The dare | Teen Ink

The dare

September 30, 2013
By Fallen_ PLATINUM, Quakertown, Pennsylvania
Fallen_ PLATINUM, Quakertown, Pennsylvania
25 articles 3 photos 433 comments

Favorite Quote:
" a shattered world is only an opening into a new beginning with laughs, smiles, and love all around enter the world of the light and away from the broken darkness"

Her friends were crouched in a circle crossed legged and grinning. They were about to play their favorite game Truth or Dare Hailey smiled. “I call next” she yelled taking her spot. Kacey her best friend smiled and took from the bag behind her a wooden longboard with inked letters, an Ouija board. She smiled and looked “I dare you to talk to the dead” she said already starting moving the stone to spell how I Summon Thee! Hailey watched jittery, and anxious. Frowning down, Kacey watched as something happened instead of the board moving. The ground underneath and around started to melt into this black ooze almost tar like, spreading over the nook. All five of the friends ran away Stricken with terror, as they watched what happened next. In a matter of moments, tar like substances bubbled and formed into the shape of large dogs their shoulders meeting the top branches of the trees. Teeth appeared rolling into their places. Vein slitted red eyes crawled out from the core of the tar. Soon five savage beast glared down on the friends. In an instant, five beast rushed upon the group, slowly ripping their carcasses apart bloody limbs were splayed apart pools of blood glistening the cool grass below. Hailey leapt back sickened as the growls and grunts as she watched her friends die their glossy dead eyes staring out at her their mouths arched in a wide O of terror, and their chest ripped and splayed apart. Terrified eyes marked what she just witness and soon sense took control and she was off like a bat outta hell. Gasping breaths seeped from her as her heart threatened to explode out of her chest; black stricken branches tried to stop her cold and lead her to her doomed faith. Why did I agree? Stupid dare I should have never have taken the dare! She thought. Distant howls erupted. They have finished their gruesome fun and noticed that one has escaped them. Voices exploded through her skull, she clutched her head trying to keep it from imploding from the voices blaring were coming for you, foolish girl. A sudden chill ran down her spine as their raspy voices stayed in every crevice of her mind. Looking up, she found the moon silhouetting her frantic face. Gradually the terrain changed and Hailey observed that she stood in a meadow and the crickets played their songs to the tuneful frogs. Utter exhaustion soon took toll as she collapsed to the cool billowing grass. Forcing herself to breath once again gulping in beautiful golden air, but then the animals stopped their playful banter, and an eerie quiet settled over. In unison the pack of ravenous monsters approached their sinister hissing echoed as the scoured and scanned the meadow for their prey. Dropping to the ground, she watches her heart leaping up and past her throat. A black dripping forked tongue slipped in and out of one of the beast. Then as an organized group all turned to her smiling a murderous smile of pure joy. Glancing back, she sprinted out like the floor was made of lava, but alas her escape was futile in moments she was surrounded by the beast. A sickly serenity flashed upon her as her body swayed, but all too soon the pain retched its claws against her slowly ripping her in two as a black mist slowly started to fly out of her into the beast, inhaling deeply. Her mind was screaming bloody murder in the once peaceful lulling meadow, as her empty husk fell to the ground, a pool of crimson blood seeped upon her corpse. In the aftermath, the meadow started again its cheerful banter as if forgetting the evil that has just occurred.

The author's comments:
This was an English assignment.

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This article has 8 comments.

on Oct. 24 2013 at 7:03 am
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM, Delhi, Other
25 articles 2 photos 147 comments
*SCREAM* OH EM GEE :O .... You know, I'm so glad its only afternnon over here XD Really really good. 5/5 stars. 

on Oct. 19 2013 at 10:41 pm
Calliashi SILVER, Litchfield Park, Arizona
6 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
The man with the key is king and honey, you should see me in a crown. ~James Moriarty

Alright on the positives, your descriptions were fantastic. You left no detail behind and had amaxingly imaginative imagery. However since it was a big block it felt confusing and rushed. Try breaking it up into paragraphs and getting a friend who is good at grammar to make sure it's broken up properly. The beginning also felt very rushed and too jumped into. Who wrre her friends? How are they important? Why should I feel mortified and heartbroken that they were killed? Why did they use the Ouija board? How did it create these monsters? There were a pot of questions created in the first few lines. Try to create a little background for the reader to go off of. BUT your imagery is fantastic and you have a fantastic imagination. Good ouck in future endeavors!

lilredd7 said...
on Oct. 19 2013 at 7:27 pm
I really loved this piece of writing.

JRaye PLATINUM said...
on Oct. 6 2013 at 8:57 pm
JRaye PLATINUM, Dorr, Michigan
43 articles 10 photos 523 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you build your house far enough away from Trouble, then Trouble will never find you."

"Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, 'I just don't care.'?"

This was very interesting! Honestly, I think you could use some grammar corrections, but other than that this is a chilling peice, greta job :)

on Oct. 5 2013 at 6:32 pm
Fallen_ PLATINUM, Quakertown, Pennsylvania
25 articles 3 photos 433 comments

Favorite Quote:
" a shattered world is only an opening into a new beginning with laughs, smiles, and love all around enter the world of the light and away from the broken darkness"

Sure. and the assignment was create a monster essay and describe your monster :) gotta love monster essay

on Oct. 5 2013 at 4:07 pm
DarknessHasFallen GOLD, Broomfield, Colorado
12 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm fine. I just feel like I'm shattered into hundred of little shards of glass and I'm going to hurt everybody who loves me.

What kind of english assignment was it??? love from your friend former BlackAngel now i'm 50BlackRoses I just added a couple new articles can ya read them?? thanks!!

on Oct. 4 2013 at 8:27 pm
SunnyDreams BRONZE, Niger Falls, Other
1 article 0 photos 274 comments

Favorite Quote:
Can you feel what I have seen, when no one else has lived through what I have?-HalveOfLife


on Oct. 4 2013 at 3:51 pm
Smpowers13 SILVER, Lock Haven, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?”
― John Lennon

Love the figurative launguage!