The Son of the Devil | Teen Ink

The Son of the Devil

June 8, 2010
By Megaphone1927 SILVER, The Tardis, Tennessee
Megaphone1927 SILVER, The Tardis, Tennessee
6 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't peer into the shadows, you won't see the ghosts."-Flora Segunda

I shrugged off the ache in my shoulder and shook my hands. After 30 minutes of waiting out in the cold, I could hardly feel my fingers. The boy- What was his name? Something trashy. Was it Dustin? Tristan?-Anyway, he told me he would meet me here, just behind the abandoned gas station, but he’s no where to be seen. The other kids tell me that he’s the only one selling for a good price, but you know, I’d give just about anything for some. Pot, that is. I’ve been thinking of doing something bigger, but I think I’d better start small, you know? Really though, I just want something to get me feeling normal again. I feel so restless sometimes that I can’t stand to be in my own skin, I have to hurt myself to be better. The pain distracts me. Also, occasionally I get this weird feeling, like I’m so happy I’m going to cry. It always comes on suddenly too, with no warning.

Something leathery brushed by my back. I shivered violently. Silently, I counted to three, and whipped around as fast as I could. Nothing. This! This has been happening over and over for a long time. It’s like little sounds and images and feelings are sweeping over me, then gone in the next second. I get so scared of these things, that I can hardly stand being alone anymore.

I’ve got to calm down if I want to last until the boy gets here. My hands were shaking as I took out a pack of cigarettes, and shook one out. I’m 14, but I first started last year. Me and my old best friend had been walking on the college campus when I’d stumbled upon a full pack. That was when all the weird things were just starting to show themselves, so being restless and curious, I gave it whirl and loved it.

Right as I was sucking in deeply, a slight boy came jogging around the corner.

“Hosanna?” He said.

“Yeah, how much?” The smoke came drifting out of my mouth as I spoke.

“Just 5 bucks for two uses” It seemed cheap to me, but I can’t be sure, so I just nodded, and handed him a 5. He handed me a small Ziploc bag and shared a toothy grin before turning the corner once again. Should a kid that young really be dealing already?

“Hey.” Said a soft voice. I jumped nearly out of my skin. On the ground near my feet, a thin bundle of a person was huddled, obviously homeless. I mentally thumped myself for not seeing him earlier.

“Don’t take that.” He muttered. “It’ll poison you. Your bones will melt, and your mind will disintegrate.”

“Well. I know. I just-“He had looked up and was staring intensely. He had darkish hair and was dressed in a large Heavy coat. He looked terrified. I automatically felt immensely sorry for him.

“Hey, do you have somewhere to go? I mean, you could stay in my sisters old tree house if you want or…” He nodded enthusiastically.

I held out my hand, trying to help the poor boy up. He offered his left hand. I looked down and while trying to stop from crying out, my eye started a slight twitch. His left thumb was completely gone, a large open wound in its place.

“H-H-How Did?… ” I ogled rudely. He just smiled faintly and clasped his four fingers around mine. I pulled him up. Suddenly I thought of how the weird things have been coming more and more often, and stronger each time.

“You. Are you real?”

“Real, Hosanna, but not your kind of real.” He smiled nervously. I lead him to my house, and made him wait behind the bushes while I collected blankets from my room. After he’d climbed up the rope ladder, I hauled myself up after him.

“You don’t have to tell me much, but I do want to know your name.”


“Your name’s Untrust?” He nodded. I nodded back and started down the ladder.

“Hosanna?” He called uncertainly. I turned back towards him. “Don’t be afraid. No matter what happens, o.k.? I’ll help, and it’ll all be fine.” He attempted another smile. I nodded again and climbed down the ladder, feeling more confused than ever.

Hurrying back into house, I grabbed a bag of chips from the kitchen. Looks like the parent is having people over again. I can’t stand eating dinner with them when her friends are here. They all think that just because I’m a teenage girl, I like Romcoms and romance novels. Their voices filter out from under the dining room door, shrieking with laughter.

I stepped up the stairs as quickly and silently as I could, patting my pocket at the same time. Yep, the little baggie was still there. So were my cigarettes. I’ve been thinking that if any adult ever found these, I’d have to give them some lame excuse, right? Unfortunately though, the best one I can think of is to tell them that I’d found it, decided it was unholy, and was to taking it to the woods to throw it in the lake. Pretty darn lame, I know.

Guidance counselors are wrong. You know how they always say that if a kid smokes, or does drugs or something, that it’s because of a bad family life? Well I can tell you firsthand, that is a lie.

I shut and locked the door then threw myself down on the bed, sending cd’s, books and clothes tumbling to the floor.

Anyways, I have a fine family life. My Dad took off from my mom, but he’s a good guy. He calls me at least weekly, and visits all the time. Apparently, him and Mama were best friends and decided to get married. Mama already had Natalie by then, but Dad loves her, too. So a few months into their marriage, they mutually decided that they were better as friends. That’s when Mama discovered that she was pregnant with me. Great timing, I know.

So we all fight occasionally, but it’s never anything really serious. I guess I just do bad stuff for a distraction. Something to keep me entertained. It still shocks me sometimes when I light a cigarette without thinking, or just think “Oh I forgot my homework? No big deal, I’ll just skip the whole darned class." It’s like I just forget that I’m only still a kid.


School was dull. I guess that’s a given, though. Fortunately, no homework this weekend. Well yeah, there is work but I believe that if I can’t do it in the five spare minutes I have before class, then it’s not worth doing. One of my many mottoes is “If you don’t feel up to it, forget it.”

I hate walking to and from school. Occasionally it can be a nice time to think, but most of the time, it’s the same dull view over and over.

I hurried past the old gas station. Wait. WAIT. UNTRUST! I can’t even believe I forgot! I forget anything that’s ever important to me! Damn it! DAMN IT!

I started running, even though I knew I’d be out of breath within a couple of minutes. Damn, I wish I hadn’t cheated gym all these years. I always only sprint while the coach is looking at me, then walk the rest of the time.

I finally arrived at the base of the big tree house tree. I scampered up the ladder and practically hurled myself through the trapdoor.

It was empty. Completely empty. I sunk down on a futon that served as a sofa. Taking deep breath after deep breath, I glanced around the room again. Not a trace. And all of my covers are gone, too.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck slowly rise. Someone’s here. Watching me. I shook the feeling from my head. That’s what it is, just a feeling. It’s not even real. I hummed a few lines of an old song. Sound always makes me feel better. Whenever I get scared or upset, I always put on music or turn on the TV really loud. Hearing other people makes me feel less alone.

Is Untrust real? I never really thought about it, but I guess it all could have been a dream. Yeah, I mean, I have no proof. Maybe I came back alone after getting the stuff from the kid, and had a dream last night that all the other stuff had happened. It does make sense, where would someone get a name like Untrust? And it’s pretty darn weird to have a giant gaping wound where a thumb should be.

That must be it. Also, now that I think about it, there was strange, flickery light whenever he was around. My dreams have always had weird lighting.

I sighed as I climbed back down the ladder. How depressing, the first interesting thing that has happened to me in forever didn’t really even happen.

Suddenly all of my thoughts stopped. My arm was in front of me clinging to the rope. On my hand on the very place where it had touched Untrust’s absence of a thumb, there was a smudge of blood. I jumped the rest of the way down, and ran into the kitchen. Damn it. Mama and Natalie wont be back until Sunday night, and I’ve already completely freaked myself out.

I jammed the key into the door and shoved it open, swinging it shut behind me and locking it again. I ran to the kitchen sink. The blood was streaked across my knuckles. Now, I can’t get excited. There’s a possibility that I’ve gotten scratched somehow and just not noticed- No. no, that’s stupid. I would’ve noticed if I was bleeding this much.

I rinsed off the hand. The blood left a faint red stain. There was a small cut across one of my knuckles, but nothing big enough to give that much blood.

If nothing else, I have got to stay calm while everybody’s gone. If I get just a little bit upset, then the terror escalates until I’m paralyzed with fear. I don’t want that happening again. I’m not going to let it get to me. Before, I’ve had to call Mama to come home from her business trip early because I was so scared. She almost lost her job from it, too.

I scurried over to my favorite arm chair and sat down gingerly. At least I have the TV. if I just sit here quietly the entire weekend then there's a chance I won't freak myself out so bad.

my fingers twitched as I flipped on the box. There's never anything decent on nowadays, but that doesn't really matter. it's the sound that I need.

A deafening crack of thunder penetrated the drone of the television and nearly shot me out of my skin. I breathed in deeply. I don't know what I’m going to do if the power goes out. Maybe I could just take a bunch of sleeping pills? then at least I wouldn't be so scared. And I could just sleep until everybody else comes back!

Wait. No, that's stupid. I'd probably accidentally overdose or something.

The TV flickered. Oh no. Just at that moment, all the lights in the entire house went dark. No.

Please God, if you do exist, can you please, PLEASE, not do this to me? Don't leave me alone when I'm so afraid! Could you just try to hold off until I'm with someone? That's all. Um. Amen.

I thought that would help somewhat, but if god heard me, he sure isn't letting on. the rain had picked up the pace, steadily drumming against the window. I shuddered. it may have been only 4:30, but the sky was as dark as night already. Tree branches clawed at the glass window. Ok, I admit it, I am getting really freaked out. Everything will be fine though, because I am in control.

Another loud clap of thunder shook the house. My heart was thumping so hard, it seemed capable of snapping one of my ribs. I'm not in control. My hands were trembling so hard, I had to press them tightly against my hands to still them.

A loud crash emitted from the kitchen. it sounded like the window breaking, and shattering across the floor. I forced myself not to turn my head, too terrified that I would see something horrifying lurking in the doorway.

Now another sound showed itself. A kind of sick, watery gurgling. My chest tightened, making it nearly impossible to breathe. Oh merciful god in heaven. I have never been this scared in my entire life. The gurgling was joined by a wet slap and an occasional squeaky moan. It continued to grow louder and louder until I could feel it right behind me, it's breath hot against my neck.

I know this can't be real. It just can't. but still.. wait!

"Untrust!" I cried hoarsely. "Help Me!"

In the next moment, three things happened of great importance. Firstly, I leapt off the chair and turned to face the sound. Secondly, a huge bolt of lightening shot into the room, illuminating Untrust's face to my left. And thirdly, Across from us and lit by Untrust's flickery glow, was the most hideous thing I have ever seen.

It was a sick mockery of a human. Half of it's face was covered by huge eyes that glinted like coal. The rest looked like melted wax, with two bloody holes for nostrils, and a raw, gaping smile. Tufts of lank, greasy black hair sprouted in random places on the rotting liver-spotted scalp. The long body was mostly covered in some type of shawl, but what I could see was mangled and distorted. parts of it were unbelievably thin: The ankles almost at the width of a pencil. And some parts grotesquely large and flabby: the knees emerged directly from underneath the bloated belly. The thighs completely enveloped. A thin runny black liquid seemed to emanate from under the billowing fabric. I couldn't help but gasp at the overwhelming odor.

Before I could think, the disgusting creature placed it's decaying claws on the back of the armchair, and hurled it against the wall with inhuman strength. Like I always do whenever the situation is so hopelessly bizarre that nothing can be done, I laughed. The laughter cleared away a little of my fear, I think. Because when Untrust glanced over, flashing a quick grin, I felt crazy excited, Deadly terrified, and strangest of all, fantastically elated.

there was no trace of the weakness or fear I’d seen so prominently before on Untrust. His face was bright and eager. The creature began to inch forward, but Untrust only laughed. he stepped forward and straightened up, glaring down the hideous beast.

"Putrefy" Untrust spat at the thing. "Perorate, perish." It took a hesitant step back. Untrust grinned and stepped forward. "decease, deteriorate, dilapidate,
disintegrate, degenerate, decompose!" He looked wild now, advancing on the beast. “Spoil! Rot! Ruin! Rust! Wane, Waste, WITHER!"

the thing seemed to melt even further, snorting roughly while sinking into itself. it's head slowly sagged into it's neck, and it's skinny legs were enveloped in the
huge stomach. It cried out as it collapsed, eventually making a burbling strangled noise and ending as a gooey black puddle.

Untrust turned towards me abruptly. His eyes were sparking, and his shoulders were trembling, but he was beaming like anything.

"That," he said. "was incredible." He laughed and clapped me on the shoulder. I laughed.

"Yeah, that was something' alright. but Untrust, Who are you?" He looked down sheepishly.

"Your hair is nice, Hosanna, very fluffy. You should cut it all off."

"Untrust! Stop trying to change the subject! What are you?" He sighed and kicked at the ground. Then swung his head back up, looking into my eyes.

"I'm the son of the Devil."

The author's comments:
Partly true story. More to come...I hope.

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This article has 18 comments.

on Jul. 1 2010 at 10:03 pm
Shoka_no_sanraizu SILVER, Huntington, Indiana
5 articles 0 photos 25 comments
Wow that was interesting and really good if I do say so my self. The only problem I have is that there are many times where you don't capitalize the first letter of the first word in the sentence and then times where you capitalize words that don't need it, I think. Good job though and keep writing I would love to read more.

on Jul. 1 2010 at 9:30 pm
Megaphone1927 SILVER, The Tardis, Tennessee
6 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't peer into the shadows, you won't see the ghosts."-Flora Segunda

Thanks, I was trying to post the second chapter, but stupid old teenink made me split it in two. Anyways, thanks for the feedback!

KK2013 GOLD said...
on Jul. 1 2010 at 9:07 pm
KK2013 GOLD, Solon, Ohio
10 articles 2 photos 161 comments

Favorite Quote:
Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth.-J. K. Rowling

Wow, very interesting plot. I think it was a little weird that this 14 year old kid automatically trusted a homeless person. I know I wouldn't. Would I be wrong assuming that you are going to write more on this? because you should, I want to see this character develop more. 

You had a few tense problems, because you were switching off from past to present tense.

There were a few grammar mistakes as well, but not that many!

Overall, GOOD JOB! that was a cool, unique story line. Well done

on Jun. 27 2010 at 1:32 am
Megaphone1927 SILVER, The Tardis, Tennessee
6 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't peer into the shadows, you won't see the ghosts."-Flora Segunda

Thanks for the help! BTW, Mel's Story is really intriguing, it's also fantastically written.

Anna E. said...
on Jun. 26 2010 at 10:50 pm

Thanks! The reason this one was full of errors and stuff is cause' I accidentally uploaded the unedited version.

Also, in my fevered late-night writing mind I remember thinking . . "No! The sound is like demonic creature! It slowly emerges, finally showing itself!"

I always get kinda crazy during the night, but that's always when I have the most fun writing! Thanks for the helpful insight! 

katie-cat GOLD said...
on Jun. 26 2010 at 11:52 am
katie-cat GOLD, McClellandtown, Pennsylvania
13 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Look after my heart, I've left it with you."- Edward Cullen
"To love another person is to see the face of God . . ."- Les Miserables
"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her out and let her scream." - Mark Twain

This was really interesting.  It was different and unique.  Something I haven't read before.  the only thing is I noticed some grammatical errors, mostly capitilaization where it should/shouldn't be used.  However it didn't really take away anything from the piece.  Some of your descriptions were very good.  I read it and I though, oh, I like that, why can't I think of that.  Then there were some descriptions that sounded like you were trying too hard or that didn't really fit, like when you said, "now another sound showed itself."  that didn't really make sense, I mean, you obviously don't see sounds, but I did understand what you were getting at when you said that.  Overall, I liked the piece.  It was fresh and new.  Wel done :)

on Jun. 25 2010 at 9:28 am
Bassoonkelley GOLD, Tampa, Florida
15 articles 0 photos 49 comments
Really fluid, interesting writing style! By far one of the better things I've read on this website. The only thing that bothered me occasionally is when the obvious was made even more obvious, like in the beginning where our protagonist is waiting to buy pot. If you describe how it makes you feel in really eloquent detail then it will be clear to the read that it's pot without you having to say "Pot, that is." to clarify. It adds even more fluidity to your work to be a little mysterious. Great job!

on Jun. 24 2010 at 8:54 pm
Megaphone1927 SILVER, The Tardis, Tennessee
6 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't peer into the shadows, you won't see the ghosts."-Flora Segunda

Thanks! Ive submitted the edited version of this ch., and I'm almost done with the next one, so stay tuned!

on Jun. 24 2010 at 3:48 pm
taylorf463 GOLD, Marion, Kentucky
13 articles 0 photos 152 comments

Favorite Quote:
If he'll lie for you, he'll lie to you.

An ending was an ending. No matter how many pages of sentences and paragraphs of great stories let up to it, it would always had the last word.

 This is really good! I can not wait until you upload some more. :)

on Jun. 24 2010 at 1:25 am
Megaphone1927 SILVER, The Tardis, Tennessee
6 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't peer into the shadows, you won't see the ghosts."-Flora Segunda

Thanks for the help! The reason that the grammer in this one was so crappy is because I accidentally submitted the raw version instead of the edited one. :)

on Jun. 24 2010 at 1:23 am
Megaphone1927 SILVER, The Tardis, Tennessee
6 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't peer into the shadows, you won't see the ghosts."-Flora Segunda

Thanks, guys.

So, i accidentally uploaded the completely un-edited version of the story, so soon as i can, i'm gonna upload the edited bit.

also, i been workin' on the next chapter, so I'll try to get it up soon.

and John-etc.etc., Untrust is pretty special to me. He is my Imaginary Friend/ Alter Ego typey thing. (I'm still not sure.)

Thanks for the support!

on Jun. 19 2010 at 12:33 am
aMANDA365 BRONZE, Versailles, Indiana
1 article 5 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
1.No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
- Eleanor Roosevelt
2.I'll get there alive even if it kills me!
- Homer Simpson
3.It's okay to be crazy, but don't be insane.
- P Diddy

Liked the story!

on Jun. 19 2010 at 12:33 am
aMANDA365 BRONZE, Versailles, Indiana
1 article 5 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
1.No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
- Eleanor Roosevelt
2.I'll get there alive even if it kills me!
- Homer Simpson
3.It's okay to be crazy, but don't be insane.
- P Diddy

Liked the story!

We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 18 2010 at 10:19 pm
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

WOOOHOOO, I loved it. This piece was very intense,I think that the character's emotions were so realistic. The character of untrust was interesting, what happens next is there more to this story.

on Jun. 18 2010 at 3:26 pm
jaredwriter19 GOLD, Masontown, Pennsylvania
12 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you live to be a hundred, I hope to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you."
-Winnie the Pooh

Very good! It had a great plot and was very intresting. However, I do have some suggestions:

Watch your capitilization - you forgot to capital the first letter in a lot of sentances towards the end of the story.

Another thing is, I suggest keeping certain thing like he, she, said, etc. lowercase after dialogue - for example:

“Hey.” Said a soft voice.

It should be :

"Hey," said a soft voice.

If you look at a published novel you'll see that it's almost always like that.

One last thing is during the story in one of your sentences you wrote "o.k." - it is traditionally written "OK" or "Okay".

Hope my critiques help! Keep up the great work though because you really are a great writer - just watch the grammar. ;)

on Jun. 18 2010 at 9:20 am
aaaaaqweqweqwe SILVER, Somewhere, Illinois
6 articles 0 photos 67 comments

I really liked that. It had an engaging storyline, though I wish you had given a tad more background, not about the parents of the family but about hosanna heself.

The only problem I had with the plot was that when she's walking and remembers Untrust, it's unclear whether shes going to or from school, and then she just kind of runs home and locks herself in the house. And at first she was talking about not having had much homework over the weekend, but then when she  gets home she talks about the upcoming weekend. Just clear that up a little bit, that was the only confusing thing.

Also, the end was a bit confusing with the whole son of the devil thing. Totally didnt see it comng, but you would probably need another installmen to explain it and I hope you do! great job :)

on Jun. 18 2010 at 12:21 am
Spectacles SILVER, Grass Valley, Oregon
7 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is not your abilities that make you who you are, it is what you use them for."

It was really well written, but being a Christian myself, it was kind of twisted.

on Jun. 17 2010 at 11:08 pm
roxymutt BRONZE, Marietta, Georgia
4 articles 5 photos 109 comments

Favorite Quote:
It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see. -David Henry Thoreau

ok this was awesome!!! :D i didnt really get the son of the devil part but that's ok it was very well written :DDD