“MIRR-OOO-RR!”

Evilia’s piercing high voice had the power to smash all the windows in the palace; just like yesterday’s morning, and the morning before, and the morning before that. The poor old glazer who had just finished fixing the glass from yesterday morning (he now practically lived there) gave a deep, long sigh and got back to work

The wall in her bedroom automatically opened, and beneath it appeared a 100-inch flat screen TV. It was already turned onto her favourite channel, ‘Mirror, Mirror’ and Evilia Queen was more than just a fan of the competition show, this year she was competing for ‘Miss. Fairest of Them All 2013’!

“Welcome back ladies, to ‘Who’s the Fairest of Them All 2013’!” a blonde woman appeared on the screen, her face so fake it was hard to tell which part of her was not plastic. “And the two finalists of this year are…” Evilia’s eyes widened as she stared un-blinkingly at the television. “Evilia Queen and Snowy White!” the fake-Barbie-doll-who-knows-what-her-real-age-is lady exclaimed.

Evilia gave a jump of joy and twirled through her bedroom ceiling like an electric drill.

“Not again…” her husband murmured.

When she came back down she was no longer smiling, her face covered in a growing anger.

“MY OWN STEPDAUGHTER?!” You could say it wasn’t the first time her mood changed drastically from a minute to the next.

Her husband looked for a second at his watch, “Oh! Look at the time, it’s time to take your anger-management pills honey!...” he announced, uselessly trying to not have to go through a court trial for another one of his wives’ evil plans.

“Nonsense!” Evilia roared, sending her husband flying onto the far-end wall (not very helpful for his hurting back). She was not hearing what he was saying, not even looking at him, her eyes fixed onto empty space as she thought out her evil plan to get rid of Snowy White. “I want her killed immediately!”

“We’ve been through this, you can’t just simply kill people, Evilia, remember what happened last time..?” her husband was stammering, unsure on how his wife would react.

‘Of course! You’re right!” He was just about to give a sign of relief as she continued, “That Hunter messed everything up! The only way to get things done right is to do them myself!” she gave a small‘humph’ and hurried downstairs into her experimental laboratory before he could do anything to stop her.

***

Meanwhile, in Far, Far Away College, in the Seven Girls sorority, Snowy White had just received the same news. She, on the other hand, thought there was absolutely no need to be concerned. The birds flying outside were always enchanted by her porcelain skin, jet black hair and rose lips that they kept on getting distracted and ending up splattered against her window.

“Yuck!” She squealed. “What is wrong with. These. Birds?!” Snowy had a strange habit of separating words in sentences. She started singing, but that did not help either, the animals straining their ears to keep the deafening noise away.

“Well, anyways,” Snowy clapped her hands as if to call waiters at a restaurant. “Ladies!”

Seven (quite short actually) girls immediately appeared and looked up at Snowy as if she was their queen. “Okay, look, I don’t have the patience to learn your names so I’ll just call you how I wish, okay?”

Only one of the girls had the courage to answer, “You’ve lived here for the past years and you still don’t know?” she said.

Snowy looked at her up and down and snickered, “Well, look at you all worked up.” She snorted and added, “I’ll call you Grumpy.” The girl gave her a death stare but kept quiet, afraid of what she was capable of. “As for the rest of you,” She paused and started walking up and down the line of the seven girls as if they were in a military camp and she was their general. “You, you smile even when you cry, you’re Happy. Then, the Mrs. Know-it-All, you’re Doc. Bashful, the one who’s always as red as tomatoes. Now, you! Gosh, wake up! Sleepy! The stupid one, you’re Dopey and lastly…” She was interrupted by a sneeze from the girl at the far left of the line. Snowy walked up to her face and barked in her ear, “What is wrong with you!? You should really get your allergies checked out and don’t you dare get me sick before the Finale! You’re Sneezy!”

None of them said anything in response, and Snowy’s eyes glowed with burning fire. “I said, GET. TO. WORK. I need new dresses, then prepare my makeup, my hair, and while you’re at it do the kitchen, clean my room and make dinner, I’M STARVING!” and with that, she stormed out of the room, slamming and breaking the door behind her. She appeared one last time and hollered, “Oh, and fix the damn door!”

The girls groaned; but knew there was no use in complaining. Oddly enough, they all started singing in unison: ‘Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho. It’s off to work we go…’ and continued whistling until Snowy came out, green cream on her face and cucumber slices falling from her eyes, “O.M.G. Shut up! I’m trying to get my beauty sleep here!” she bawled. As she stomped away she yelled, “And stop ruining my life!”

***

“What. Do. You. Want?”

Snowy was not very happy to have been interrupted from her beauty sleep and tried hard not to explode in front of a total stranger. However she had a tingling feeling in her bones that she did not like this stranger, her eyes carried a cold glare which made Snowy even shiver.

In fact, the stranger was none other than Evilia Queen, having transformed herself into a polished, formal saleswoman. This was all part of Evilia’s plan; she had created the most ingenious potion she could ever dream of: a magic cream, powerful enough to make the person using it the ugliest person alive!

“Hello there. I’m sorry to disturb you miss,” Evilia did everything she could to talk in the nicest tone she could manage, but she was cut off too soon to let it last.

“Okay, look Mrs. I-knock-on-your-door-to-interrupt-your-beauty-sleep. No, I don’t want to waste my money on charity and donations when I could get myself a sixth brand new wardrobe. Okay? Okay, good.”

“No, no, no. I’m here to sell you…” Evilia rushed the words out of her mouth before the door would slam in her face, but once again, Snowy refused to let her speak.

“Oh, I see. Even worse.” Snowy smirked. “No I don’t use any of your television or phone companies and I don’t plan on either so don’t try to convince me.”

Evilia’s patience was growing less and less each minute she spent talking to the teenage girl. “No. If you would just let me finish---”

This time, Snowy started laughing, saying “Oh, trying to sell me cookies? No thanks grandma.”

After being called ‘grandma’ it was like the last second of Evilia’s bomb ticked and she exploded, “LOOK HERE GIRL, HERE IS A BEAUTY CREAM L’UGLIÉ DE PARIS, PUT IT ON TO MAKE ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE.” She yanked the cream onto the shocked girl’s hand and watched as Snowy’s expression changed to almost hungry, ravaging the cream onto her face like a starving animal. Evilia quickly walked away before it would have an effect and Snowy would run after her. From afar, she heard the door shut after Snowy’s running feet rushing to a mirror, and just some seconds later an excruciating yell which made birds fall instantly to the ground and drove animals insane enough to smash their heads against the tree trunks.

***

Weeks passed, and Snowy was still nowhere near recovery. It was like a little girl had destroyed the most precious and beautiful doll in the world. She was at True Love’s Kiss Salon where they had special VIP tanning tubes which resembled royal glass cases, embroidered with gold, making Snowy look like a princess.

“Where is she?”

A handsome young man with blonde hair and remarkably blue eyes strode in with his majestic white horse, knocking down cupboards and counters. He was dressed in antique clothes, with a sword fixed onto his belt.

“The name is Charming. Prince, Charming.” He announced.

All the ladies in the room fainted at the sound of his voice, and his smile was so striking it blinded a few of them.

“And I was sent here from Once Upon a Time Inc. to fix a misled fairytale and save the damsel in distress… a such Snow White? Can anyone inform me of her whereabouts?”

A very tan man with a nest of gel in his hair, wearing a leopard-printed tank top showed up to the front.

“OMG. Ya mean Snoway,” he exclaimed, in a high tone of voice.

He popped the pink bubblegum he was chewing and lead Prince to one of the VIP tanning tubes. One of the assistants swiftly opened the case and snuck a bouquet of roses into Snowy’s hands as they all stared in awe.

“’Ere she issss.” He told Prince.

Just as he leaned in to give her the true love’s kiss, she opened her eyes and slapped his face shrieking, “How could you mess up my tan?! What’s wrong with you?! I’m going to have to start all over again God! AGHHHHHH Go away!” and with that, she slammed the case shut again.

Right in that moment, before Prince could react, the TV turned on and the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen appeared on the screen.

“Congratulations to our Miss. Fairest of Them All 2013, Evilia Queen!” a lady on the TV cheered.

“Evilia Queen.” His eyes shone in love and he tried hard not to drool. He hopped back onto the whitestallion and started galloping away exclaiming, “I must find her!”

THE END.