Cast (in order of appearance)
Jen…Narrator
Jess…Kaptain
Audrey…Brane
Amber…Wacko 1
Brigid…Wacko 2
Bailey…Candi/Dr. Meanie

Narrator: A group of friends set off on a journey to a close by market during the age of Obama. Throughout this epic quest the friends will have some laughs, tears and ironic twists. Meanwhile, Candi who is really the evil and sinister Dr. Meanie in disguise…

Kaptain: (to narrator) What! No one said anything about that! Who’s idea was that? I should have known…

Brane: (pulls Kaptain away) On come. Speak let narrator the, on come.

Narrator: As I was saying… Oh blast! I forgot where I was hold on. (Quietly reads beginning to self) Ah ha! Here we go… Dr. Meanie in disguise. Dr. Meanie has an evil plan up her sleeve, which may cause some chaos for our yellow-bellied friends. Shall we begin?

Wacko 1: Look!
Wacko 2: (points) It’s Hogwarts!
Wacko 1 and 2: H-O-M-E-D-E-P-O-T…Hogwarts!

Kaptain: (thinks) Let’s go inside and get some pixie…I mean wands.

Brane: Fun be could it. Hogwarts not is this.
Kaptain: (to Brane) Shh! They don’t know that! Besides, special people plus sugar equals more fun!

Narrator: And so the group went forth into Home Depot (Kaptain throws pixie stix at her) I mean Hogwarts.

Wacko 1: (points to Jen) Look! It’s Moaning Myrtle!
Wacko 2: Hi Myrtle!

Brane: Do to going are we what?

Wacko 1 and 2: (Run to pixie stix) Look, wands!
Wacko 2: They is scrumdidly-umptious! (Eats 3)
Kaptain: (thinks) Hmm…
Narrator: The Kaptain began to strategically plan their next move…
Kaptain: (yelling at Narrator) I think they know that! Everyone here isn’t a babbling, bumbling band of baboons! As I was saying… Hmm, Brane any ideas?

Brane: Hogwarts explore!

Wacko 2: (turns lights on and off) Luminous or not luminous, that is the…um…the…WAND! (Eats 2 more)

Candi: (backs away) I have to um…go…to…the bathroom? Yes I have to go to the bathroom.

Kaptain: (Takes stix) To Hogwarts!
Brane: Hogwarts to!
Wacko 1 and 2: Yay! Hogwarts!
Wacko 2: (eats the rest of her stix) I don’t feel so goods…(she falls)

Kaptain: (checks pulse) Oh no! A P.S.O.D.!
Brane: D.O.S.P.?
Kaptain: Pixie Stix overdose! Poor Wacko 2! Wacko 1, Wacko 2 is dead!

Wacko 1: Dead?
Kaptain: She’s going sleepy forever…
Wacko 1: (poked Wacko 2) Wake up! Why are you sleeping? You so silly, wake up!

Brane: Forever gone is she. Up waking not is she.
Wacko 1: (sobs) But…but…
Dr. Meanie: Hello…
Kaptain: Dr. Meanie! What? I was never informed of this! It is not in the script!

Narrator: Yes you were and yes it is! Look at page 3! I even said it in the prologue!

Kaptain: No! You lie! Let’s check the script. (Takes out script and reads) Oh okay never mind…I still want a new narrator!

Narrator: Too bad. Everyone else has a role.
Kaptain: No!
Dr. Meanie: Enough! I want the Wackos! (Walks to Wacko 2) What? What happened?

Brane: D.O.S.P.
Dr. Meanie: What does that mean?
Wacko 1: I hate you. (Points at narrator) Estupidify! (“Spell” which is really a pen hits Brane)

Brane: What! I don’t talk backwards anymore…(sobs) Thanks a lot Wacko! (Cast spell, which is really a pixie stix and hits narrator) Windgardium Liviosa!

Narrator: Hey! Just kill Dr. Meanie! Hurry Kaptain!

Kaptain: Don’t rush me! (Pixie stix whiz by her head) Hey watch out!

Dr. Meanie: Ha-ha! No one can defeat me, the invincible Dr. Meanie!

Kaptain: (grabs Wacko 2’s shoe and throws it) Ha! So much for invincible!

Dr. Meanie: (falls) My plan has failed…
Kaptain: (whispers) Again…
Dr. Meanie: Avenge me Brane! (Dies)
Brane: (picks up wand) Hmm…
Narrator: And so the day was saved thanks to this loveable band of losers…

Kaptain: Hey! I am not a loser! I’m in marching band! And I saved the day with no help from them! They fought each other! (Keeps ranting, begins to fade)

Narrator: As I was saying, the day was saved!
Kaptain: No! The story isn’t over! Didn’t you see Brane picked up the wand! There is obviously a sequel, or another part to the story!

Narrator: You know what? I give up! Good-bye and good day! (Walks off “stage”)

Kaptain: (To audience) See! She has the wand! (Points at Brane) I know this is clichéd, but still! She has a choice! This is not the end!

(Everyone walks out. Carrying Wacko 2 and Dr. Meanie)

Wacko 2: (Walks back on stage) Bye everyone! (Eats another pixie stix, then runs out)