I pushed her up against the hardwood. My lips pressed deep into hers. Over the roar of the fireplace, I could hear her shift back further into the house. Grabbing my shirt, she shoved me back, teasing. “You know what I want” she whispered, as she moved seductively down the hall. Stepping back, I had just remembered that this wasn’t my house, which meant I had to play by her rules. “Is that so?” I teased back confidently, moving closer to her, causing her to stumble back into yet another wall, never breaking the almost eternal eye contact between the two of us.
It was Friday night, and my parents had released their grip from my teenage social life. Perfect for a night of adventure and physical exploration. I was with the woman of my dreams, in a house I had never been to, overlooking an almost unrealistic panorama of the Seattle skyline. I could almost mistake this for a dream if it weren't for her hands pulling me farther into hers, constantly adjusting and countering my movements with a swift gesture over her body. Who was I kidding? There was nothing standing between her and I, and as far as I could tell, it wouldn’t have been that way until tomorrow morning. She was wearing a light grey nightgown, fastened readily just above her hips. I adjusted again and handled her like I would a delicate silk. Not pressing too hard, yet making my intentions clear. Her flush had grown stronger as I moved past her lips and onto her neck. “Oh..” She moaned as I pushed farther. Taking a moment to enjoy her satisfaction, I paused to catch my breath. In the dark room, it was hard to make out any of the details. Somewhere open, with dark leather couches and tabletops that lay barren in the seemingly warm wasteland of an empty home. The fireplace seemed to be the only source of light, apart from the setting sun and with my bad eyes I could only observe the larger things. Not that it mattered. Besides, it was up to me to set the tone, and here I was, daydreaming about an experience that was literally happening right in front of me.
I wonder what she was thinking? It was always hard to tell with her. From looking into her deep brown eyes, I knew there was always something else on her mind. As if she meant to tell me a secret but kept it hidden in the back of her mind, unraveling it piece by piece through the recesses of whatever she was thinking about. Knowing her, I could never really tell if she meant what she said, always playing on words to distract me from her goal or persuading me with her looks, the same ones she had thrown at me the other night. She was a goddess and she knew it. Always confident, never unsure. Almost always elusive. And in that moment of intensity, I couldn’t feel my way past those thoughts. No matter how hard I tried with my hands.
Making my way back to reality, I moved back down against her beautiful figure, slowly prodding and pushing with my fingers. I could feel her shake and shudder underneath my touch, igniting a fire and lighting a match between her and I. Tethering and connecting our souls in a flurry of blind emotion. Feeling almost as if the skies could break open, reveal the heavens and there I would be, in the middle of it all, completely content with the situation at hand.
We moved from the seemingly dark living room to a standalone kitchen off to the side of the house. Her mind collided with mine as we made love. Not sex. And that’s where I think it was different. In one way or another, I felt like she was mine. Pushing aside the bullshit, the drama, the rumors, and all the games she’d play with me on late night weekends. It was just her and I. Me, a lone boy, chasing something I knew I could never fully hold onto and her, a young girl, moving through space and time with the passion of a lover, loving, not caring. Yet once again, here I was, moving through her soul and body with ease. Rolling and crashing through the waves of ecstasy, not really expecting but entrusting her with this. With me. And it was in that moment that I realized I wanted this girl. It was in that moment that I fully understood what all this was. Whatever this was. Moving up the stairs, we finally pushed our way into a closed off bedroom, A bedroom that seemed to be just big enough to capitalize on the amazing view.
We’d settled in bed, exhausted. I pushed my hands through her hair as she stirred on my chest. The colors in the room had died down from a faded red of the setting sun to a darker, purpler hue infused with the shades of blue and green. The fire had died out and was beginning to smolder, leaving grey imprints in the brick opening. “I love you” I murmured under my breath, looking out into the depths of the downtown metropolis. “And although what we have is fleeting, I want you to know that I feel almost entirely connected to you. I always have. You mean that much to me.” I pronounced, pausing, letting my thought sink deep into her.
After a while in quiet apprehension, she shifted uncomfortably and moved away from me. “Bailey..” she said quietly, hopping out of bed and moving towards the window. “It’s not like that” she said. “You aren’t what I want.” Awestruck, I sat up. No longer in a state of ecstasy. I pushed the covers off and moved towards the end of the bed. Stumbling to find a solution to this collapsing dream. “What do you mean? This is what I’ve dreamt about..” I said foolishly. “You know how much you mean to me! How could you not?” I yell desperately, even though I know that’s not going to make a difference. There was a long silence that seemed to linger throughout the air as she thought about her answer. “I just don’t feel the same way” she replied, breaking the tension with her soft voice. “You're an amazing person but I just don’t know about this.. Besides I’m still seeing someone el-” Her voice fades as I lose grip with my reality. Falling through into an unknown space. Lost.
Uncertain, I close my ears and make my way out of the room. Sitting down on the staircase, I reach for my thoughts but nothing comes. Emptiness fills me. My heart shatters and I implode, sending shards in every direction, impaling my insides and turning them to mush. How could this have changed so quickly? Was it because I said something? Did I cause this? Am I the one to blame? These questions fill the void, while I continued to grasp to the fading dream of her and us. I knew the answers wouldn't come yet I still questioned myself, looking at the steps that got me to that point. The heartbreak hits, sending me twisting down a set of sadness and despair. I pushed hard against the floor, which seems to take my beating and push back against me, compressing my thoughts even more. I couldn’t breathe. Losing sight of everything, including the girl who stands in the doorway, confused. “Are you okay?” She asks, as the white sheets drape from her body. “I need a minute-” I say, as I move awkwardly down the staircase.
Scrambling, I moved for the door and took a giant leap outside. It was cold. Rain was starting to fall on the sleek concrete streets of West Seattle. I could feel the wind pick up as it rolled through the porch, causing the potted plants to shift and sway. I took two deep breaths and assessed my situation. From the looks of it, I had two options. I could go back inside, to the woman of my dreams and pretend like nothing happened or leave and make my way to my car, saying nothing and leaving the empty space to be filled by someone else. 
It was pitch black when I walked back into the house. Dejected feelings stabbed at me through the dark, embedding themselves deep into the pit of my stomach. I could hear her upstairs, cautiously tiptoeing around the center mass of the spiral staircase. I moved with intent as I pushed passed her, not saying a single word. After grabbing my coat, I opened the door and made my way up the hill, past the luxurious houses that lay absent on a lonely Friday night.