I stare out the window as every drop of rain hits the glass like tiny bullets. I strangle my phone waiting anxiously for the vibrations. Every time I think I’m closer to understanding him, I’m actually three steps behind. Is he ignoring me? Did he get my text? Does he even care? I don’t know anymore. I don’t know how he feels. I don’t even understand how he works. I don’t know if I’ll even hear from him.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. It seems like a small number but it’s longer than any other relationship I’ve ever been in before. The rain is loud like it’s trying to drown out the sound of my thoughts. I hate the rain because it’s so wet but I love to watch the rain. He on the other hand hates the rain all together. He hates the snow as well, which I love. I love horror movies and metal music and my boyfriend; he loves action movies and pop and some days I don’t know how he feels about me.

At the beginning he would text me constantly; we’d have three hour phone discussions. Now, he knows that I’m sitting here with my phone at my side waiting for him. That’s how it is now; me waiting on him. I wait for him to get off of work, to be done with homework, to pay attention to me. The anxiety builds up just like these rain drops; the rain always starts slow with little drops but before you know it the rain is coming down so hard you need a boat to get to your car.

Our relationship is like rain. You never know what will happen, it may be a sweet little trickle with that beautiful aroma; or it could be the downpour that destroys homes and overfills rivers. I just sit by the window and wait. While the rain comes down my face waiting for the glow of your name on the phone’s screen. The rain drops hitting the screen like bullets.