How to Host a Murder Without Even Trying---Chapter 2 | Teen Ink

How to Host a Murder Without Even Trying---Chapter 2

June 24, 2010
By GzusFreak10 GOLD, Staten Island, New York
GzusFreak10 GOLD, Staten Island, New York
17 articles 0 photos 102 comments

The police came in the morning. They searched the entire house, but found nothing but the body, gun, and tape.
"Now, Miss Marissa," the chief addressed me, "tell me: what were you doing last night? And please include the time for each event."
"Let's see. I had dinner at 6:15, left for youth group at 6:45, got there at 7, and was there until 10:45. Mom picked me up then, and we got home at 11. I went upstairs to change when I saw the guys. Then it was exactly what I told you before. I knocked the guy's gun out or his hand and ran out with my mom. We got back to the house about 20 minutes later, Mom called you, and we were awake and scared stiff for the entire night."
"However, in theory, you could have given orders to your men to shoot after you left. Since you're their leader, they obeyed you, and you are responsible for the murder."
"WHAT?!? You're accusing ME of murder?!?" I couldn't believe it.
"It's certainly possible," the chief said with a completely straight face.
"Anything is possible, sir, but as is so happens, that is a completely false accusation!"
"You are to hold yourself available for further questioning."
I was about to come back with a retort that definitely would have put me in trouble with the NYPD, but before I could say anything, the doorbell rang. I answered it.
It was Jake.
"Oh, uh, hi!" I managed to say, shocked that he was at my door. "What are you doing here?" Snap. That was so rude. "I mean, uh, what's up?"
"Hey. Sorry to just pop up like this, but you left your bag in the car last night," he said, handing my little black purse over to me.
"Oh, thanks." Darn it, my demented smile was coming out again. Better cut this short. "I'd invite you in, but the cops are here," I said dryly.
"The cops?" Jake's large dark eyes bulged. "Why?"
My smile was now from the hilarity of the situation. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Jake." I shrugged. "Come in if you want to."
"Thanks." He did so, staring incredulously at the guys trying to find any other clues: a picked lock, broken window, fingerprints, anything.
"Officer Bentley, this is Jake Rendy. Jake, this is Police Chief Norman Bentley," I introduced.
"Hello, Mr. Rendy," the officer greeted casually, eying Jake suspiciously. Jake is average height, has black hair, dark brown eyes, and a smile that will melt a girl's heart. His smile wasn't showing right now, though. His face was puckered with worry. He sat down next to me on the couch.
"What's this about, officer?" he asked, his voice revealing his concern.
"Why, Mr. Rendy, you don't know? the officer asked, mock surprise in his tone. "The murder of Princess Elgitha of Austentashus! Now, may I ask you a couple of questions?"
Jake's eyes bugged out. "Sure, you can ask me anything, but I don't know how well I can help you."
"Where were you about 11:15 last night?"
"At youth group with a couple of people."
"Who were they?"
"Now let's see...Brooke Benamo, Grace Prose, Joe Hotchkiss, Chris Dalle, and Mitch Figley.
"Mr. Rendy, were you here today just to have a visit with Marissa here?"
"No, I came to drop off her purse. She left it in my car last night."
I drew in a sharp breath. "In your car? What kind of make is it?" Officer Bentley picked the "clue" up quickly.
"Toyota Corolla. It's tan," he added.
"The kind of make the witness Miss Marissa stopped told us," Bentley mused, a gleam in his eye. "Perhaps my theory wasn't so far-fetched after all."
"What theory?" Jake asked, confused.
"There are any number of tan Corollas on Staten Island. Just because he has one doesn't mean he's part of the gang!" I defended. "Besides, why would Jake want a dead princess?"
"A little background check will find the answer." Bentley stared Jake in the eye. "Your gang, led by Marissa here, had a rendezvous before your youth group, and then you drove them all to church for 3 hours. At that point, Marissa had left her purse in your car. You had to get rid of the evidence, so you stopped by, not counting on the police to get here so quickly."
"That's stupid and it's not true! I can even prove it!" I didn't care if I was locked up for years. This man was getting on my nerves. SOMEONE had to stick up for Jake! "He went to Shoprite at 9 to get some snacks for the group. Since there was a limit on some of the items he needed, he needed a second person to go on line. I volunteered. I just forgot about it, and that's why I didn't say anything."
Both men stared at me blankly.
"I still say you're the leader," Bentley maintained.
"Are you serious?!? Marissa would never in anyone's wildest imagination--"
"Thank you, Mr. Rendy. You can go now." It was more an order than a suggestion.
Jake squeezed my hand, said that he'd see me tomorrow at church, and left.
That solitary squeeze left me limp for three hours. The next morning couldn't come soon enough.

The author's comments:
This is chapter 2 of 4. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

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This article has 8 comments.

on Nov. 28 2010 at 7:55 pm
SunnySummers GOLD, New York, New York
13 articles 1 photo 54 comments
I really like the story! Although this is an improbable situation that we're discussing, it still could happen. I agree that the officer most likely wouldn't share his conclusions with his prime suspect, though. But for that matter he almost definately wouldn't jump to conclusions like that either, without a thorough investigation. Not if he knew what he was doing anyway. But it all (including the thing about Jake) leads up to the conclusion.

on Nov. 28 2010 at 2:30 pm
GzusFreak10 GOLD, Staten Island, New York
17 articles 0 photos 102 comments
Plz, i NEED corrective criticism. I didn't take it hard at all. Just out of curiosity, how would u change it? How would u have brought Jake in2 it? How would u have tipped the reader off about Chief Bentley's suspicions? Just lookin 4 some feedback. I totally get where ur comin from, though.

on Nov. 28 2010 at 2:26 pm
GzusFreak10 GOLD, Staten Island, New York
17 articles 0 photos 102 comments
Alrighty, thanks! And please, i'm totally corny. No need 2 appologize. Yeah, there's not as much development; do you have any suggestions? WHY CAN'T I USE "?!?!" ?!?! Sorry, i had 2. I'm really horrible like that. I get y i shouldn't. Thanks for the corrective criticism. I really appreciate it!

on Nov. 27 2010 at 8:52 pm
inksplatteredfingerz SILVER, Union, New Jersey
8 articles 4 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Where I'm from, we believe all sorts of things that aren't true--we call it history."--the Wizard; Wicked

I'd really hate to be the tough critic right now buuuuut I kind of have to. Just know that whatever I say isn't meant to be harsh or put you down and that I jut want to help.

First of all, I watch alot of Investigation Discovery, so I know a little bit about interrogations. I'm pretty sure an officer wouldn't be cool with the murder suspect bringing in her bf to sit in on his interrogation. Also, the officer probably wouldn't let her know she was the prime suspect--to lure her into a false sense of security or something, you know?

The story has to be realistic. Yeah, princesses don't get murdered in people's rooms but you know what I mean. I get that you had to bring Jake in there so that the officer could come to that conclusion about Marissa being the leader of the murder and stuff, but you're going to have to come up with another way for that to happen.

I hope you take my advice to heart and that it helps make the story better. I know this means that you'll have to make some MAJOR changes but I hope they work with the story and make it better.

(Wow, this is my longest comment yet! My fingers hurt xDD hahaha)

on Nov. 27 2010 at 8:21 pm
Phoenix97 PLATINUM, Minneapolis, Minnesota
29 articles 4 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
See lyrics to "Let the Waters Rise" by MIKESCHAIR and "Everything" by Lifehouse

The plot thickens! (Excuse my corniness, I just had to say it. :)) It's still interesting, though there hasn't been as much development in this chapter. One recommendation: don't use "?!?!" It looks really unprofessional.

on Jul. 9 2010 at 8:36 pm
GzusFreak10 GOLD, Staten Island, New York
17 articles 0 photos 102 comments
Thank you again! The romance isn't too prominent, is it? 'Cuz it kinda becomes one of the main topics in chapters 3-4. Thanks 4 being the first to comment! U made me feel so great about myself!

on Jul. 9 2010 at 1:10 pm
cHicKEnWaNg1 SILVER, Marietta, Georgia
9 articles 1 photo 100 comments

Favorite Quote:
It aint no thang but a chicken wang

so is my work and yes it is great

on Jul. 8 2010 at 5:56 pm
GzusFreak10 GOLD, Staten Island, New York
17 articles 0 photos 102 comments
Please comment! Help me make my writing better! Did u like the story so far? And yes, there's more, but it's still being approved (as of July 8).