JOSH is sitting on stage left. He sees something off in the distance. SELINA walks over to him.
Josh: Have you seen any more of those ghost lights?
Selina: Not since the Captain Kev left us. I hate him. All he did was make those dumb boat puns all the time.
Josh: They seem to be getting closer. Do you think they are some sort of ghosts or something?
Selina: I don’t know. All I know is that I am hungry, and we just finished off Sir Mr. Dr. Professor Bryan Thorne.
Josh: So, what do you reckon we do?
Selina: I guess we could try to find some monkeys or something.
Josh: We finished them off a while ago.
Selina: How about some tree bark?
Josh: Do you see any trees?
Selina: No.
(Beat)
Josh: Okay then, one of us has to go.
Selina: You’re right; it should be me.
Josh: No, no. I couldn’t eat you. You wouldn’t sustain me for very long. You should eat me.
Selina: It’s okay. You probably taste like fish oil.
Josh: I don’t! I’m sure I taste just fine. Maybe a little smoked Josh would appease your appetite.
Selina: No, I insist that you eat me. I am positive I would taste like a wonderful feast fit for a king.
Josh: I don’t think so. How long since you showered?
Selina: HEY! I don’t think you would taste any better than me.
Josh: Oh Ya!
Selina: Ya!
Josh: Oh Ya!
Selina: Ya!
Josh: Oh Ya!
Selina: Ya!
Josh: Fine then! I will eat you. You just got on my bad side!
Selina: But, since you didn’t eat me earlier, I think it’s I who will be doing the eating.
Josh: I think not!
Selina: You know what? Why don’t we just take a cool down break?
Josh: Sure. Just watch your back because you are going to get it.
Selina: Fine.
JOSH pick up “killing” stone.
Josh: (Hiding stone behind his back). I’m sorry. Why don’t we just make up? You go over there and pick up some of them long grass blades so we can make some friendship bracelets, and then you bring them right over here.
Selina: (Nervously) Okay…
SELINA turns around to pick up the grass when she suddenly turns back around to see JOSH with a big rock looming over her.
Josh: Oops. (flings rock away) Where did that come from?
Selina: I know exactly where it came from. You were going to eat me!
Josh: Whaaaaaaaaat?! That is craaazy.
Selina: You. Were. Going. To. Kill. Me! I trusted you? We were about to make friendship bracelets, and you tried to kill me!
Josh: I tried to eat you, but let’s face it: only one of us can survive, and it has to be me. I’m more talented than you.
Selina: Oh really? And what, exactly, are you more talented at than I am?
Josh: (quietly)I dance.
Selina: Come again?
Josh: (louder) I dance.
Selina: You pants?
Josh: (yelling) I DANCE!
Selina: Well that’s cool. As long as it’s not ballet or something.
Josh: (defensively) Guys can do ballet! You know… if they want to….
Selina: Anyway… There is no way your “talent” is better than mine.
Josh: Oh yes it is. I bring living art to the stage. What do you do?
Selina: Well, I think my job is more important since I am a scientist. The world needs my research.
Josh: Well at least you’re not a dancer. I saw you with that monkey, and it was not pretty.
Selina: I was trying to kill eat so I could eat it! Just like I’m about to do to you!
Josh: Not if I can help it!
They run around trying to beat each other to death with rocks. Each one fails miserably. In the end they sit down to talk again.
Selina: Okay, this whole situation is crazy. I don’t want to eat you, and you don’t want to eat me. Right… right?
Josh: (moving closer) Right.
Selina: Okay. Step back. You’re making me uncomfortable.
Josh: Okay. So… what do we do now?
Selina: I don’t know, but I really don’t want to starve to death.
Josh: Ok, maybe we can… we can… I don’t know! (Mental breakdown) I just don’t want to be here. At home I had friends, family, and most importantly… FOOD! But now here I am, all alone.
Selina: Besides me.
Josh: But I really feel all alone here. No one can comfort me, care for me, FEED ME!
Selina: Except for me.
Josh: The world has abandoned me. I have no body here!
Selina: What about me?
Josh: Oh, I’m trying to see how life will be here as soon as I finish devour you.
Selina: Here we go again.
Josh: Where was I? Oh yes… The world seems so empty now. I’m all alone in this world. I’m all by myself! (cries)
Selina: I DON’T THINK SO! Who has been there with you rain or shine? Who has shared every meal with you? Who kept guard while you slept? ME! ME! ME!
Josh: Look!
Selina: Oh no, I will not fall for that again. If you’re just going to eat me when I turn around I swear I will- Hey! Where are you going!
JOSH brushes past SELINA towards offstage right.
Josh: The ghost lights are coming right for us RUN!
Selina: What do you mea- (wide eyes and overly dramatic expression of terror).
They run offstage left. Enter CAPTAIN KEV.
Captain Kev: Well hooks like nobody is here either. (to offstage right) GET READY TO HOIST AWAY! (starts to exit)
JOSH and SELINA enter again.
Josh: Hey wait!
Selina: Please wait!
Captain Kev: (toying with them) Looks like there are some survivors left over here. I boat you guys are pretty hungry. Maybe some lobster tail, or steak, or caviar would be in order. You probably went through some hardSHIPS. Too bad you are stuck here with so little friendSHIP. Looks like you two are in some deep ship. Oh well, time for me to hoist away.
JOSH and SELINA look at each other and smile.
Josh: Don’t
Josh: You’re not going anywhere.
Selina: That’s right. We have this… um… rock collection you should see.
Josh: yes, yes we do. When you see it you’ll just die from excitement.
Selina: That’s right. These rocks are … special.
CAPTAIN KEV is dragged offstage left to be “eaten”.
Captain Kev: OH CARP!!!! (screams)
SELINA and JOSH come back on stage licking their lips..
Josh: Well that was delicious.
Selina: A little salty if you ask me.
Josh: Oh you!
Selina: So let’s get on that ship.
Josh: (Awkwardly) I’m sorry I tried to eat you.
Selina: I’m sorry I said you would taste like fish oil.
Josh: Ya… Anyways-
Selina: NOOOOOO!!!! They left!
Josh: Great. What now? (Covertly picks up “killing” stone)