I hate this field. I’m standing in the very same field as I once did with Sophia. Today would have been our four year anniversary. I always hated coming here; the flowers and weeds are terrible for my allergies. I did it for her. She loved the diverse arrange of flowers that grew together. She’d pick a new favorite every time. Some days we had picnics and maybe cuddle up next to each other and listen to the sound of the wind, sometimes I would take pictures of her walking through the flowers, my favorites were always ones she didn’t know I was taking them, other times we’d run around playing tag. I never liked this field it always had this gloomy feeling. Sophia liked it for the flowers, but I only see it for its weeds. We’d have to search for forever before we could find a spot that didn’t have pokey weeds or rag weed. I hate this field. Today the field feels duller and dreary. The sun is beating down today it’s scorching hot out. Today would be a day were we would swim in the pond that’s hidden in the woods, then after we’d come to the field and lay on our towels and talk about our future. I didn’t just come today because today is our anniversary; I came because I missed her. I come in the winter a lot even though me and Sophia never came during the winter. I like it better because there’s no pollen, no flowers, just white snow everywhere, the trees all look dead, there’s no sign that something so beautiful was ever here. I cry more in the winter than in the summer. Some days I don’t know why I do it to myself it hurts so bad others it’s like I don’t hurt at all. All in all I know why I come back I come here because it reminds me of her. It’s all I have left of her. When I’m here it’s like I can hear her laugh in the wind, I can see her smile in the clouds, and I can feel her next to me as I lay in the flowers. My favorite is when I feel a warm breeze; I watch the flowers bend and I remember when she would curl up next to me and rest her head on my shoulder. She would cuddle so tight and so close I could feel her breathing on my neck. The first time she told me she loved me was in a moment just like that. A hot day mixed with all the pollen from the flowers I get itchy and my nose runs; I used to hate it and would ask Sophia if we could leave. Now the pain and discomfort feels good. Sophia loved when we’d come here. I never really understood it until I started coming alone. I feel separated from the rest of the world, I can forget about everything else, I can escape to a different place, and I don’t have to feel anything. Today I got five text messages all saying things about how they are sorry for my loss and that I can talk to them. I don’t want to talk to anybody, I don’t want them to be sorry, I don’t want to feel anything. I convinced myself that today is just a regular day. I convinced myself that I wouldn’t hurt today. I convinced myself that I won’t cry today. It’s been almost two years since I lost my love. I love this field.