If Only | Teen Ink

If Only

January 25, 2014
By Rose_13 PLATINUM, Farmington, New Mexico
Rose_13 PLATINUM, Farmington, New Mexico
40 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you try and teach a fish to climb a tree, it will live it's life forever thinking that it is dumb. ~Albert Einstein


I made a list of his pros and cons from afar.
He was angelic imperfection, as far as I could tell.
That was the first day.
The list went a little like this:

Pros:
Perfect Face.

Cons:
Nada.

He was, in a way, perfect.
He was a little bit of a jerk as far as I could tell, though.
That was the second day.
The list went a little like this:

Pros:
Perfect Face.

Cons:
If only he weren't so Mean.

On the third day I started to realize something. He was being rude to my friends, and mocking them. What was I doing?
That was the third day. The list went a little like this:

Pros:
Perfect Face.

Cons:
If only he weren't so mean.
If only he was capable of being nice.
If only he could laugh at something other than me.
If only he would stop glaring.
If only he would stop mocking me.
If only he would stop pointing.

The list of cons kept getting longer, while the pros stayed the same. I couldn't make out why I had ever liked him. It was like a silhouette of me, far in the distance, swooning over a guy that wasn't even worth my time. And then I realized, that I am so young. I see people cry, I see my own friends cry over guys that will be bus drivers in ten years. And it's stupid. It's so stupid.
I love my friends, and they are incased in this illusion that, to quote the people of our generation, say "OMG, do you think he likes me?"
Well, what are you going to do? Marry him or make out a couple of times before he breaks your heart and you develop a sudden interest in sad country music?
What are we doing?
Why do we care?
I realized, at that moment, that everyone is beautiful. Everyone. But why do we need a stupid boyfriend to remind us? We don't. Sorry, boys.
Boys are cool, too, though. They're good friends, but we don't exactly need to pick one now.
As I realized this, I watched my friends from a distance, and watched as their "If only" cons accumulated for their guys that they had crushes on. And I decided to tell them that they were beautiful, and they didn't need a boyfriend to maintain that beauty, when the bell rang, and my thoughts were whisked away.
And was I of course, as I was swept down the hallway in a sea of peers, and the only thing I could remember from my broken train of thought was, if only, if only, if only.


The author's comments:
No one needs a boyfriend to feel beautiful.

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