Killer-Part 1 | Teen Ink

Killer-Part 1

September 24, 2009
By arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
24 articles 0 photos 94 comments

I've always been bored with my life. I read all these stories about wizards and werewolves, and i longed to be part of them. I guess i got more than I bargained for.
I was only your average teenage girl. I was pretty, definitely, but not beautiful. I had curly black hair and bright green eyes. My skin was so pale it looked white. My friends said it made me look like a vampire. Little did they know how right they were.
It was on my twelfth birthday, when my life fell apart. I started to feel thirsty. I drank ate, did everything, but it wouldn’t go away. After a week, I was sick. After two weeks, I was dying. Then, I woke up.
No, I wasn’t dreaming, but I had fainted, at least, that's what I was told. I didn’t wake up until I felt a straw in my mouth. I drank the warm liquid, and immediately I felt better. There was a boy in front of me, holding the straw.
“You’re awake.” he said, “That's good.”
I moaned and tried to get up. The boy gently pushed me back down. “You're weak from loss of blood,” he continued, “Here, this will help.”
He pushed another straw into my mouth. I felt energy rush into my veins, and I sat up gingerly.
I looked at the mysterious boy who had saved my life. He had black wavy hair, and skin like mine, pale white. His face was, well, perfect. He had a square jaw, and a small nose. His face didn’t look real; it was like a perfect marble sculpture. Hen I looked at his eyes. They were a bright green, like mine. They seemed to see right through me, and made me nervous. I hoped my eyes didn’t have the same effect.
I didn’t know what to say to him, but luckily, he broke the ice. “My name is Delos.”
“I'm Iris.”
“Nice name.”
I started laughing, but laughter echoed strangely in the room or cavern or wherever I was. I stopped laughing. Why would Delos bring me here, and care for me for no reason. He had to have a purpose.
“Doles,” I said, before I could lose my nerve, “What do you want from me?”
He laughed. “You are not strong enough to get what I want. But you will learn, oh yes.”
“Learn what?”
“How to survive.”
“You're avoiding my question.”
He laughed again, “You don't understand what you are, and I will teach you. You can become invincible under me.”
“What am I?” I whispered, even though deep down inside, I knew the answer.
“Vampire,” he said, and I collapsed into a dead faint


The author's comments:
Please comment. I need to knwo that this DOESN'T totally suck. plus i want tips.

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This article has 44 comments.


on Dec. 18 2009 at 8:24 pm
...PensiveGurl... PLATINUM, Aurora, Colorado
20 articles 0 photos 267 comments

Favorite Quote:
You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we&#039;re doing it- Neil Gaiman.<br /> Who are you to be who you are?-Le&#039;Na Pernell

Yay! Loved it! >.<

on Dec. 14 2009 at 8:09 pm
arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
24 articles 0 photos 94 comments
me too......

padme BRONZE said...
on Nov. 5 2009 at 6:28 am
padme BRONZE, Garner, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;if not now, when&quot;<br /> mr. jon caldwell

every person's pov is different. i guess i have heard too many vampire stories....they are to popular thing to write now.

on Nov. 4 2009 at 6:41 pm
arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
24 articles 0 photos 94 comments
in twilight, edward has no personality, hes mr. perfect. in Killer, Delos has extreme mental issues and is not nice at all. and there are no werewolves, just vampires. i dont really see the similarity to twilight

padme BRONZE said...
on Nov. 4 2009 at 6:01 pm
padme BRONZE, Garner, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;if not now, when&quot;<br /> mr. jon caldwell

it sounds twilight esqu. nothing against it, but i have read too many vampire stories lately. its good, dont get me wrong, but vampires are overused.

on Nov. 4 2009 at 3:35 pm
Hope_Princess BRONZE, Hebron, New Hampshire
4 articles 4 photos 376 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.&quot;

I really really like it, and I really want to read more. Superb writing!

Thanks for commenting on my Prologue-I love it when I get comments!

on Nov. 4 2009 at 8:49 am
dark_roses14 PLATINUM, Mazon, Illinois
20 articles 0 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
play the music, turn it up loud, dance around, and drown out reality

i love this, its really good! keep writing!

on Nov. 3 2009 at 4:43 pm
SonOfApollo GOLD, Katy, Texas
13 articles 0 photos 40 comments
awsome story

continue IT

read my story people its knwn as run away from IT but IT might not be there because i just submitted IT.

on Oct. 13 2009 at 11:26 am
dragonfan SILVER, Arcidia, Indiana
9 articles 1 photo 213 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Death truly makes an artist&quot;

wow this is great! I can't wait to read more

on Oct. 8 2009 at 12:40 pm
arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
24 articles 0 photos 94 comments
my thing is nerdy? omg im hurt. no its ok. hows ur stuff goin

on Oct. 7 2009 at 8:52 am
UnidentifiedArtist BRONZE, Spring, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments
Very good. Cant wait for the next one.

on Oct. 4 2009 at 2:22 pm
arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
24 articles 0 photos 94 comments
i submitted my this with a prologue and chapters 1 and 2. this is a flashback from wherever dead people go, because iris dies. im not ruining trhe story. youll see when it comes out.

on Oct. 4 2009 at 6:56 am
Lisette-Midnight SILVER, New York, New York
7 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live for the moment you can&#039;t put in words.

This is awesome. You should continue with it I'm pretty sure someone will love it as much as i did

RLJoy DIAMOND said...
on Oct. 1 2009 at 8:49 pm
RLJoy DIAMOND, Glen Rock, New Jersey
56 articles 0 photos 86 comments
this is really good seriously its amazing do u know how many chapters it's going to be? Also look out for all of my new written work and i really like many of ur poems and articles to but tell me when ur other chapters come out

moorgie SILVER said...
on Oct. 1 2009 at 8:34 pm
moorgie SILVER, Thornton, Colorado
5 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.<br /> <br /> - Matthew 5:15 (see also v.14- 16)

Yeah boi!!!! I haven't finished my profile yet by the way XD! But yeah I loved it it was so good! It's nerdy stories like that I tend to like the best!

on Oct. 1 2009 at 8:03 pm
arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
24 articles 0 photos 94 comments
thanks. im working on the next part...like i sed b4

on Oct. 1 2009 at 8:02 pm
arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
24 articles 0 photos 94 comments
so is urs. i love gone with the wind. thats my favorite

on Oct. 1 2009 at 8:01 pm
arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
24 articles 0 photos 94 comments
i checked ur profile. im a nerd 2 and we both love harry potter and maximum ride. did u read the new one, MAX? i just finished. its SOOOOOOOOO good

on Oct. 1 2009 at 7:58 pm
arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
24 articles 0 photos 94 comments
srry that makes no sense. im working on a chapter 2 and i have a prologue kinda thing. actually, its about iris being DEAD. but thats in awhile. ill post it here when i publish the nxt part, hopefully including this, and with the prologue. it will b so incredibly super awesome...(and kinda long, so if ur bored be this, i dont recoment it) but if you like it then check this avery once in awhile and ill tell when the nxt part is coming. i really appreciate the comments so keep them coming. i actually thought this sucked until i got some comments, so i hope its not that bad (i have a low self esteem)

just saying that im jelous of iris, cuz im bored with my life too. wish somethin cool wood happen to me 2

ok this is a long comment but watevs. pls comment

moorgie SILVER said...
on Oct. 1 2009 at 7:28 pm
moorgie SILVER, Thornton, Colorado
5 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.<br /> <br /> - Matthew 5:15 (see also v.14- 16)

This is good. Really good. It's a quick jump into the beginning if it is a full book, but I still really like it. It is just the thing that all us fantasy writers think about. Who wouldn't want to be a character in one of their own stories, I love how you made her a character of the stories. That's ingenious.