Curry and Curiosity | Teen Ink

Curry and Curiosity

July 29, 2022
By ZhitongZhou SILVER, Shenzhen, Other
ZhitongZhou SILVER, Shenzhen, Other
9 articles 26 photos 0 comments


Orange smoke everywhere. A hanger stands beside the front door. ANNE-MARIE OLIVER (17, SNARKY AND NERDY) comes home after school. She sniffs and winces.

By Harold Wilson's gargantuan forehead, this place stinks like a pair of armpit cushions after the Vietnam War.

Taking off her coat, she shouts into the side door --

Jamie, have you been eating dung

She tries to hold her nose and beat the dust off from her coat at the same time, when --

CLANG! A COLANDER flies into the hallway. It lands at her feet. Her brother JAMIE (15,CLUELESS BUT CONFIDENT) bursts out the kitchen.

Lovely people! We have made the ultimate Thai red curry. Woo!

Cut out the royal we, Jamie. And I am not touching your food if it sings Memory like Grizabella the Glamour Cat in my face.

But MUM said you should really try it.

ANNE Oh goodie.

Jamie runs into the kitchen with a grin. Anne sighs. She kicks the colander out the front door, shuts it behind her, and follows Jamie into the kitchen.


A FOOD PROCESSOR, avocados, bottles of chili jam, and colanders are thrown around the kitchen.

A TABBY CAT scurries across the kitchen to lick up the brown paste in the food processor. The tabby makes a gagging noise. Jamie brings Anne to a BOWL OF ORANGE VOMIT-LIKE SUBSTANCE on the counter.

Look at that! Thai rad curry, Jamie-style. Let's give it a little try.

He scopes a spoon of orange vomit-like substance, awkwardly raises it high above his head, and swallows it with a grimace.

Gorgeous. Good for the taste buds. And very good for you.

ANNE Jamie. It's orange.

Woo! Yeyah! Beau'iful isn't it?

Yes, Jamie. I don't want to be picky with my food or anything, but the color of Thai red curry is red. That's why it's called red. What you have cooked - if it has a name - is British orange soup. Judging by color alone, Mrs Miggins here --

Anne points her chin at the tabby.

Could make better Thai red curry
with her backside if you fed her a fire extinguisher.

Before Jamie can reply, we hear the front door swing open.

MR OLIVER (V.O.) Jamie-wamie, why have you put Mr colandie in the garden? If you are trying to grow little colandies, cutesie-bun, then you know you can expect a visit from the smack fairy, dontcha?

Jamie runs out of the kitchen to his father. Anne gives Mrs Miggins the abdominal thrust to help her cough out the curry paste.

The author's comments:

A dramatic reconstruction of celebrity chef Jamie Oliver’s childhood based on Uncle Roger’s review of his cooking videos.

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