Once upon a time there was a Witch named Alexis with the most beautiful wing in the whole world. Unfortunately, she was very sad because her one heart’s desire was to have a Oreos.

An old witch in her town named Julia told her that she could find Oreos at the top of Mount Sofie. Our hero was filled with hope so she went home and got Talia, her pet White Tiger, and together they headed off into the forest below the mountain. The forest was dark and creepy and gave Alexis and Talia the heebie-jeebies, and it wasn’t long before they both started hearing rustling noises. They were coming from a nearby Rose. Before they could run away, a gruesome monster jumped out of the Rose, nearly scaring them to death!

“I am the mighty Monstera! If you wish to pass you must answer three questions,” it said.

“But we don’t have time,” Alexis cried. “We’re trying to get to the top of Mount Sofie.”

“Tough noogies to you,” Monstera cried. “Answer my questions or go back home. First, could you fit a diamond in your nose?”

“That’s a silly question!” Alexis said. “I guess I could if I had to!” “Ha!” Monstera laughed. “You’re right! You have a huge nose. Now, answer me this. How much pizza could you eat in one sitting?”

“Well, I don’t care much for pizza but if I had to I could probably eat 12.”

The monster laughed even harder. “What does your pet’s arm smell like?”

“I don’t know why you would care but it smells like skunk.”

The monster realized our hero was honest and true and allowed her to pass. So, Alexis and Talia went farther into the woods until they came to a clearing. There, on a pedestal sat a diamond.

“Well, that’s weird,” Alexis said. “That monster was just talking about one of these. I suppose I should take it. It might be helpful later on, though I don’t know how.”

So Alexis and her trusty pet, Talia, set off again and found themselves at the base of Mount Sofie. There they found a rope and used it to scale the mountain. They struggled for 5 days and 9 nights. All the time they were attacked by giant bunnies and enormous flying brownies with lime green tentacles and brown ear. But, finally, they got to the top of the mountain. It was a good thing, too, because they were both ready to give up and go back home!

At the top of Mount Sofie was a huge light blue castle with a drawbridge. On the drawbridge was a big basket filled to the top with pizza. “Well, this is peculiar,” Alexis said. “I remember that lunatic monster in the woods was asking about these, just like he did about my nose and the diamond. I guess I could take these with us in case they come in handy, but be honest, I have no idea how they could be useful.” So she hoisted the basket onto Talia’s back and together they went into the castle.

Once inside they found an ugly The Hulk, even more gruesome and smelly than the first monster. In fact, he smelled like pizza that had fallen under the seat of a hot car.

“I am the mighty Brielle, King of the Goobers! I rule this castle and everything in it. I suppose you’ve come here because I have tons of Oreo’s.”

Alexis nodded. “It’s my greatest wish to have Oreos.” “Then you must show me something remarkable!” King Brielle said.

Alexis was so angry she partied, but getting mad wasn’t going to solve her problems. She had to do something remarkable and the only thing she could think of was to stick her diamond up her nose. So she did! It was totally disgusting, and Alexis looked like an idiot with the diamond sticking out of her nostril, but the King of the Goobers applauded. “That is remarkable.”

“I’m glad you’re impressed,” our hero said. “Now may I have an Oreo?”

“No!” the king roared. “To get that you must beat me in an eating contest! I hope you like pizza.” The king hurried Alexis into a dining room where a huge plate of piping hot pizza was waiting on a table.

“No one has ever eaten more of these than I have but if you can I’ll give you your heart’s desire.”

So, seeing that she had no choice, and being a bit hungry from climbing the mountain, our hero removed the basket from her pet’s back and dumped all the pizza onto the table. Together, she and the King ate and ate. They ate for 19 days and 23 nights. They even ate on Christmas, until the buttons popped off their pants. But, when it was all over, Alexis had eaten one more pizza than the King of the Goobers.

“I ate more than you,” our hero cried. “Now give me what I came for!”

“Absolutely not,” the king bellowed. “You cheated somehow. I won’t give it to you.”

Our hero was so angry she picked up her pet and shoved Talia’s arm into the King’s face. The King screeched in horror.

“NO! I can’t stand the smell of White Tiger arm. It’s my only weakness!” And a moment later the King of the Goobers melted into orange juice all over the floor. Alexis and Talia were glad to be rid of him and searched the castle, finally finding the Oreos! And since the castle was now abandoned they decided to live there, where they would never have to stick a diamond up their nose or eat nasty old pizza again. And besides, they had no idea how to get back down the mountain.

And they lived happily ever after!