My parents always warned me of drugs in the street, but never the ones with hazel eyes and a heartbeat. It was March 15th, that was the day that I finally knew everything I had ever put into our relationship was a waste. I felt an emptiness I had never imagined I could ever feel. You had left me for a girl with the name of a season and never looked back. All those cold winter days I spent with you were a waste. You found the girl you truly loved, but my only question was why that girl hadn’t been me? I used to hold your big calloused hand and tell you how much I loved you, and the way you looked back at me with your hazel eyes that held so many secrets, I knew you felt the same. Or at least I thought you had. I loved you at your darkest time, and I fought for us through everything, but what we had wasn’t good enough. Even though now I have moved on to better opportunities, I still miss that winter, sitting with you at night wrapped tightly within your cotton sheets; I thought these were the best days of my life. I was holding you tighter every second because even the thought of losing you terrified me. You stared at me as I drifted into sleep and played with my hair until dawn. You were my happiness. Those never ending winter days when we would ride around in your old Chevy listening to all your favorite songs, screaming at the top of our lungs till we were exhausted and dizzy from the loss of oxygen, laughing because we knew what we had was real; those winter days were unforgettable. I knew this high school love couldn’t last forever, but the way you looked at me I felt that you saw every single one of my flaws but you didn’t mind them because you saw the person I truly was. I used to write in my journal stories of how we were in love, stories of how we would walk the beach at night, me on your back, talking about our future and what scared us most. The stars were bright, and we would lie down next to each other and admire them. I never dreamed of feeling the way I do now, empty and alone, even though I am surrounded by tons of people. Now I lie alone in my bed at night, and sometimes I miss you, and sometimes I wish you were still mine, but I can’t change the way you are or how you feel. If I saw you again I would ask you if you ever really did love me, and if so what did I do wrong to make you change your mind. Were those nights when we walked the beach ever significant to you, and did they mean as much to you what they did to me? But there are two things that really show life’s true meaning, suffering and love, and with you I have felt both. I must say that the suffering doesn’t hurt as much as the love. With love you could tear me apart and see deep inside me, but with suffering I could shut you out, but that wasn’t necessary because you didn’t want to see within me anymore anyways. I don’t think this is depression, but I also don’t think this is happiness. I wish we could relive those nights lying on the roof of my two-story housing sipping on Bacardi and hoping to see a shooting star, but the truth in it all is that those nights are over, and you’ve moved on. You don’t need me in your life so I shouldn’t need you in mine either. I need to focus on my happiness for a while and maybe that deep, empty feeling inside will go away. If you asked if I still loved you, the answer would be no, but I still crave the attention you once gave me and the tight embrace you wrapped me in. I still miss the way you smelled like summer with breath that always had a hint of alcohol on it, and the way you looked at me with those big hazel eyes of yours. But I don’t need anyone’s opinion but my own to be a good person. If I can look myself in the mirror every day and know that I am the person that I want to be, then I am living my life right. I wish the best of luck to you and the girl with the name of a season, and I hope you find the happiness that you never found with me.