My heart stopped, the room had disappeared around me. All I could see was Tony.
MY Tony.
Looking right at me.
With disgust and hate written plainly all over his face.
I couldn’t form words; I didn’t have the words to express how sorry I truly was. All I could do was sit there staring right back at him, and holding back tears.
Say Something. Say SOMETHING!!!! My brain urgently called out.
“Hi Tony.” I whispered, breaking the deafening silence that had been roaring between us.
“Hi Summer.” It was music to my ears; just to hear his voice again. I had replayed it over and over again in my mind; but the words I continued to replay were “goodbye”; it was a miracle to hear him say “hello” again.
“How are you?” I asked noticing his white face and washed-out blue eyes.
“I’ve been better, and you?” his cheeks reddened as he remembered what had happened just a few minutes ago.
“Like I won the lottery.” I replied sarcastically. He laughed; and his whole face lit up. I smiled, it felt so unfamiliar as if I had never smiled until now. I remembered how easy things used to be between us; and I felt this small glimmer of hope. Maybe we would overcome this, maybe things WOULD be okay as LuLu repeatedly suggested.
“So,” his face seemed to cloud again, “How’s Johnny?”
I felt my heart sink again and crush the little hope that had started to shine.
It’s not that simple Summer; it still happened. I thought bitterly.
“I wouldn’t know.” I replied honestly.
“How do you not know what your own boyfriend is doing?”
“What? No! Me and Johnny…..we’re not….I don’t…..we were never EVER anything more than friends.” I said bewildered that he even thought we were together.
“Really? Because most guy and girl friends that I know don’t make out on the girl’s lawn in the middle of the night when they don’t think their boyfriend will find out.” He replied angrily.
“Tony,” the tears were struggling to break free, “Please; you have to understand, it was a mistake. I didn’t want it to happen!”
“You seemed pretty alright with it; considering YOU didn’t pull away first!”
“IT WAS A MISTAKE!” I screamed, everyone in the room looked up in surprise. I immediately reddened and went back to whispering. As did the rest of the class. “Don’t you get it? I’m sorry. I’ve apologized a million times, I haven’t blamed you or talked bad about you at all because I know I was wrong. But I can’t change what happened! If I had the chance, I would do it in a heartbeat. I’m sorry, Tony. I don’t know how else I can show you how sorry I am.” Some tears were trailing down my cheek, but I wiped them away as quickly as I could. I didn’t want his pity or anyone else’s. I wanted everyone to just understand.
All he did was shake his head, and go up to Mrs. Shun. After whispering with her for a few moments, she signed him a pass to the library. As he came back to retrieve his books, he looked at me right at me; his eyes a stone wall refusing to let me in.
“I don’t know what to believe anymore, Summer.” And with that he left, the classroom door slamming shut behind him. I stared blankly at the wooden door until a noise interrupted my empty thoughts. I turned around to see the window open, and two blue birds sitting outside it. They were chirping angrily at each other, until one of them flew away. The second bird sat still on the window, chirping sadly and staring towards where her mate had flown away. She looked crushed all over again.
I knew the feeling.