What am i gonna do about the girl… I mean i like her but i don’t wanna be kept a secret or have to act a certain way around her brother and sister cause there’re around when they always around. And apart of me is still all for the boy… Its hard cause i don’t wanna say i love him that is such a big word for my small heart. But i miss the midnight conversations or when he was drunk and trying to figure out how people make doughnuts without nuts. I miss the late night signing and smiling whenever he went way off key. I miss it when we used to just talk and talk about... everything. I came out of a bad situation before the boy and he was helping me get over it. Nobody knows not even you. And it so hard to look at him without wanting to just hug him... I miss his hugs. I miss he laugh. But when I’m around the girl.. I forget about everything, and I’m not just talking about the wyatt situation, Im talking about EVERYTHING i forget about my past, i forget about all the bad that was done. I’m happy for a while. and when i look into her eyes... Its like a totally different dimension like I’m lost in her eyes and i can’t be hurt there. And she clingy, you know how much i love the fact that whenever some chick walks up and hugs me she gives them the dirtiest look and the only way shell stop is if i stop and go over there and hug on her. She makes me have a true laugh, like you and her are the only people that have been able to make me truly laugh. When she came into the picture everything was pretty damn clear. Yet I’m so afraid to give her my all. Im not letting myself get attached and i don’t know why. Apart of me wants to tear down these walls for her another part of me is trying to make them higher and stronger. When i feel for someone i truly feel for them. Thats why i have deep connections with my friends. You honestly friend have been the only person I’ve actually truly opened up to since... I wanna say my freshman year. I closed up when i transferred up. Granite I’ve only told you a few things but those things are deep and really personal. even when it doesn’t seem like it they are to me cause i never open up to anyone. And i wanna be like that with the girl but its so hard to let go of this wall dude. Like i tried taking it down for the boy and the day i was ready to open up.. he already was busy with the home wrecker .  Im so scared to do anything anymore man. Now i got myself all up in my feelings and i don’t know what i wanna do. Its not like I’m desperate for a relationship either cause I’m perfectly fine single, but the way the girl got me feeling i have a deep feeling that if i dropped her i would regret it at some point. Ive been losing many people i care about i can’t loose her or my friend. especially you. but you two are the only ones keeping me from going completely crazy tbh. I just.... I don’t know what to do anymore. Half the time i just wanna be done with everything and everyone and just call “lights out”   Im getting tired of seeing myself in the mirror and wanting to punch it, and its not even the weight part. its everything else. I just don’t know what do anymore, I’ve completely given up…. God these are times that i wished i had my… Well.. These are times that i wish i had my old richy back…