.
I nodded, “whatever.”
He left and I waited two minutes before going back and sliding gracefully into my chair. I felt his stares boring into my back, and at least I knew then that I really had bothered him, at least he wouldn’t forget that night, as I would find out later, neither would I.
The rest of the day was a blur of me wanting to get out more than ever. I thought it couldn’t get any worse than losing my virginity to someone who didn’t care about me and being humiliated, but of course it did.
***
Two weeks later, when I realized I was late by four days, I began to worry a little, wondering if maybe Joel hadn’t used protection. I was too inexperienced and drunk to know what was going on. I was never late, so yes, this was abnormal for me.
After a week of being late, I drove over to Joel’s, praying that Melanie wouldn’t be there. I knocked on the door and he answered, giving me a look, “what do you want?” he asked.
“Um, yeah, I was wondering if you used protection,” I said quietly.
“What are you talking about, freak?”
I ignored that jab, “I need to know.”
He shrugged and started to shut the door, “get off my property before I call the cops.”
Tears welled up in my eyes, but I stomped off and I drove back to my house, before collapsing in my room and sobbing.
I heard a knock on my door, it was my mom, “honey, what’s wrong?” she asked.
I wiped at my tears, “nothing, I’m just… moody.”
“Is it that time?” she asked.
I shrugged, “you know how it is.”
She laughed and left, I felt horrible lying to her, but I didn’t know how to tell her. How do you go about telling your mother, who thinks you’re a perfect, straight A student who doesn’t even know what sex is yet, that you’re pregnant? And I knew I was, I had a gut feeling, I just knew that there was a little somebody in my stomach, and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t even take care of myself.
I decided to go out to the store, telling my parents I needed more pads. I bought a pregnancy test from a store which was thirty miles out of the way, where I knew no one knew me, and took it while I was there.
There it was, that horrible little pink plus sign. The sign that ruined my life. The sign that changed my life. The sign that changed everything I had ever known.