Yet Another Fairy Tale | Teen Ink

Yet Another Fairy Tale

August 16, 2011
By paige14 GOLD, Portsmouth, Ohio
paige14 GOLD, Portsmouth, Ohio
17 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Say what you need to say--John Mayer

Once upon a time, there was a forest covered in snow. A small wagon bumped and bounced along the dirt path that wound through these trees. Now, this is no ordinary forest. The trees can walk and talk and all other kinds of things. The path is never the same from one hour to the next, and who knew where the unlucky travelers would come out. The wagon was perfectly ordinary and so was the driver, a poor man coming home after a long day.
This man had a kind and generous heart, perhaps too generous, given the fact his family had a bit of moldy bread for dinner tonight…and the night before. When the man saw a huddled figure just inside the woods, he stopped. Climbing down from the wagon, he saw that the figure was an old woman, so thin you could see her ribs through the holes in her cloak. The man couldn’t leave her there so he picked her up and set her gently in the back of the wagon. He climbed in and kept driving, hoping the path would take him home soon. More than once he had turned up miles away from his little cottage on the tricky path.
Luckily, he arrived soon after. Unluckily, his home was the one he remembered. The grass he learned to walk on all those years ago was trampled. The glass windows his father’s father had made were shattered, spread across the dirt. The door swung loosely in its frame. The inside of the small cottage was in ruins. The generations-old crib was missing two sides, revealing the silent body of a baby. His baby. The man’s wife lay crumbled on the floor. Bread dough covered her hands, now covered in blood. Just a quick glance told the man all he needed to know. His wife and four children were all dead. When he stepped back outside, something crunched beneath his foot. A single arrow lay on the ground. He kept walking.
Leading the horse to the untouched stable, he slowly began to comb her tangled man. He heard a soft sound outside. A tall woman with billowing robes stepped inside. When she spoke, her voice was deep and powerful. “You, who have so little, stopped to help a starving woman, when so many with so much simply passed by. You are truly worthy of any reward you desire.”
The man closed his eyes and didn’t wipe the tears that flowed down his cheeks. “My family…” His voiced cracked and he could say no more.
The woman said no more. She simply turned and left.
The man didn’t open his eyes until he heard a soft wail. The cry of a baby. His baby. He quickly finished grooming his horse and rushed to the cottage. The windows were intact. The door was open, revealing a baby fussing in an old crib, a woman kneading bread, and children running to and fro.
The man smiled and joined his loving family.
The End

The author's comments:
This story started as "Just Another Fairy Tale," which I have also posted. I changed everything but the first 2 paragraphs for a forum contest, and really like this new version. I hope you do too.

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This article has 10 comments.

CammyS SILVER said...
on Nov. 25 2012 at 7:24 am
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else's draft.
H. G. Wells
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
Mark Twain

Never mind, I just reread the story and figured it out. now that I see how they died, I love how you left a single clue and left the rest to the reader's imagination

CammyS SILVER said...
on Nov. 25 2012 at 7:23 am
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else's draft.
H. G. Wells
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
Mark Twain

like everyone else says, it is a little short, but that's pretty good in a fairy tale.I really liked it, though I wish I knew how the family died. Other than that, great piece, great writing!

on Aug. 21 2012 at 2:37 pm
augustsun02 SILVER, Hamburg, New Jersey
9 articles 0 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write. It doesn't matter if you're overjoyed, furious, miserable, or what. Write to keep those emotions in check while managing to grow stronger.

As much as I enjoyed the story, it was short. I feel that you could have maybe even expanded it and developed it a little more. I really did enjoy it, but, as I said before, it was pretty short. Good job though :)

on Jan. 14 2012 at 2:33 pm
Eshshah PLATINUM, Galloway, New Jersey
32 articles 31 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep." -Robert Frost

this is great! gives a happy ending to a fantasy that could have really been macabre, and therefore ruined, it was a refreshing twist, thank you for posting this.

on Jan. 12 2012 at 11:54 am
RayBaytheDinosaur GOLD, Hampton, South Carolina
18 articles 17 photos 159 comments

Favorite Quote:
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Aww I like this =) it was a heartwarming little fairy tale and very well written, great job!

on Oct. 10 2011 at 3:39 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

I honestly love both versions of your fairy tale.  This one has a lot more detail, which is good.  Again, excellent work! 5/5 stars.

on Oct. 2 2011 at 1:07 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 577 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

I read the other version after finishing this one, and they're both really good! I do enjoy the description you added in this one though, and how you showed this man's humility. The writing was very simple, but I liked that in this sort of 'fairytale' story. Keep up the great work! :)

on Sep. 28 2011 at 6:54 pm
I enjoyed both versions of your fairy tale. I say to keep them both, or maybe have it so that the old man is in denial and wishes for new clothes and food for his family and finds them in their new garments, lifeless. But there's bread on the table. Just saying, something dark like that could always be considered. ;) Anyway, a 5 out of 5 for this piece as well!

potatohead said...
on Aug. 22 2011 at 11:48 am
potatohead, Kentucky, Louisiana
0 articles 0 photos 13 comments
This was a good story. I really liked your style of writing :) At first I was a little confused but by the end I figured it out. 

Mary_S. said...
on Aug. 20 2011 at 10:47 pm
Mary_S., Grand Blanc, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Welcome to the New World, where you'd better watch your neck."

Wow, this is really good, although I feel like it ended a little too quickly. I feel like most short stories end to quickly, though, because I'm more of a chapter book kind of person, haha. Once again, this is really good! ^_^