The Cinder Girl | Teen Ink

The Cinder Girl

January 20, 2021
By Anonymous

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Part 0

Prologue

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In a land of the past, a land of loss, and a land of sorrow, there is only one more thing that it can become. And that is a land of regrets.


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Part 1

The Prisoner

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Drip. Drip. Dank, dirty water falls at her feet, occasionally splashing her 

shoes. They were once new, a silky pink, but worn by years of stealing, escaping, and crimes. Now she pulls out a piece of wrinkled paper with strange symbols and handwriting only she can understand. She is spiteful, vengeful, defiant, and full of rage. She silently goes over her plan in her head. Soon she is ready.


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Part 2

The Servant

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“Lilian, there’s another one here!” My sister called.

It had been a few days from the ball, and the entire town was flooded with 

flyers and pictures of the so called “Mystery Girl” who had run away from the prince last night. She was a pretty girl (as I had heard) and conversations everywhere were about her. The prince had even stopped the ball as soon as “Mystery Girl” left, and he had refused to let anyone near him until she returned.

My only sister, Rose, was always eager to be on top of these things that the 

townspeople often talked about.

“How romantic,” I grunted as I stacked a bundle of hay onto a cart and told my 

horse to go. “Hope they find her soon.”

“Carrots, time to go!” I shouted. Carrots (who was my horse) was content, 

excited, and enthusiastic. She trotted along the road until she reached our destination. As I got off, I suddenly noticed another flyer—but this time it was different. Ripped and worn, there was a piece of paper nailed onto a tree.

Wanted, dead or alive

Briar Thorn

Criminal, guilty of many offenses

Escaped from jail 10/3

I shivered. Wasn’t Briar in jail? She was, wasn’t she? Briar Thorn was a well 

known criminal in this area, especially since this was where she had grown up, and committed most of her crimes. She was a sneaky, determined criminal. Though there were much, much more, she had rarely been caught. Lately there had been a rumor going around about some kind of trickery or revenge, but I wasn’t at all concerned. After all, it was only the nature of our little town to come up with the wildest things.

Recently, there had been a lot of sightings of Briar, which was absurd, 

because she was known to be in jail. The prison guard and the king had even showed the angry Briar, hunched over in her cell. She didn’t talk, but when the prison guard prodded her, she hissed. That was why I was a bit worried about the “wanted” poster.

After delivering my haystacks, I cleaned up my clothes and changed into 

more fitting ones. I had three jobs, delivering haystacks, sewing and mending clothes, and working as a servant for the palace, the king and the queen. I sighed, letting the fancy ribbon in my hair fall out. Then I quickly got to work, making sure to not waste any more time.


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Part 3

The Girl Who Cleaned

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Ella scrubbed dutifully at the stairs, her yellow hair in thin strands by her side, as 

her stepmother came walking by.

“Ella, would you mind being more careful when cleaning?” Ella’s stepmother 

asked, wiping away at a dirty place on the polished wood.

Ella nodded and kept her eyes down. Her heart was still pounding about the 

letter she had stolen from her stepmother’s room. It was an invitation, and Ella, out of her jealousy, did not want her stepsisters to know about it.

“Well, you might want to do your chores a little better, if you want a place to stay 

here. We don’t exactly have everything free here.” Ella’s stepmother continued, her eyes settling on the small space of their home.

“Yes, mother.”

Ella stood up and then gasped as the invitation slipped out from under her dress 

pocket. “Oh!” She cried, seeing if her stepmother had seen.

Ella’s stepmother’s eyes flashed. “Is that the royal invitation? The one my other 

girls have been dreaming for?”

Ella stepped back, not talking.

“Well, if you are daring and selfish enough to not let them go, then that might as 

well happen to you!” She said sternly, taking the invitation and placing it into her own hands.

“You will not be going to the ball.”


***

Part 4

The Servant

***


“Your majesty,” I said, keeping my eyes cast down, “I, Lilian Rose, have 

arrived to be at your service.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Queen Leilah smile at me. “Good 

morning, Lilian. I’m pleased to see you again.”

I nodded.

“Now, there is a certain job that no one else has been daring enough to do.”

I listened intently.

“As you know, it is our duty to be at least a little caring, even to the criminals 

of our kingdom; change is always possible. ne of these things is hygiene and cleanliness. Would you be willing to clean out the dungeons? Just the last two rows; the other ones have already been scrubbed.” Queen Leilah looked flustered, as if she had swallowed a jar of hot sauce, and that she didn’t really want me to risk everything, but that she had to have it done.

“It is my duty,” I replied, backing away and reconsidering everything.

“Thank you, Lilian! I knew you would be brave enough. I thank you from the 

bottom of my heart.”

By this time, I was already running down the stairs to the key room, and the 

security guard let me in. I grabbed a set of keys for the dungeons deep below, and ran even deeper into the depths of the palace. Usually I kept my palace slippers on, but now I had to change into thick, rubbery boots.

The only dungeon in the Kingdom of Long Ago, Föst, was a horrible place. The 

dungeons were musty, damp, and smelly. A strange, slippery yellow pulled at my thick rain boots, while sewage water dripped down my neck every once in a while. It was disgusting. I was about to take out the mop and water bucket when—

“Noon, escape and rejoin with master. Take servant to help. By nightfall, reach 

Whitewater.”

I froze where I was, my heart pounding through my ears.

“She won’t know. And then she can’t tell. Or else—“

I hear the sound of a blade, and then the dim light reflects off the dungeon 

walls.

“She’ll come now. I’ll hear her. And I have the keys.”

I didn’t know what to do. I was frozen in place, with no one to help me. And I 

had just eavesdropped on a plan of escape. I was only an alert, scared servant girl.

“Ha.”

Without any other choice, I lifted up my leftover loaf of bread from breakfast 

and tossed it far behind me. Then I cringed at the loud sound in made. The voice ceased, and all became silent. I tossed a piece of cheese, this time closer, then an apple.

Lifting up my bucket full of water, I crept closer.

Now I could see better. The person most likely talking… It was Briar. Briar, it 

was, black cloak, long hair, masked face. And I knew she could fight.

She was outside her cell, looking in the direction opposite of me, waiting for 

me to show up, but I was already there.

Instead of doing anything, I slowly walked backwards until I reached the 

stairs, then slammed the door behind me and ran with all my might up the stairs, gasping at the danger and what I had just heard.

The prison guard looked at me like I was crazy. 

“Have you gone mad?” He yelled, waving his hands around, “The Queen will be 

angry!”

I was about to say something, but—

“You’ll be going to the royal court tonight! Disruption, interruption, failure of 

duty…” the list went on and on.

“But…” I kept trying to interrupt, but he wouldn’t take any of it. He wouldn’t 

even listen to a word of mine!

Soon, I was in chains and sitting in a chair in front of Queen Leilah’s best judges.

“What is she guilty of?” Queen Leilah asked nervously. She had a tendency to do 

that.

“The disruption of the prisoner guard and the rest of the prisoners (possibly the 

royals as well), interruption of her duty, failure to complete her duty, denial to guilty trial, denial to reason, lying, unreasonable—”

“Excuse me, sir,” Queen Leilah interrupted, “but don’t you think that this is 

getting a little ridiculous?”

The man gave her a strange look. “If you say so,” he concluded.


***

Part 5

The Girl Who Cleaned

***


Ella’s sobs racked her body as her dress, a beautiful silk, laid on the floor unused.

As her stepfamily left, Ella curled up into a ball and waited for something to 

happen. Mice gathered around her feet.

“Go away, you mice. You don’t, or ever will, do me any good. You never have.”

The mice reluctantly left, but they were used to Ella treating him them that. They 

only really needed to get some cheese, but that could wait until later. This had become common ever since Ella had become a servant for her stepfamily.

Suddenly, Ella noticed a shimmering in the corner. She turned and looked—but it 

was only the mirror. She sighed, beginning to cry again.

Then a voice sounded. Ella turned hopefully to look—was this the fairy that had 

come to help her?

Instead Ella could only look in shock as the figure revealed her face—it was Briar 

Thorn.

But—she wasn’t here for Ella. Ella watched in horror as a rope twisted in Briar’s 

hands and wrapped itself around the fairy that had just now appeared. Instantly the familiar, shimmery glow disappeared as the fairy was lifted into a jar. The fairy was meant to help Ella!

Then Briar gave Ella a wink and a drop of potion, and she was gone.


***

Part 6

The Servant

***


I was in a dungeon.

I was sure of it.

I couldn’t get out.

The thoughts repeated themselves in my head over and over again as I stared 

into the murky depths of the hole by the bench I was sitting on.

I was only a servant girl who wanted to help, who saw Briar plotting her escape 

with her own eyes, yet I was sentenced to three years in prison for disrespect for the royal court and law. Even the queen had not been able to help.

I had only been in jail for a week, but that was about the exact time that the 

“Mystery Girl” had been found. She was out in a garden near Whitewater. Whitewater was a peaceful, calm place.

Whatever, I thought. It’s not like I need to care anymore. The kingdom won’t help me, so 

why should I help them?

The hours passed in a blur, all looking the same. After a long time, the person in 

the cell next to me suddenly began to speak.

“Royal court issues, eh?” It asked.

I took a start. It was rare for the prisoners to speak, especially since they were all 

caught up in their own miseries, and probably regrets of them escaping faster.

“That’s what I came from, too. That no-good Ms. Penny? She paid me—begged 

me, even, to not publish that wanted poster o’ mine. It was only when I posted the first one outside Hays and Bales that she had me thrown into these dungeons here.”

I suddenly became interested. “Hays and Bales, you say?”

The shadowy figure nodded. “Hays and Bales, all right. That was the only place 

anyone would see it!”

“And was Ms. Penny new?”

The figure considered this for a moment, then nodded. “Fairly, at least. Old 

workers here have special badges.”

“Why did she have you thrown into these dungeons?”

“Well, as I mentioned, she begged me not to post the wanted posters because I 

had a “more important” job to do, I asked what it was, and she said something about managing money. Now of course, here I am, an old man, and she wants me managin’ money? No way! So I refuse, and tell her I’m perfectly fine doing what I’m doin’, then the next thing you know she has me arrested for posting posters and “financial issues”! What kind of logic is that?” He finally said.

I was so, so interested. “And do you know that the wanted poster you posted—I 

found it? And that’s the only one? And until a week ago did I realize that it was true and the rumors going around town about Briar being in the dungeons to be false? At the bottom of the hill, there are scraps of your ‘wanted’ posters!”

The man stopped for a moment, then gave a loud yell. “Why? Why? Is there a 

problem with being a good citizen around here?”

“Apparently. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? About this whole thing? 

About… ‘Mystery Girl”’, Briar, and her sidekicks? It just doesn’t all add up. I also know that Briar escaped nearly a week ago. Only I don’t think that was—”

The man nodded. “In fact, if my memory does me right, there is—” he lowered 

his voice, “a potion of sleep right here in my bag.”

I raised my eyebrows, confused. “What does it mean?”

“It means,” he said, glowering closer, “that you know too much.”

A shriek escaped my throat, and the glowing eyes of the man was the last thing I 

saw before everything went dark, almost like the only candle left in a dark room was extinguished.

 

***

Part 7

The Prisoner

***


Queen Leilah sat on her throne, smiling at the “Mystery Girl.” It turned out that 

her name was Ella, and she was from a poor family that disapproved of her going to the ball. This Ella had big wishes about the future of the kingdom, from making things better, to changing the laws for criminal defense.

Servants around the room crowded around the room, offering Ella things, but 

she refused. Instead she looked into the queen’s eyes and asked her for a moment alone, with only one servant accompanying.

Queen Leilah agreed, saying how it was a pleasure to have Ella here, and her 

humble attitude, her great ideas, almost everything.

Ella smiled at this and that, then she walked up to the queen’s throne.

One of the Queen’s necklaces, Creamy Jade, shone brightly in the morning 

light.

“Your Majesty, here.”

Queen Leilah looked at what Ella was holding, and it flashed in the light of the 

sun.

“I am Briar, and I have come back to get you.”

Sharp and unforgiving, the laugh of Ella was silent and evil as the queen fell from 

her throne.

There was still the servant to blame.


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Part 8

The Prisoner

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The gaze of “Ella’s” eyes wander around until it reaches a small man and 

woman sitting near the corners of the ceremony. She gives them a nod and a hand signal. They give her a signal back.

“We now announce Ella, raised from the humble home of cinders, chores, and 

ashes, to be the new princess of the Kingdom of Long Ago!”

Cheers erupt from the crowd as the prince smiles at Ella.

Ella smiles back, and hands him a bouquet of roses, a royal tradition.

He does not know what awaits him, for now.

When he takes another breath, he will.


***

Part 9

Epilogue

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That was many years before. Time has passed since, the flowing, crystal lakes of water now becoming empty desert river beds. Stories have been passed down, further and further along the generation of constant change, until they are no longer recognizable. Now, in the empty ruins of the Kingdom of Long Ago, awaits a vicious tale waiting, lurking, begging, trying to be found.


The author's comments:

This piece was written as a play on the classic tale of Cinderella. I made a lot more dark turns and twists, as well as a fun and clever play on the characer's personalities.


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