It was the 7th of June, and the air was cool. I stood there as the waves washed the sand away from under my feet and thought about how lucky I was to have Xavier in my life.
Xavier was 6'3". You could say he was tall but that’d be quite the understatement. Now that I think about it maybe that was just me considering I was only 5'6". His hair felt like silk. He had luscious, brown curls and deep green eyes.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking back to when we first met. It was January of last year. Xavier had transferred to my school from the next district over. He was a junior and I was a sophomore. When I first met Xavier I hated him because he always picked on me about my intelligence. He used to call me a nerd and geek because I was in classes with upperclassmen. I knew he was kidding but I still found it irksome. Even though Xavier and I started off as enemies our relationship soon began to blossom into a friendship. By February, Xavier and I had become best friends.

It was hard for me to admit it to myself but I had found myself falling hard for someone I had just met merely two months ago. It was Wednesday, March 5th when I finally told Xavier that my feelings had developed into something more than just a friendship. Xavier and I had decided to meet up for early morning breakfast at the local diner. Xavier ordered eggs, bacon and the biggest pile of pancakes I have ever seen. I ordered Belgium waffles with a small fruit salad on the side. l was so nervous about telling Xavier that I couldn't finish my waffles so I just ate my fruit salad instead. It was obvious Xavier knew something was up because he asked me “Alexandria Grace! What is the matter with you?” “Nothing. I just have a lot on my mind.” I replied. He looked concerned as he asked “What’s wrong? Did I do something?” “Definitely not. It’s just over these past few months I’ve felt more like myself than I have in a really long time.” I said. “And that’s bad how?” Xavier questioned me in a humorous fashion. “Xavier” I sighed as I took a sip of my juice. “What is it Alex? Just tell me!” Xavier pried. “Xavier, it’s just that I really kinda… I don’t know how to say this. I like you, and not as just a friend anymore.” When I said this Xavier look stunned, but then his expression changed, and I couldn’t read him anymore. Xavier grasped both of my hands and held them; tracing over the outlines of the veins. Xavier then laid a gentle kiss on each one of my hands as he said “Alex, I really just need some time to think.”

I haven’t talked to Xavier in two days now. Ever since I told him how I felt about him he’s been distant. I feel like my other half has been ripped away from me. Even if Xavier didn’t feel the same way about me; I never imagined that my feelings toward him would ruin our friendship.

Xavier called me later that day. He told me that he needed to explain things to me. He picked me up around noon the next day; we drove for a long time. Xavier never replied when I asked him where we were going, but instead just brushed it off and changed the subject. I eventually drifted off to sleep as he continued on the long drive.

We arrived around four o’clock. I remember because I was startled by the sound of the Jeep’s door slamming and I glanced up at the clock on the dashboard. Xavier walked around and opened the passenger side door for me. I stepped out. My legs were asleep. I tripped. Xavier caught me. As I looked around I realized where we were. A cemetery. I had so many questions, but little did I know all of my questions were about to be answered.
Xavier guided me down a long path; past all the mausoleums and all the tomb stones under which housed long forgotten departed ones. As we walked a little further I saw a more recent plot. The grass was new growth, and the tombstone had a vase of fresh flowers placed to the left of the name. Her name. Kimberly Lane. I remembered her. Well… I’m not actually sure if you could call it remembering. I knew her name from an article in the local paper I had read earlier in the year about the high school junior that had committed suicide. I didn’t know her but after my father heard about her death he made sure have regular talks to me about my mental well-being. Xavier was staring at the stone. His gaze fixed on her name. What’s going on? Why are we here? I thought to myself. I had so many questions but I figured that’s why we were here. He sat next to the stone, and motioned me to come sit by him. And then he explained.
He took a breath; he started to say something, and stopped. Xavier was never at a loss for words. Him being at a loss for words was almost weirder than the fact that we were sitting in a cemetery. It was apparent that Xavier knew her. He seemed really upset just being there which was understandable. He looked up at me and grasped my hands again like he did the night I told him about how I felt. "Alex, I've liked you ever since you hated me. I know that I gave you mixed signals and I'm sorry. I really did need time to think, but it wasn't to decide if I loved you or not because I really do. It was because I needed time to move on. It was never my idea to change schools or leave my old life behind. I left because my parents saw that after Kimberly passed I was going through a lot. Kimberly and I were together for 8 months before she off'd herself. I thought everything was going well. We were in love. But what I didn't realize was that Kimberly was really depressed and had been for a really long time. She was so good at hiding it. From me. From everyone. I thought she was happy. I just wish I could have saw it coming; I just wish I could have stopped her. I was falling into a deep depression and I blamed myself for what had happened. My parents decided that it was best I just start new. It was hard at first, starting out and all. But then I met you Alex, and we became friends, and you were just so lively and full of spunk. You were the reason that I came to school each day. You saved me. If it wasn't for you I'd probably be in the same place as Kimberly right now. You were my drug and I had an addiction. Alex just know I will always be here for you and I won't lose you too." I was stunned. This wasn't what I was expecting at all. But then I did it. I let those three little words slip out of my mouth. "I love you." And I've never regretted it. We sat there a little while and Xavier told me about her. I kind of felt bad; like I was stealing Xavier away from her. Xavier then reassured me that Kimberly would have wanted him to move on he just wasn't ready to until he met me.
We walked back to the car; our palms pressed together and our fingers intertwined as we held hands. I got into the passenger's side and he got into the drivers. He looked at me with a very peculiar look and then kissed me. It was delicate, tender and loving. I felt the butterflies in my stomach fluttering around. I didn't realize it then but I had found someone that I would spend most of my waking moments with. Thinking back, it scares me to imagine that he might have ended his life if it wasn't for me. Did he really mean that though? Did I really save his life? Because really, it feels like Xavier saved me.