That night. I closed my eyes harshly, my hands tensing against the pillow as my mind went to a time a year before this very day. Why did things turn out the way they did? All I ever wanted was him. All I ever breathed, thought of, and lived was him. A pain spread through my chest--sharp, unceasing, but I knew that I couldn't cry out. They wouldn't understand, and this was only the beginning...

Everything around me was so loud. It was as if I could hear everything in the house from the click of a switch to the TV I had blaring right beside me. I thought about that night harder, remembering every detail, because I knew I couldn't bear to let go of him. Suddenly my breath came in short, shallow gasps and everything around be began to fade. The sounds became quiet, obsolete, as I let the cold darkness envelop me.

*****

"I gotta game tomorrow, you comin'?" I gave a polite half-hearted smile to the boy next to me. I didn't get why I was going to promise to go to a game I'll never attend, but I squeezed his hand anyway and nodded, "Sure, when is it?" He began talking about how I've said that before and I never showed up but I tuned him out as my eyes found a suspicious car parked to the side of the school bus lane. We continued walking, hand in hand, when someone popped out and and looked directly at me. My heart stopped. Then my pulse raced, perhaps recognizing who it was before my mind did. Suddenly I knew with certainty exactly who it was when my name left his lips and coursed like a melody to my ears.

For a moment everything stopped, and then I heard his name fleet my lips as I flung my hand out of my so called boyfriend's hand and ran towards him. My feet covered the distance in a matter of seconds and I was in his arms. His sweet embrace. I don't think I had ever hugged someone so tightly before, and I never wanted to let him go. In that moment the world stopped, and all that mattered, all I knew, was him. His scent, his arms wrapped tightly around me, the feel of his body so close to mine...

*****

My eyes shot open as I gasped in a deep breath of air. Fresh tears found my cheeks as I dealt with the shock and terror of the memory. No matter how many times it had occurred, it never got any easier. Some might call it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or a panic attack, possibly even the worst case of heartbreak...All I knew was that the things you love get taken away from you, and I, I was just along for the ride.