This Is My Way of Loving You | Teen Ink

This Is My Way of Loving You

December 26, 2013
By yamanaka BRONZE, Osaka, Other
yamanaka BRONZE, Osaka, Other
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

0:01 AM 24 February 2011
Dear Alvin,

It’s officially a year since the incident. Your sudden aloofness, silence, and eventually the departure confused me even today. You left without saying a word, not a goodbye, nothing. I went to your house but your parents said that you left without informing where you were. I searched every single place you could possibly be; I called you every single day; and I missed every single word you said to me. I cried whenever no one is around me; I tried to hold back my tears but no trick seemed to work. My friends all told me to give up and to accept the reality that you have dumped me but I did not believed them. My friends kept inviting me to go to nightclubs with them to look for new guys that are “worthier” than you; but I always turned them down in the end because I didn’t think I could possibly find anyone who is better than you. My mom also wanted me to forget you; she even fixed me up on a blind date with one of her friends’ son, Sam. Even though Sam was nice and all, I told him that I still loved you so I was not ready to start anything with him. Six months of calling, waiting, and crying later, I finally gave up. Although I love you more than anything in the world, I realized that you don’t love me anymore. I stopped crying and started putting on makeups and dressing like a woman should. One day, I bumped into Sam in a coffee shop where I used to buy you sandwiches. We spent our afternoon there chatting and getting to know more about each other. As it turned out, he just moved back from the States after earning a master degree in architecture. Now, I can finally say that I am fine and happy. No matter where you, I wanted to thank you for all the wonderful memories you created with me.


















Sincerely,














Emily
24 February 2011

I can barely feel any air flowing into my lungs, my vision becomes blurry, and the voices around me becomes smaller and smaller…This is the moment that I have been preparing for months. About 6 months ago I had been diagnosed of lung cancer. The doctors said that I could die anytime and I could not live longer than 2 years. I know that you, my dearest Emily, would never leave me even though I am dying. I decided to be the one to take action. I started keeping distance from you, stopped calling you, and stopped saying ‘I love you’. Every time I see you cry for my aloofness, my heart shattered into million pieces. You might think that I am a total jerk but I really don’t want to see you wasting your young life for a dying man like me. I asked my parents and our friends to tell you that I went traveling and that they did not know where I am. I even called your mom. When I told her, your mother started crying nonstop but in the end she agreed not to tell you that I’m dying. Now that my vision is blurry, all of our happy memories come back clearer than ever to me. Although I can hear people crying and calling “Alvin, Alvin, don’t leave us” chaotically, all I am thinking about is the tender way you used to call me with your sweet, soothing voice. Emily, you are the apple of my eyes, you are my beautiful universe, and I will always love you no matter where I am. If I could, I really want to hug you one last time. Please forgive me for acting like a jerk for the past few months but this is my way of loving you. I will be looking after you in heaven and will be always there when you need me. I love you.



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