Walking to first period was painful that day. That one day, the day that everything changed between us: the day he broke up with me.
It had been over a year that we had liked each other and we still hadn't gone out at all. So, I asked him out. But noooo, he rejected me, saying that he thought of me as a great friend, and that going out just wouldn't seem right.
So why didn't he just end it? Why did he wait for me to be brave and ask him something that I've wanted for the last year and then turn me down? Why did him have to go break my heart?
The worst part is, when I tried to just be his friend and start stupid little conversations with him, he turned me away. Brushed me off. Gave me a cold shoulder.
Going over to his house for that band project was really hard because of the memories: me going there and just hanging out because we needed to practice the music before we started rehearsing it; me eating lunch with his whole family, kind of a meet-the-parents thing; worst of all, I remember our duet: him accompanying me on what I considered to be our song: "Listen to Your Heart." So when I went over there and he started playing a few bars of the song, I bit back tears. Heck, everything I think about always comes back to him.
I was looking at pictures from my bat mitzvah today for a school project. Lo and behold, he was there. He sat next to me at my table. I remember being so excited about that because we weren't together yet. I remember posing for a picture when he walked in to the temple, me calling over to he to say hi. I remember feeling weird in my dress because he had never seen me looking like that before. All that brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to cry, but even as they were welling up in my eyes, I couldn't get them to fall.
I want to be over him, but I'm not. I still want to be friends if we can't be together. But he seem to prevent that. He doesn't laugh anymore when I try to make a joke. He only laughed with my friend that day, leaving me feeling miserable.
Now, one month later, he acts like I'm scum. Nothing I do is right in his eyes. Whenever I talk with him now, I just get a snooty remark. I'm tired of it! Yet, as much as I want to get him out of my mind, I can't. I hate myself for that.
I'm trudging on, but I can't forget my first boyfriend. Even though we never called each other that, that's what I considered us. I know nothing between us will ever be the same. Because of his backtalk, I have almost completely stopped talking with him, and it takes a lot for that to happen. He can have all the fun he wants at vocational school, because now I'm happy he's leaving me. I honestly don't think I could face another school year with him. He broke my heart, and I know now, one month later, that he doesn't want to repair it at all.