I was gazed upon by the sun, which emanated onto my cloths which made me feel a warmth and happiness that flowed through my body, causing myself to be ever relaxed, and joyous. It made me feel sad that it all ended so quickly, but something told me it wasn’t the end, bringing hope to me again. Suddenly I was submerged into darkness, with a cold front sweeping across the land of nothingness around me as I anticipated its arrival. Sorrow and pity consumed my body, reminding me of the times I’ve held myself back from the things I wanted to do, or told myself that I wasn’t good enough to pass a trial of my will, turning me at some points into just a shambling body that had no opinion, or will to make something of myself. I soon got used to the cold, but it only got worse, I felt more distant from my checkpoint as the point of no return became more eminent.

So I fought. I fought, I fought, I fought, I fought, I fought, and I fought. I resisted my end, and forgot about my pain and my needs, for they were killing me. And finally I began to feel again, my body was finally connected with my mind, but it didn’t feel good. I was thrashing through an era of pain and red suffering just to avoid not feeling anything at all, and I finally figured out that fighting or even doing something you can’t even win is better than losing your ability to do so and forgetting what it feels like to be alive. You thrive off of it, because there’s nothing else to thrive on, until it doesn’t feel as bad anymore, until it becomes part of you… Until it feels right, because it’s the only thing you have.

The light finally shined upon me again, only this time, it didn’t feel right. I was used to the red pain and suffering so much that it changed me, but I didn’t realize it, I didn’t want to accept it. I knew who I was at the time, I was me, me felt natural, me felt good! Me smiled, it was a bowl full of confusion and me was the one eating it up!.. Me was another person, and me had no idea why but me laughed! It was as if, among all of the confusion and hatred there was an outbreak of comedy! And though it helped, I still wasn’t able to let go. I just didn’t understand it, why didn’t it feel right? Was it possible that I changed, that I was a different person from my ascension from darkness? But I would notice if I had changed, I would feel it. I would notice when I would change because it… wouldn’t feel right. This is driving me to insanity, and it has been since the light shined upon me up until the very moment of my ascension towards the light once more, for the last time. And somehow it came to me that was the end.

It reminded me of a crab on the beach I saw the other day, relaxing its claw, and letting go. Putting its guard down to move on and let things be the way should. Like it was a choice. But now as I ascend through limbo into something I don’t even understand yet, I realize, just as it ends that we weren’t able to control our end. And it’s not just something we don’t have the guts to do because of how stubborn we are, it’s because it’s not our right. And it pains me to know and it pains me that we will never know until the end… It’s just something we’re too stupid, narrow minded to see. We don’t have a choice, we have to keep going up until the end, and that I think, is the most important thing we should’ve known. And now in my last few moments before I hit the afterlife, I wonder why I never thought about the closest things to me in my physical life, seeing that I won’t be seeing them for a long time. I guess I’ll find out once I reach my destination. And only then I will know how it ALL ends.