I crouch down, pressing my palm against the recently thawed ground, cool to the touch even through my gloves. I reach out with my mind like I had so often been told, but no matter how hard I press, or how sweat beads on my forehead from concentration, nothing happens. I dig my nails into the dirt, and for a moment I taste the sharp tang of blood, making my head spin.

So many times I had been told that my powers had to come eventually, but no magic ever greeted me.

I withdraw my hand and slump back onto the cool, wet grass, indifferent to the lump in my throat and how my chest seems to constrict no matter how slowly I breathe. A voice inside my head scolds me. I squeeze my eyes shut, pushing the voices out, out, out. They fly away, and I’m Xena again. My breath returns to normal, and I slide my gloves back on.

“Xenia!” A high, singsong voice that belongs to my youngest sister calls my name. She walks closer to me, her honey blond hair swaying along her back in a braid. “What have you been doing?” Eira looks me up and down, her brow creased and mouth downturned. Her sky blue eyes reflect the sun, and she basks in the light that has readily revealed itself to her.

I rise to my feet, straightening my back and dusting off my skirt before Eira’s berating stare. I brush my skirt off and turn away. “Nothing, except leaving,” I tell her bitterly, trying to make my voice commanding, but it doesn’t match even half of my littlest sister’s authority.

I march from the blooming gardens back into the quiet, foreboding palace. Each step I take echoes through the marble halls, reminding me how lonely the life of a queen crowned will be. Along the walls are statues and portraits of my ancestors. They say Queen Thalia was blessed, able to control endless oceans and rolling thunder. Queen Katharine was able to coax plants out of the ground and tame the wildest animals.

Before I reach the end of the Hallway of Queens, I duck into a servants passage so that I can reach my rooms unnoticed by the nobles that lurk the hallways, the way they whisper about their powerless heiress, how the line is fading, about me.

I keep my head down as I walk through the narrow corridor, and I reach a small staircase that I have traversed too many times to count. When I reach the top, I make a sharp left into another hallway, and walk until I enter my sitting room through a back door.

In front of the window stands a silhouette, jet black hair in waves down her back. The figure turns around, revealing features almost identical to Eira’s, except for her eyes. Instead, her eyes are wise, twinkling and carrying all the secrets of the unknown. It is Vera, older than Eira by a few precious minutes, blessed with powers of the night while her twin is gifted with the light.

“Xenia!” She exclaims. “Have you forgotten about the ball tonight?” She asks, worried as she takes in my appearance.

I tear my gaze away from hers. “I remember, it’s just… I’m so scared,” I admit.

Vera’s smile slips away, and she quickly strides over to me, enveloping me in a hug. 

“Xera,” she murmurs into my hair, “you have no time to be scared.” She pulls back to look into my eyes. “You will be queen, whether you want to or not. The only matter to be considered is how you will be queen,” she muses, playfully tapping my temple. I say nothing. “Well then, I’ll leave you to decide.” She spins on her heel and walks out the main door.

No more than an hour past my sister’s departure, I stare at myself in a mirror framed in swirling gold. I am clad in a high necked bodice which is black with green veins, threaded to a green skirt with black veins, which trails long behind me. My chestnut hair is down except for two braids. I take a deep breath, keep my chin up, and make my way to the ballroom.

I stand before two carved wooden doors. They lead to my future, a life confined by responsibility and power. Trumpets blare, and the doors open before me. I take one step forward, then another. The crowd parts before me, making a clear path towards the dais where my mother sits, Eira and Vera on either side of her. My heart races, I know everyone can hear it. I know everyone can see the sweat beading on my forehead. I know everyone can see how my knees wobble. I know that - 

I stop abruptly, barely an inch away from the foot of the dais. Everyone stares at me, telling me to go up, up, up. So I do. I stand on the platform, facing the vast crowd. They are quiet. Too quiet. So quiet that I am left frozen in front of them.

I clear my throat. All eyes are on me. “Hello, and welcome,” my voice wobbles, they can all hear it. “Thank you for being here.” Their eyes are all waiting for me to do something extraordinary. Don’t they know that I can’t? That I have no powers, no talent? My voice gets lost in my throat, and the crowd exchanges dubious glances. I imagine I can hear their thoughts. Does she truly have no power? Has the bloodline fallen? Is this a joke? 

I squeeze my eyes shut. I can’t take it anymore.

Before I know what is happening, I flee across the floor, pushing past anyone in my way. I escape the room, but continue to run. I escape into the gardens, and though I gasp for breath, I can’t seem to stop. My shoes pound against the dirt, and my dress catches on branches and twigs as I run by. 

I reach my hands out for a tree to avoid falling into a lake that I swear wasn’t there a moment before, but my feet slip on the mud and I am sent crashing down, no way to stop my momentum now.

I brace myself for cool water rushing across my skin, through my lungs, but it never comes. Instead, I open my eyes, the world rushing past me. I land in the middle of a dark forest, my heart leaving my body as I hit the ground.

I squeeze my eyes shut, still laying on the ground. When I peek my eyes open, trees stretch on forever, their dense canopy covering even a glimpse of the stars above me.

I stand up, dusting my clothes and hair off as best as I can. I yearn to close my eyes, curl up on the ground, and stay there forever, but I know I can’t.

One foot in front of the other, I keep telling myself. Time has no home in this forest. Maybe that’s why I kept walking, so I could experience my life slipping away for one more minute.

When I first heard the voice, I thought I was hallucinating. When I heard it next, I stopped, looked around. “Hello?” I called out. When no answer came, I shrugged it off and kept walking. 

When I hear it again, I decide I’m going crazy. I question exactly how crazy I am when a figure drops down from the trees, landing in front of me. I try to take a step back, but trip and fall onto my back instead. I decide I’m insane when the girl above me starts laughing, their voice  melodic. And in that moment, my insane mind decides it’s a great idea to pass out.

My eyes flutter open, light blinding me. My body aches everywhere, even as I lie on a soft bed. I don’t remember how I got here. I’m in a large room, with a makeshift kitchen in one corner, this bed in another corner, a worktable in the third corner, and shelves in the last corner.

I make my way to the door of the cabin which creaks on its hinges as it opens.

I walk outside, and am greeted with crisp wind and rustling leaves. Only a few yards away sits the same girl that I swore I hallucinated. She sits with her legs crossed, stark white hair blowing around her face. Her face turns up towards me as I continue to walk toward her, and she regards me curiously with pale gray eyes.

“I wondered when you would wake up,” she says, voice light.

“Who are you?” I blurt before my mind catches up with my mouth. She smirks, amused.

“If you must know, I’m Ivory.”

“I’m Xena.”

Ivory smiles, “Well then, Xe, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Ivory and I got along immediately, each content in each other’s companionship, not ever wanting to know more about each other than was necessary. This is what I had always longed for, a home beyond home, a place where I could exist without every move being questioned.

So this is where I stay, time getting lost in our words, our motions, my old life fading into my memory, but never forgotten. There is never a day where I didn’t think about who I could’ve been, but I knew that this life of freedom will always be better than a life confined by rules and etiquette.

This is my world.