Sitting on the porch with my coffee, I was enjoying a beautiful November morning. The air was crisp but I felt cozy as I wrapped myself up in my fluffy blanket. I gazed off at the majestic Colorado Mountains starring at my Tiffany wedding ring as it glistened in the sun. I dozed off dreaming. Thoughts of my wedding day fluttered into my head. It was such a happy day with Jackson Bailey by my side. We were married right out of college and have been married for almost four years. We do almost everything together. We are inseparable; we go to the movies, go hiking, and take morning walks together.  He even enjoys shopping with me. I knew when I married him, we'd be separated at some point but I just never knew when. With Jackson in the Army and on active duty, we both knew he could be called away at any moment. He'd already been deployed and come back twice before but it had been over a year since his last deployment and I feared he'd be called away any day. I suddenly felt my calmness turn to sadness.
It was just three weeks before Christmas and the snow was falling. Jackson and I sat down for a candlelight dinner.  I remember the night so clearly.  I asked him how his day was, like I always did and it was the look on his face that told me something was wrong.
"What's wrong? Are you ok?" I asked.
He paused before he answered, "I was given new orders today from my commander." He said he was going to be deployed within the month to Afghanistan and he didn't know how long he'd be gone this time. He reassured me that he would be okay but I sat there feeling as empty as a store after Black Friday.  I panicked and my heart started racing. The tears began to fall down my cheeks. I knew the conditions in Afghanistan were much worse than ever before. I knew there were bombings and soldiers were being killed in combat. I knew this was not a good time for him to be going away. I feared this deployment. This just couldn't be happening!
  I was lost in thought until suddenly the phone rang, startling me. It felt like my heart had leapt out of my chest. I ran to answer it and before I could say hello I heard my best friend scream into the phone, "I'm on my way over!"
Keagan Bailey, Jackson's sister, had been my best friend ever since first grade.  She had always been like a sister to me. We even look a lot alike standing five feet tall with our blonde hair, blue eyes, and dimples. She is the kind of friend who is always at the right place at the right time.  I figured Jackson must have given her a heads up on his news because she was at my house within ten minutes after she hung up the phone. She seemed to know what to do distract me. She came barreling in the back door with both arms filled with bags. With all the stuff she had, I thought she was moving in.
"Can you help me Ainsley?” she squealed from behind her bags.
I rushed over and asked, "What are you doing?"
"We're going to decorate for Christmas!" Keagan said with excitement in her voice. As sad as I was about the news I had just received, I have to admit, her tactics worked, at least temporarily.  Keagan, Jackson and I spent the next three hours decorating for Christmas.
Then just a week before Christmas, the day I dreaded, it was time for my husband to leave. I helped him pack, and prayed for his safe return home. I packed him multiple pairs of wool socks and hand warmers because he told me the winters were brutal. I put little notes in his bags and then pulled our wedding picture off of his nightstand and tucked it into his bag as well. On our way to the airport, we talked about all kinds of things, but nothing related to him leaving or the army or the war in Afghanistan. When we got to the airport, tears were streaming down our faces as we said goodbye. Standing almost a foot taller than me with his dark brown eyes, he wrapped his strong muscular arms around me. He told me it was all going to be OK.  As he walked off, I stood there waving and feeling empty. I felt like my heart was about to shatter like glass at any moment. I prayed to God for his safety and safe return.
That night I couldn't sleep. I was restless as I tossed and turned until the early hours of the morning.  The thoughts that ran through my mind were no strangers to me because they came to me every time he left, but this time it felt different. I was more terrified than ever before.  What if this time he isn't lucky? I've heard plenty of stories. What if it becomes my story? What will I do? How will I cope without him?" Eventually I fell asleep after all the worrying and stress I put myself through.
The days passed so slowly turning to weeks and then months and then a year.  I couldn't believe Jackson had been gone for a full year. It had been the hardest year of waiting. I hadn't decorated for Christmas this year and was feeling more depressed than ever. Keagan kept trying to get me to go to parties and get out of the house, but I just couldn't bring myself out of my funk.  Then as if I had awoken from a bad dream, I received the call I had been waiting and praying for. Jackson called to tell me he was coming home for Christmas. He didn't have an exact date, but that was OK. I knew he'd be home for Christmas, I just knew he would. I had everything ready. The decorated the house, wrapped the gifts, and even had the table set for set for a special dinner with him upon his return.  This was the best news I had received in a very long time. I was beside myself with joy.       

Christmas Day! I figured this was the day that Jackson would be arriving home. He said he would be home for Christmas.  I arrived at my mother's house around nine o'clock that morning. We celebrated Christmas at my parent's house with Jackson's family and my aunts, uncles and six cousins. With bags of gifts and trays of cookies I arrived ready for a great day of celebration. When I walked in the door, I saw my mom, Jackson's mom, Leanne, and Keagan sitting at the table in tears. I dropped everything and ran over to them. "What's going on? What happened?", I asked. I was confused.
"It' Jackson...," Leanne responded with tears streaming down her face,
"We're not sure exactly what happened. All we know is that a bomb went off within 50 feet of where his unit was stationed. We don't know if Jackson was there or not," Keagan whispered.
I was panicked, sad, and scared all at the same time. I was barely able to speak. Somehow my mom knew I was about to ask them how they knew and pointed at the television behind me displaying the news channel. The headline said, "5 killed, 94 injured, one survivor".
Why? Why was this happening? Why would God do this? I've prayed for Jackson every day, why would God do this? These are the words that I kept repeating in my head
The rest of family started to arrive at my mother's house. We turned off the television and wiped our tears. I tried so hard to be brave and strong, but once everyone was sitting by the tree and started to open gifts, I began to feel dethatched. I stared into the room as if I were in a dream. Nothing felt real. It was all very surreal. I tried to mentally prepare myself for the phone call to tell me Jackson was gone. Tears started to flow down my cheeks.
Throughout the day, I rationalized about how I would deal with everything. At this point, I wanted to go home but I knew I had to be strong for Leanne and Keagan.
Every phone call startled me but each one turned out to be different family members and friends calling to wish us a Merry Christmas. That was when I realized I forgot my phone at home amidst the crazy rush earlier that morning. I was frantic as I realized I may have missed the call. Just as I was about to leave to go get my phone, Nana came in with a grin. Keagan, my mom, and Leanne grinned too holding back their tears. Nana asked, "Wherever it is that you’re off to in such a hurry, you can take my car."
Thankful for the offer, I went down to Nana's car and saw someone standing there in an Army uniform. I couldn't tell who it was. It looked like Jackson's commander. My body froze. I didnt want to hear the news. I did not want to know that Jackson had been taken at such a young age. I did not want to face the rest of my life without him. As I got closer, I realized that it wasn't the commander. It was Jackson!  Oh my God it was Jackson. It was a miracle. I hadn't recognized him with his scruffy little beard! I ran over to him and hugged him for what felt like forever. Tears ran out of my cheeks like rivers. I was beyond happy. This hug made up for all the lost time he was away! He whispered to me, "I love you." I put together the puzzle pieces and figured out why everyone been grinning as I was running out the door to get my phone.
Jackson had been the only survivor of the bombing that day. I was so thankful for his safe return, but I felt sorrow for the wives who had lost their husbands. The worst part was that I knew a few of them very well. After a yearlong deployment, I was grateful Jackson was home safely and happy to be with him. I guess this was truly a Christmas Miracle.